All Comments on 'Deborah Gets Her Man...'

You keep switching from past to present tense, sometimes in the same paragraph.

6 months, 2 or 3 hours: Those numbers need to be written out. Most of the ellipses you use are incorrect.

There are lots of errors in punctuation, missing words, typos and other mistakes that should be caught by proof reading. I hope this is helpful.

Many thanks for your feedback, and yes it does help. I'm still very new to writing, but hopefully I'll get better over time...

You should write a second part where Deborah succeeds in stealing John away from his wife. Or where she seduces his handsome young son.