All Comments on 'Dee - Revenge'

not a bad story. you have wrote better.

thank you for posting this and please continue to do so.

Sorry for your loss, but welcome back, and as you see, the assholes didn't even cut you a minute of slack, so it's like you were never away.

You are a very good writer, this is not my favorite plot, but we write what resonates with us and losing an initially blameless spouse to dark forces is certainly something many of us can relate to.

The ending was abrupt, and that Jimmy knew who his torturer was but nothing ever came of it was not plausible. It needed a little more.

God bless those that suffer and those that comfort.

I urge you to find a competent editor

My condolences on your loss , that's a awful way to lose someone you've been with for so long.

I'm pretty sure that I've read this before , on SOL I believe .

It harkens back to some of the very first BTB or consequences style stories of an earlier era.

I hope that you can find your way to write some new ones and share them with us.

Thanks for sharing.

I don't believe in reconciliation but maybe in this case. She was druged raped and blackmailed

If that is your level of editing I don't see this story improving.

First she could have informed the police and got test right away for the date rape drug. Why succumb to black male knowing this will end up poorly. These type of men will not stop. She had a husband trust him ,trying to cover this up was worse than the deed itself. She wasn't worthy of reconcilliation. The set up for the revenge part was a fantasy. Olive cannot search a home without a warrant. If he had an iron clad alibi , it would be he said, and the denial. Booth are criminals in the eye of the law. A real weak plot. Sorry to say.he should have included the photo s in the divorce than giving the lawyers all that money dragging this case out.

Didn't we have a pool game and car deal to hear about???

Her story and his don't agree. She was loving it, resolved to it or not, she was a participant by the time he found out. Also the STD, she should be tested for that and more.

If you're 80 years old, how does she have a cell phone when you get out of high school?

First, my sincere condolences. Continue to be strong for HER.

Now then, a good story. Not great but not bad. Giving it a 4

JimC

Drugging and raping and black mailing make sense. Dee embracing the life of a whore because she now wanted the sex denies a woman's nature, as well as the contention that when she became an active whore she otherwise maintained her normal character, lifestyle, and attitude. Unless she was fucking men imported from another state, how long would it be before she might run into one of her previous customers while out with friends or family? How long before one of her customers turns out to know her friends or family and starts spreading rumors?

When he sees his wife has become a whore why does he not confront her, at least after he has her served her for divorce? What was the point of keeping his reasons hidden until after thousands of dollars of attorney's fees have been spent dragging out the divorce process? You had too many people acting so stupid that the story became ridiculous and then tiring.

Which leads me to believe your real emphasis was the revenge part of the plot. And that part was good. No matter what level of pain and misery Jimmy eventually suffered, he got off too easy. But at least you tried. I would have liked to see him end up in a wheel chair, dickless, eating baby food for the rest of his life and pooping into a plastic bag. But your ending wasn't too shabby either. Thanks for fucking that guy up for the rest of his life.

I would say keep writing, with more time spent making the plot believable. People aren't morons (They rejected the world according to Clinton, finally!), a little slow or too forgiving, but eventually they catch on. Don't succumb to the temptation to let your plot hinge on stupidity, miscommunication, or suddenly being struck by Martian Slut Ray. There's plenty of good stories with believable characters and plots. I hope some of those will be written by you.

80 years old graduate in 2000 hummm

made it uncomfortable to read with so many short sentences. Would have been so much better with about 200 extra commas! Otherwise an OK story.

First off, terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Also thank you for writing, and this feedback isn't an attack, it is a critique.

1. As others noted, graduated in 2000, now 80?

2. Why the opening reference to collecting cars or pool hall hustle?

3. Dee is blackmailed for sex whenever husband is away, but also during the week days. So multiple times a week possibly.

3a. As soon as husband is absent, no more mention of her blackmail sex

3b. In fact, some reference to Jimmy having multiple women and alternating, but no mention that he'd have stopped with Dee or why.

3c. Jimmy isn't at all concerned about Katie having same address as where Dee was, or question it? You write that they used that address to make Jimmy feel unsafe and go back to his place instead? Which is convoluted.

