All Comments on 'Depravity Pt. 08: The Conclusion'

Sorry but you totally lost my interest with the final two chapters. Things went from implausible, but nonetheless entertaining, to completely farcical. You get a reluctant 3* from me, only because you write well and are reasonably adept as a storyteller.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. As I've said before I write these episodes based on the fantasies I have, usually in the shower, and turn them into a story. I wanted to end this particular story with a bang and hence it is a bit over the top. ...but it is called depravity after all. I'm starting a new series soon so fingers crossed it appeals to you more.

Pen

x

As usual the sex scenes were very hot and very well written, yes they were a little over the top, but let's face it; it's either gotta be like that or something completely original - which I don't believe is really possible nowadays - to stand out.

I think the ending, although interesting and a bit unexpected, was quite rushed though. This episode was longer than usual but maybe more space should have been given over to the plot.

In the end a series that I very much enjoyed, but feel it could have been more.

Thanks Penny.

Yes, this could have been much better had you not rushed the ending. In that sense, I agree with the Anon (well, mostly because it was me - sorry, usually don’t post anon. Comments, but was on a new device and couldn’t remember my password). I should have clarified my comments a bit. I truly enjoyed the story as things ratcheted up in the first 5 chapters. Like I wrote, implausible, but very entertaining. That’s certainly OK, this is fantasy fiction after all. It’s just that, for me to enjoy a story fully, there has to be a limit to the “suspension of disbelief” required of me as the reader. I like a good unexpected twist ending (don’t we all?) as well. All I could think about while reading the final chapter was that there is no way that sane people would react to situations this way, no matter how “depraved” they are. As Steve and Louise were plotting Michael’s downfall, the acknowledgement that it was “risky” but “only if he finds out”, just rang sooo very false, given that Louse KNEW that Michael had cameras and microphones all over the house (you never stated specifically that they’d been removed, and anyway why would Loise believe or trust Michael to keep his word???). Of course MIchael would find out and be prepared. Given all the buildup in previous chapters, there is NO way Louse would have “forgotten” that MIchael was probably recording EVERYTHING that took place in that house. If the intention was to imply that Louse WANTED things to end this way, you failed completely to providing any indication that she enjoyed what was happening to her (if only subconsciously)! These stories NEVER work when wimpy, clueless hubby values his JOB over his WIFE. If Steve was as good at his job as you implied, he could easily find another one and would NEVER have agreed to letting Louise “pay” for his mistake. No, a much better ending would have stopped before Louise made her “payback” video, because she would, by this point, clearly have known that either Bonnie or MIchael was behind Steve’s little hotel room episode. Clearly Steve knew something was up too, in asking (forgot your exact wording) “who are you?” Yeah, ‘cause NORMAL fresh out of college “interns” don’t know the things those two ladies did, unless they put themselves through school by being “in the biz”. A nice “twist” for me, that would have flowed much more logically from the previous buildup, would have been to have Steve and Louise turn the tables on Bonnie and Michael, even to the extent that, in the name of revenge, they themselves became truly “depraved”! You could have had even hotter, more humiliating sex scenes amongst your four main characters by making that turn starting in chapter 7. That ending would have been more logical, I think it could have been written in a mannner making it unique, and it certainly would have been more viscerally satisfying (revenge is always good in my book)! You write very well, and like I wrote, are good at telling a story (which puts you miles ahead of most Lit authors!). You just need to think about the story arc, the plot, the resolution as being believably interdependent. After all the great buildup, it was a shame to see you end this so abruptly (and yes, farcically). BTW: You never even told us what actually happened to Steve. He was “arrested” and “vilified”, but that certainly didn’t mean he ended up in jail, and the marriage was over. Louise mentions SHE could buy a house, so it’s implied that Steve is out of the picture. I think a decent editor would have mentioned some of these points, and helped you come up with a much better ending. I’m hopeful, and looking forward to your next story. Please learn from this on and take your time on the ending. There are all too many Lit authors the just stopped writing, leaving the reader hanging, because they hadn’t planned the ending prior to actually starting to write (thus the popularity in the LW stories of FTDS)!

I just finished the series and read through all of it. im usually not into domination, blackmail, or humiliation but I really enjoyed this series. As I got to the end and read about Steve getting arrested and Louis becoming a sex slave, I was let down. Its a good twist of an ending as they are just a normal thing for Michael to mess with. As its arousing, its also a crappy ending. They are forced into shitty lives and had no control over the situation, except what Louis in the last chapter. The two of them seemed to get past the gangbang and they should have just moved on. With all the dirty trails that Michael was making, there would be just one piece of evidence that would get him arrested. Cops today can pick up DNA, record phone calls separately to monitor, and the fact that sex is common in the work place would be told immediately. Maybe it could have ended happy as Steve still goes to jail, Louis as the slave but either Louis stabs Michael in his sleep or the cops finally busted Michael. overall, it was very well done and written perfectly. keep at it.

same old story all the same no point in writing it get a life

5 stars regardless but I didn't like Steve going to jail. Can't please everyone!

Depravity was a good title for this story. I can't recall ever reading such depravity. Arousing, yes -- but I wondered how any woman, much less Louise, could take as much as she did and enjoy it. The story was well written, and the author does have a very creative mind. It would have been nice to see Michael get his comeuppance at the end.

Yes, “Depravity” was a very good name for this story series. My wife really enjoyed the “revenge fuck” video scenes that Louise made with Nathan. One year for my birthday, my wife (a white, blue-eyed, blond) gave me a video of her fucking a hung, black guy – and it has been our favorite video every since.

Now, our favorite bed time activity is me fucking her with a huge black dildo - she loves to be stretched. And she belives that all white wives should have their pussies stretched so they can no longer feel their white husband's small dicks! She says that white wives should be given a black, gang bang on their wedding night. Once they enjoy cumming on BBC they will never stop!

Getting back to your story, you had a good bit of humor in it, which my wife and I enjoyed. Here are just a few, which made us chuckle:

“I tripped over one of Steve's shoes and cursed under my breath. Steve made a sonorous mumbling noise and rolled over. I picked the shoe up and took it with me. Fuck you Steve you can go to your next conference in one shoe.”

“I spent a long, long time in the shower making sure I was scrupulously clean, realizing the irony of it since I was planning to get filthy.”

“Long strings of drool fell from my mouth and my eyes watered uncontrollably. I must have looked like Alice Cooper with my makeup running.”

"Remember what they say? Revenge is a dish best served cold? Cold as ice cream perhaps?"

I nodded to Hank.

“He handed me a tub of half eaten Haagen Daas ice cream, Steve's favorite flavour. I wiped my spunky fingers into it, then wiped up the jizz from my thighs and flicked that in too.”

"Hope you enjoyed your ice cream with that special new flavor last night." I said into the camera.

Nice Story!