All Comments on 'Derek's Story Ch. 02'

That was incredible. I seriously can't wait for more chapters!!!!!

This story kind of grabs a guy by the balls and won't let go, which is all to the good, but the grammatical and vocabulary errors are sometimes confusing, sometimes unintentionally funny. Mixing up conscious and conscience, for example, or implying that sights and sounds have awareness. Needs a good editor, but don't overdo it and lose the great flow of the story. So Kara loves the sex, but refuses to be exclusive - that leaves Derek available to the competition. But what if the competition wants to be exclusive? And how many women are going to be interested in the new and confident (overconfident) hero? Hmmm!!

You are writing a very good story, but it is diminished by so many errors in grammar. I am sensitive to them as I'm an editor for many authors and would be willing to help you improve the readbility by editing it for you prior to posting. You can find me listed in the editors section.

Lots of errors as mentioned above. I've noticed similar errors in many authors stories as well. Is there a spell checker issue on this site? Orgasm/organism is an error I've noticed in particular. Literotica needs to get this checked out (I've turned my auto check function in Word off years ago)

Looking forward to chapters 3 through 28 real soon!!!

Marvin

I cringe every time Derek thinks of the Kara fuck sessions as "love-making."

I like the story line and the irony that is about to begin. I'm waiting for the shocker, so I should read chapter three. Please do pay attention to the word spelling and seek out an editor if you don't have one. Pretty good job of telling a story.

RS

Nice ending, I have to see how the ramifications will play out.