4. Why would Jimmy randomly bring large packet of photos from past events and leave them around on table? This isn't recent start to blackmail where he needs to show her. Too convenient evidence.

5. When husband walks into room, wife notices him but doesn't recognize him. One of those three are Jimmy, they don't notice him?

6. When Jimmy-foursome are done and other two go intro room, the original three folk don't notice a guy vomiting in kitchen sink, a guy they don't recognize? They don't appear to be around, or notice him taking envelope.

6a. No one notices the envelope is missing at the end? Jimmy doesn't think she stole it and confront her, etc?

7. In divorce, it is dragged on, and court orders counseling, and yet they still haven't ever talked about the reason for divorce?

8. Her adultery isn't brought up in court at all, while he's fighting her attempts to delay? After months, it is all resolved in a 3 minute conversation? He wasted a lot of time in that case.

9. A hospital nurse who sees cases of date rape drugs somewhat regularly and deals with officers would be better prepared than most to get tested, press charges and/or inform her husband of a date rape situation.

10. Who was this cousin Jimmy was married to? How do they play in?

11. Husband never informed wife she had StD in all that time? I think in fact you're obligated to and testing facility goes through possible partners. She never noticed symptoms and got tested herself and informed him of risk?

12. Going back to start, what happened to the pool hall reference?

Stay busy and develop your story more. I suspect you intended to start the story in the future. Could this really happen in BFE MI? I suppose, I knew a Jimmy like guy from Vassar a long time ago.

It`s not my pen to give feedback to that story!! Maybe next time!! Good luck in the foreseeable future!!!

This is a pretty fair story. What would have made it better was if you had left out the references to things that had nothing to do with the story. Why did we need to read about the house if it never came to play in the story? Or the playing of pool? Also your dads company? One thing that stuck in my mind was on your honeymoon you statedn ¨ I came stomach and chest.¨ How the hell do you come stomach and chest? Well. I have to say you are no better than Jimmy in that she had no clue as to why you wanted a divorce. Even through counseling you never told her or apparently the counselor. Then during the divorce proceeding you Black Mail her into signing by finally showing her the pictures. Even then.! As you realized she had been drugged and black mailed you still went ahead with getting rid of her. It leave me to believe the person that needed the help was you!! Where is your heart? Why? If you loved her as you claim ? After seeing she was an innocent person being used by Jimmy Where is your understanding? Jimmy and you must be related as it seems black mail runs in the family.

story and revenge was good and since it was not dee's fault ,you should take her back please do so in a second chapter

Not bad. Just seemed a little rushed. I would like to see a second chapter where they try to reconcile with each other. My condolences about your wife. I just lost my father alzheimers. Keep strong.

He is 80? So the year is 2065 or so? I am in a quandery, the story is not about cuckolds or wimps and so on, but the revenge is too late and over the top. His wife is more or less a victim. Three stars to keep you going. And my condolences for your loss.

No understanding from him. Just dumps her. You are sick if you think a real man would dump his lover when she was raped.

ASSHOLE

Just because you let your cunt wife cheat on you and laugh all the way to the grave about it doesn't mean we have to read this boring cuck shit.

Poorly thought out. Not very well written. No normal man would look past the rape and drugs. You need to write a chapter 2 to clear things up. And finally, as several others have commented: WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE RANDOM ASS COMMENT ABOUT THE POOL GAME?

have to stop sometime, after the closure and jail time there will always be time for more. TK U MLJ LV NV

Cliche. Misspelled word. Sentence fragment. Cliche. Idiocy. Cliche.

See? I can write a story too!

This story should have been titled "Victimizing the victim".

I know exactly what you went through. Keep writing...

But 4*.

How does him being 80 years old and looking at an old car tie into this? This couldn't be a flashback because of the cell phones, I don't get it.

About the story: I just think that these rapists suffered a lot less than they deserved...However a good story...3*

Abysmal performance

if only we could get revenge on people like him. nice tale but you should

edit your work.

Get an editor.

