All Comments on 'Demonic Partnership'

Brilliant story, I really hope you keep this story going as I think it has potential

The errors makes is a bit distracting. The story is different and I'm curious to find out if Simon will go with Azrial.

The errors were quite jarring though. Usually I skip pass them without recognizing them, but this go round had some disconnect. Could just be the dialect but some of the speech just seemed, wrong. If its just how they talk, that's fine, I can adapt, just make sure it makes sense to you and an editor before posting xD

More would be nice

Thanks for your comments, I am working on more chapters for this story. This story has no editor I just proof read it all before I publish and the dialog is suppose to leave you wondering with the demons as they talk as superior beings to humans. But that is how the characters speak.

Can't wait for the next chapters, interesting story, keep up the good work, you may want to contact an editor in Literotica to help proof read. I always find that a second pair of eyes tend to pick up errors the author does not initially see.

you have an intresting plot, but you should work on your dialogs,they are a bit dumb.

I really like the plot of this story. It's interesting and has a lot of room for for growth.

However the chapter needs to be proofread. The overall flow is choppy with words missing in sentences or unneeded words in sentences. Additionally more details would make the story more deft. By details I mean more filler in the sentences and in between events.

Why did Simon cease having sex with Terra without either one of them asking why they stopped or explaining why they stopped.

Why did the demon lord ask if anyone has seen the two before using his demonic powers to speak directly to Terra?

Also the part:

Simon simply said "That table is quick to have a go at me throughout the course so making them feel that is what they deserve."

Seemed a very odd course of action on Simon's part.

Again I like the plot and I look forward to continue reading the story.

Thanks for posting

Thanks for your input, I realise now that it is choppy but in later chapters it has improved.

so far I can't see how you managed a 4+ rating...

Truthfully, you nearly lost me after just the first paragraph when you talked about someone who was a typical eighteen-year-old virgin until after their eighteenth birthday - as compared to someone who was an eighteen-year-old virgin BEFORE their eighteenth birthday...?

Proofread. Proofread. Proofread...

Too many other stories with good plots to make it worth wading through stuff I can barely figure out. Not to mention, you hurt your story by causing me to obsess about the way it reads vs the story itself.

I agree with Ambivilance, I don't see a 4* rating story here, this is more like a 2-3 at best. The plot has potential but the writing style is sadly, atrocious and jarring when reading and you're missing too many details. On top of that, things happen too fast, the dialog needs a ton of work. Example of what I mean: she see's him, rips off her clothes and impales herself on his cock. No, just no... that's not how you write an interesting sex scene at all lol, there needs to be more buildup and details, writing it like the way you did is boring and not effective, sorry to say, even if you somehow "did" manage to achieve 4 stars here. Like Ambivilance I'll also attempt chapter 2 but so far I don't expect much, which is unfortunate because there is a story with potential hidden in here, but it's buried beneath a lot of inadequacy. Lastly, while I know this is a story about demons and such... 18-20 inch cock, really? really?..... beyond pointless and exaggerated, demon or not, but it's your story. Not trying to offend you, it's just my honest opinion but that doesn't mean you should give up, at least you're trying and I wish you well on your future works, hopefully the story (mainly the writing) gets better.

Thanks for all of your comments unfortunately I am not going to update the story as it finished with demonic war. I have gotten better with the grammar and use of the English language towards the end. However at the time my English writing was poor, now it is better so hopefully you will see that in future stories and the later stories then this series.

enjoyable, actually. potential betrayed here, develope it.

Glad that you enjoyed it and the story has been finished. Though it does get better as I developed my English literature and English language skills, I have no intentions of redoing the story as it would only be copying it but better grammatically.