All Comments on 'Dawn over Sun Valley Ch. 05'

I have NEVER commented on a story before. For a “quick” effort, this series has completely enthralled me and it amazes me to wonder what a thorough, concerted effort would produce. I have been reading various stories for longer than I care to admit, and for me, this is the best yet. Sincere Thank You. 9325

This chapter would be inevitable for the story line to reach fruition in all ways and it is written with "all the lights on" showing some of the effects of all the relationships plus bringing up the past horror.

BRAVO!! Please continue to weave the magic.

You say at the beginning Authors comment, of Chapter Five “things get kind of messy. Okay, VERY messy”. You just gave me a “Coronary” with this chapter coming out of left field, with this plot. The only revitalization that is needed is to immediately CPR the next chapter(s) here. Once again, Five-O.

So sad. So devastating. So of course, it's perfect. Helpless, hopeless, I can't wait for you to tug on my heartstrings some more!

Joe is a jack ass , he took out on Leanne what her father had done not what Leanne did. I bet Joe's dad knew who Leanne was or may have thought about it , and Tammy more than likely does too being the head of HR . But women are more forgiven than men any way.

But I love this story I just feel bad for Leann poor girl cant get a break.

So, one of key ways you know your story is well written: it evokes emotional responses. I'm sure by now you've gotten the pulse of your readers and it is 'shocked' as a baseline. I'm afraid I was a bit more than shocked.

Joe's stock just took a shit dive in my book. Rapists get little sympathy in my world view, and with his attitude and behavior, her initial willingness is small solace for his 'taking' from her. Leaving her crying in a bloody heap in the dirt says all that needs said about what he wanted to do.

I'm not sure how you're planning Leanne's response, however if Tammy figures it out I'd have her beat the living fuck out of his sorry ass. With a shovel. Todd can spit in his face afterwards to show he's enough of a man no to bother with a shitbag rapist once a woman has had her fair turn.

Regardless, Leanne is probably too meek to figure that she has been abused, likely adopting the most despicable of all the lies women tell themselves: "I deserved it".

After Joe is physically punished for his actions, have his father kick him in the nuts in the best way possible: fire him for sexual assault on an employee - of course Leanne would have to be there to press criminal charges, but it should finally get through his skull just how fucked up he is as he's packing his crap.

In short, the way things are written this seems impossible to keep from destroying the entire family - and business - unless Leanne simply flees and the cowardly fuckwad gets away with it.

Even in that situation Tammy is no fool and at the least she would see his self-pity and figure things out, ending their relationship at the least.

All of this discounts Joe's "feelings" of course, and honestly with his behavior he is a non-entity to me so it's irrelevant how he feels.

heh, so... there's how I feel :/

Jason

Oh think I knew an unfinished story from where you got the inspiration for this ;)

(I almost memorize the lines of that novel from rereading and rereading, 'manipulative bitch') :)

Looking forward to the next chapter! Awesome work!

-Bree

The story was great, until this chapter. It clearly explains where the term "Crazy Joe" came from. A rational person would probably tell Leanne he knew who she was, and ask why she was there. To rape someone for something her father did when she was five years old is the action of a very disturbed person. There is no excuse for what he did, but she walked into the lion's den when she chose to work there. I can't see this ending good for anyone.

I hope this story has a happy ending. I'm an old softy that hates sad finishes to a tale. It is tough enough to live in the real world.

i did say it was going to get messy, didn't i?

@Anon 'captivating' - it's an honor to have taken your comment virginity! did it hurt? ;-) seriously though, i am actually blown away by this #NaNo challenge, and how much work / words / story i've been able to produce in such a short time. it's good to know that you find the quality is up to par, too! (it'll get even better when my editor gets his way with it, i promise!)

@Anon 'bitch slap of reality' - thank you. yes, this chapter needed to happen, and was indeed intended to doze the sugary flowery roses of prior chapters with some harsh truths and emotions. please hang in there with me. i know this was a hard one.

@senilis - please tell me you are okay?! i can't have my readers flatline on me. who would keep commenting on my stories if i give y'all strokes?!

the next chapter has just been submitted, so should be up within a couple of days. not gonna say anything more about that, because i hate spoilers. wait and see! :)

@DahliaWitch - aww. you're too kind ;-)

yes, this story goes full-throttle with the emotional drama stuff. i must admit to enjoying writing these parts tremendously. these are the parts of this story that had been screaming in my head for over a year, begging to be written. let me just say, there is lots more to look forward to... i'm so thankful for this #NaNo challenge that made me sit down and write it!

@Anon 'you told us' - i think Joe's angry with Leanne about more than her parentage. it's also - maybe even more so - the fact that she'd lied to him about it, even if by omission. i mean, think about it. the guy falls in love. he's already planning long-term in his head, and then - BAM! - everything he thought he knew about this girl is a lie, and moreover, it opens up the biggest, ugliest wound that still bleeds in his heart.

i totally agree he was a total jerk, though...