Not very entertaining.

Get an editor. The story line was ok, but the execution of the story stank.

You had some good ideas but the went into the story undeveloped.

GET AN EDITOR! A story is much harder to read with too many mistakes you have to try to figure out. These three were just on page 3:

When we got home, we had sex was every night.

"Dee will just shut the fuck up for once and let me speak," I yelled.

I noticed on the kitchen table this large enveloped.

Pretty good plot and story. I would have given more details on the life and marriage of Dee and hubby before all the trouble started.

3 *'s

The story line is not a new theme which has been covered in many stories on this site. As mentioned by quite a few readers a editor or two would have been a good idea.

However this is readers take noye tbis author has had a major bereavement in his family and live, a live changing situation. So i will not beat the author up on grammar or lack of editorial input.

I do feel that Dee should have had a life line to get back with her husband in the story, even if she has to set him up with FFM, other women. That would be her price to pay for not informing on jimmy ag the beginning and enjoying the sex.

I do think reconciliation stories are harder to write as there has to be a life line and chabge in climate of emotions within the story. ..

There is about half a story here.

What is here does show some potential, but there is too much missing and still many errors that should have been caught by an editor.

Too much is mentioned then dropped having made no difference in the story, so why mention it at all?

screw the bitches who complain abt an editor, i feel as though this was like whats between the lines in a newspaper report abt a divorce, nobody tell us why they divorce, they just say its not your business, yup that may be right, but still the human condition always wants to know what went wrong.

speaking of the human condition, my heart felt sympathies for your loss, am sure that no amount of words may soothe your pain,but am hapy you had a confidante for 36 yrs no matter how you defined your relationship.

Anyways thanks for writing, who knows if i met you in life we could be the worst of enemies & disagree on everything, or just good friends & agree on a lot of things, ya who knows, what i do know is that, even though technically the whiny bitches below here may be correct abt an editor, they could spare a few moments of their life edit the story & send it to you. Alas that they wont do.

but still, keep posting. its good to read a story just written plain & honestly now & then.

Did your editors even read your story?....misspelled and missing words abound!

The story started when he was 80.....he graduated in 2000....assuming he graduated at 18 that would make the start of the story in the year 2062?....why?....and what about his first car that we were going to get to later??? This story also needs a better ending....the story seems to have happened during the first year or so of getting married and the divorce final within a year.....so why the purchase of the house three years later and the extensive fix up?....what part did that play into the story....AND...

What happened during the next 60 or so years?...All the parts of the story don't seem to fit nor were they tied together at the end....maybe a chapter two could clear things up? Don't give up....you write pretty well but maybe doing an outline first would keep the story more on track? Keep writing....

How old is he? 18 at High School graduation in 2000 plus 16 makes him 34, but the opening paragraph has him 80.

So, when does this take place?

I can't even keep track of the timeline within a paragraph.

"My dad (Richard) and my two older sisters (Paula and Pam) ran (past) the business. I helped (past) out in the summer months, after school and on Saturday's. They were (past) grooming me to take dad's place when he retires. A few years before I graduated from high school, dad bought (past) a huge place with a large building on it. He was (past) going to convert that into our new retail store. The present store is (present) at our manufacturing plant. By moving the retail store to the new property and building, it gave us a bigger store and a lot more space to show our products. It also freed up space for us to store more and different types of blocks and bricks at the manufacturing plant. (we moved from what they were going to do and shifted to what they had already done) The plant was just across the river from the new retail building and yard."

are we in the past looking forward, the present, or in the distant future looking back?

could have been a great story but it read like a list

should have had more emotion, could a woman be so matter of fact and even enjoy being blackmailed and raped? "youre so much bigger than my husband, "Oh, yes, you stretch my pussy wide open and bury it so deep, that my belly button begins hurts," she said moaning in pleasure." and this was without drugs! did she really feel guilty?

Your story is confusing what age group are Dee & Frank.

Why was he away so much?

Her girl friends allowed someone they met at a BAR take their friend home (I really have to throw the bullshit flag on that one).

Why was he being loyal to her and still divorce her sense he knew what happened to her.

Good thing she didn't get Cancer because he would dump her over something she didn't control.

Still you should rewrite this story and fire your editors. Unless they upgraded your story to really bad from sucked really bad.

Ain't no fucking way!!!!! No way 3 editors even read this, what a pile of garbage.

You were a C student. And I doubt if you even got that high a grade in English.

You write like you're 12. Totally incoherent. Take some time to develop characters, stories and scenes. By the way, you must be one hell of a handyman to totally gut your house and expand it in such a short time. Where were all these friends while you were working on this house?

My Dad passed away from the same! Now about your story? It's OK

To me it is missing a lot? The ending is missing. Maybe an Epilog

SO YEAH THANKS FOR SHARING THIS GOOD STORY WITH US!

LOVE YOU ALL! BYE GREG!

OH 70 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

You said there was "close to $100,000". You took half, you gave your four friends $10,000, then gave the guy $50, 000 to hold for your ex. Strange math not very close to $100,000.

Calm down people, he is trying to write, can you?

and then gave his revenge a turn at bat, TK U MLJ LV NV

cuck shit!!! Fuck you annony!!!

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

Stop insulting people "Anonymous". You pathetic and hateful prick. Nobody forces you to read anything here. I wish Literotica would ban people like you from insulting others. You sound like a fucking bully high on drugs. Keep your asinine comments to yourself.

Self-awareness is a good thing. I’m not saying don’t write. I’m saying get an editor. Your ideas are cliche but no worse than a lot of the crap on here.

Other than cutting off their balls and using the blowtorch to staunch the bleeding (Which should have been done because payback's a bitch) this is a great story!

You started the story with: ((( Tomorrow will be my 80th birthday. I was in the pole barn outside of my farmhouse, looking at my collection of classic cars. I was standing by my first car, a 1964 Pontiac Tempest. )))

You posted this story in 2016, when I was 75. In 1964 I was 24 so that makes your character 28 yrs. old when he's buying his FIRST car. Did he sell his bicycle for the down-payment on liability insurance? Had Mommy been giving him access to her 'cookie jar'?

(I know a US Postal carrier who lived with and fucked his mother until she died @ 79. He was 18 when his father/her husband left them after he walked in, caught them mid-orgasm on the kitchen table with their son balls deep in her cunt. I got the whole story in bits and pieces over years. She was a real MILF and he was doing it. He told me that she'd noticed that he was very well hung and started sucking his cock when he was 12. She swallowed his first orgasm and, a while later, gave him another one. A couple of days later, she got in his bed, fucked him bareback and let him cum in her. His dad had trucks and a mail delivery contract. He was out of town a lot and it was six years before he caught his big dicked son cum-coating the walls of his mommy's pussy.)

Good story. Doubt this could have been saved even if she had come clean. Good that Jimmy was able to share the suffering.

In view of the circumstances,why did he not take Dee back?.If he felt strong enough to damage Jimmy he must still love enough to give her another chance.

He got revenge for his self respect and dare i say PRIDE. AS for her she lied and lied and that and her continuing cheating he cant take her back. no trust love or respect there anymore. she started as a victim and evolved into a piece of trash. bullets cant be unfired and she shot their marriage and relationship dead after she kept it up

Good Story but, not complete. There are rumors that sex offenders suffer a grim fate in prison themselves. Multiple rapes,beatings and finally a fate worst than death or wishing death. If he went to prison there was more to write.

Jimmy would go after David , if the police did a search and found a drug,bail would be posted and these type of individuals would seek revenge especially with all that money taken. David’s life would end .

whilst a good read, if he cared about Dee enough to give her father the money to help her out when she needed it why didn't he mention the STD's she infected him with, or did I miss that part?

would life ever be close to the same. TK U MLJ LV NV

I do not believe that the ones you say you have are any good.

To many holes,4***

Why did you have her dragging the divorce on and waste money? He could have met with her earlier, shown her the pictures and got the same result. Did he get married again?