As for Tammy - no she didn't know. Leanne's last name is Sommers because her mom changed it after the accident (mentioned at an earlier chapter), and she doesn't have William Richardson mentioned on any of her forms (next of kin left empty - will be mentioned at a later chapter). however, Joe did need her SSN to do his quick investigation and find her birth certificate. I didn't go into those details because I didn't think they were interesting enough; seeing your comment, I may add this bit in the published work. thank you!

@JasonRTaylor - yes, Joe's stock can and should have taken a nose dive after this chapter, but did he rape Leanne?

Leanne not only consented to the sex - she initiated it ('let me make it all better, cowboy'). then, although it's certainly rough and not how they usually go about it, she certainly enjoys it, and ~never~ does she even think about stopping, let alone ask him to. when she senses his mood is a bit off, her response is to try and 'console' him with the sex.

Joe, on the other hand, starts off as the reluctant one ('he didn't want to want her', gritting his teeth when she says 'if that's the way you want to start the party, i'm game'). and then, while in the act, one of the only things he says is, 'at least this is real'. in his mind, he tells himself 'just one more time before i break up with her'.

but, if you recall, that was exactly Leanne's plan for the evening. enjoy Joe one last time, make love with him one more time, and then tell him the truth (expecting they'd break up after).

so, if you're going to fault Joe for 'using' Leanne like that, remember, she was planning on 'using' him in a similar way.

he was rough with her, yes, but in my mind, he didn't realize he'd actually caused any physical harm. it was pitch dark and the scratches were on her back where he couldn't see them. she didn't protest or say 'ouch' or 'it hurts' - she was an active, passionate participant.

so, was he wrong to take his anger on her like that? was he a total asshole for the way he dumped her right after the sex? absolutely.

does that make him a rapist? in my mind, absolutely not.

then again, i realize the line between 'sexual assault' and 'angry sex' can be a fine one; moreover, i know these types of scenes can trigger all kinds of bad reactions (it's happened to me in the past, reading other stories.) if i've cause that, i am sorry; i should probably tagged a trigger warning for the chapter. my apologies.

@Bree - not sure i know which story you're talking about, but as i've read hundreds of stories here, something may have stuck...

@Anon 'was great, until' - see my answer to Jason. i hope the next chapters redeem Joe - and this story - in your eyes. please keep reading, and let me know what you think :)

@Anon 'hope for a happy ending' - i'm a big ol' softie, too... :)

thank you all for your comments and votes. please keep them coming!

xoxo,

Annie

Are you able to equivalently compare an angry man misled by his emotions to destructively hurt a woman by his passions. Why don't you go to an abused woman's shelter who have been ruined by this same kind of misguided anger. How can a man hold responsible a toddler for the misfortune of a drunken father. Mam you raised my hackles. If this was real I would raise a team to beat the living shit out of him. Angered reader you touched a very sensitive point. I hate men who abuse women. And this can not be twisted any other way.

Was it rape or wasn't it?

It was hard angry sex by a man who's acting like a total jerk, but it wasn't rape.

She never once tried to stop it and in fact initiated it. Angry and hurtful he definitely was and the emotions are exactly what STG does to perfection, but he did not rape her.

Well done STG on another great chapter. I'm sure your editor will have fun when he gets to it..:-)

Loved how this story turned!!!! Super excited to know how would he react after knowing what Leanne's intentions are!

The thrill and excitement of this story is my defibrillator. This is such a fabulous story line and writing style is what is keeping this old senile soul ticking. What is truly amazing is the quality of story telling done at such a expedite pace. Kudos!

your chapters took an unexpected turn. I eagerly await to see what you come out of this with but I truly want them to work it out but not in the prince charming to the rescue kind of cheesy ending. Tell us how it ends.

I suppose it's inevitable that at least one reader would choose to see angry, consenual sex as rape. Textbook transference.

looking from the side it really hard to say... Leanne never asks to stop, doensn't object and don't do anything to stop Joe's actions. in the contrary she seems to play a long.

she only descovers that there is something wrong after it ends. is it the same as fucking a drunk, wasted girl you picked in a bar? maybe... after all it took one or two more shots to get her to almost pass out which one can claim she wasn't able to think clearly before as well....

nevertheless, Joe should have said whatever on his heart and leave her sobbing unharmed physically- man who experience hard time contoling their anger should be twice as careful abiut there avtioms.

powerful chapter - great storyline and suprise in the expected development!

cannot wait to start my reading with the next chapter.

Intriguing and captivating, this story is. Your writing is top-notch.

"Which way will this story go?" I'm thinking. Will they go their separate ways? Both of them hurt, bruised, and full of anger? Or hurt, bruised, and full of regret? Or hurt bruised, and surviving and rising above the past?

Or will it end with reconciliation; "happy ever after?"

Whichever, the author is making a statement about life...

This chapter caught me by surprise. I figured Leanne would confide to Joe that her father was the reason his mother died, but this--this was way over the line. The road to love is sometimes rocky. Seems this road is nothing but deep potholes.