I think this story is a Great read .. I wonder how many People got that STD .. I know that Jimmy is going to run away from That part of the state .. There were 4 guys but only 1 did not wear a mask .. Jimmy will keep his mouth shut and sale everything . He also has the other Husbands and Boyfriends to worry about .. I would have taken that Hammer to Jimmy and his Buddys Dicks .. But that is just Me ..

My favorite type story. Not a BTB, but one where the cheating wife's lover received bloody revenge. This was serious revenge.

Waste of time, I could have done something productive like had a colonoscopy.

He didn't tell her about her STD. Doesn't Michigan have some sort of Health Department? She would have been able to figure out that he knew when she was hauled in to get treated. I hope the Help Dept form had enough room for all the names she should have given them.

Paint by numbers....worlds sweetest, nicest, greatest husband.....then the wife is written as a lousy easy lay.

Fairly certain the male writers need to lessen their hate of women.

Average revenge story. Hard on Dee, she was used.

Dee got off pretty easy, but poor old Jimmy was taught a hard lesson about fooling with married women.

I gave up on the story and skipped to the end when you made the slut a coal burner .

Interracial is disgusting .

One star

Dee, a nurse/health professional, doesn’t know she’s a STD carrier? Hmm

Jimmy rapes and blackmails his own family? He should be dead!

This didn't make any sense. At the beginning the main character is 80 and buying a vehicle. None of that information has any relevance to the story which is narrated. The graphic sex scenes were totally irrelevant and like the remodeling of the house, which took some reading space. Dee basically told her story twice, nothing to gain here either. 2*

Drugged (supposedly) the first time but after that went full slut mode? Stupid excuse. Once again no punishment for the slut, how original....

Another premature ejaculation story!! Finished way too quickly and with no finesse!! I felt pissed off and unfulfilled by this P.O.S.

I am so very very sorry for your loss.

I think some accommodators below should have read your preference.

They were extraordinarily cruel in my opinion.

Just doesn't jell.

Over the top, but enjoyable in the end. It is an interesting lesson in trust - trust your spouse when you have been date raped and don't give in to blackmail.

Great Story!! I loved it!!

Uninspired. You need to proof read. A LOT of mispelled words, grammar, plot issues.

Your writing will get better if you correct these issues.

Let me add that all of us are so sorry for your loss. I pray your pain will pass quickly.

I thought to myself. 'God I love Dee so much, just how could she do this to me? What did I do that was so wrong?

Come on! This is total tripe. Also, why the drama of withholding the photos from her.

Revealing them would have obviate the court BS. Also, gave him a bloody STD, which glossed over.

SHE was a willing and happy participant.

As for going after Jimmy, why? He fucked her but she accepted and then kept going

The so callednlack Mail was just self justification give into being a slut.

NO WHERE does she express remorse.

So, his angst over her, from any dimension, is beyond stupid. This story was needlessly drawn out, shows the MC behaving like an adolescent.

Now, it could have been a good story , but it's clear, to me at least. This story serves your purpose with no thought to a discerning readership.

Condolences on your loss!

I liked your story. Someone had to stop Jimmy from ruining peoples' lives regardless of whether Dee enjoyed having sex with all of Jimmy's friends or not the first time was rape. It's too bad that she didn't go to her husband and the hospital so she could have proved it and instead chose to continue to betray her husband and their vows. But then she'd already betrayed him from before they married so as they say 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. David should have put a stop to the divorce delays by immediately letting her know that he had proof of her infidelity, the STD he got from her and that he knew everything rather than letting her drag it out. He was a lot more generous than anyone else would have been in his situation by giving money to her, being fair in the divorce and stopping Jimmy from hurting anyone else. 4 stars as there were some spelling mistakes but all in all a nice revenge story!

I can't believe it!! Finally, a well written story with a fitting amount of physical retribution in it. By the way, GAGE , while being a perfectly good word, does not mean GAG.

$100,000 does not divide into half for the MC, $10,000 for each of his friends and $50,000 to Frank.

It's great story and of course by the end of it I was hoping for a part 2

🙈🙊🙉