All Comments on 'Derek's Story Ch. 04'

this guy is totally not likeable. kara should be kicking him in the balls. this story went to total crap. too bad because kara and derek sl in the begining had something good going for it, now derek is just another loser with the story not being any where close to being believable given that kara would be mad as hell at derek and he would have to be doing some serious work to get her back. and no he is not in love with janelle, that is total lust. sigh...this story is now just typical and boring.

If his women would just tell him what is going on things would be easier. But they won't and he is stuck in the middle.

What do you mean Derek is not likable? If anything, he is a kid that is clearly in over his head, but I disagree with him being unlikeable. I am curious to see where Syrus takes this whole thing!

Without giving away too many spoilers, I plan on dealing with all the issues you raised in Chapter 5. Derek will continue to have an internal struggle with how he feels about both girls, and well lets just say things might happen. I also agree, Derek is in over his head.

Thank you for reading!

What the Hell is this big secret that you keep hinting at? I enjoy your story, but the fact that you keep hinting that something big is going to happen soon is driving me crazy. You better not be like a lot of other writers on her and kill off one of the main characters for little to no reason because you think it adds to the story.

I just discovered this story and I must say I am impressed. I premise is really interesting and the character development shows that the main character continues to evolve. Keep up the good work!

Excellent chapter, can't wait for chapter 5. I have to agree with anonymous. Don't make it a sad story just because "life isn't perfect", like so many other authors do. Now if you have a reason to make it sad, then please do follow through with your story the way you intended to. Never liked when some authors throw out the life isn't perfect line. No sense in that being in fiction that is supposed to make you feel good.

the story could still turn around and get back on track with derek facing actual consequences and reality (which is what sets great stories apart from not so great stories. depth/layers and character development). however, i stick to my original assesment that derek has become unlikable in this installment given how he is going about stringing these two plus girls along (he has developed an ego that is unbecoming thinking that kara is throwing herself at him because of jenelle. heck, thinking he can have them both is laughable given that neither girl could in reality live that way, nor would i want them to unless they found love with each other, but then that should leave derek having his own problems arise out of that. yes, a trio sounds good in theory but few can make that type of relationship work without over whelming insecurites). not to mention that he is way in over his head and letting lust and greed cloud his judgement (thinking that he can have sex with jenelle while trying to attach deeper meaning to that while in reality clear it is just lust and ego. some would say that he could even be doing so in an attempt to justify his actions, as a way to deflect the reality that he is betraying his love kara) which should cost him for awhile imo with kara (i do not believe that she knows about the other girl, nor do i believe the text that was sent to derek really was for him. which means that he over reacted in the first place). sure, he is 18 but in life that is no real excuse. and even young adults face consequences at that age for their actions. this is not to say this story could not have a nice ending, just that derek needs a reality check. a moment in which he realizes the truth and could lose it all (of course he doesn't). just my opinion. so don't come gunning for me.

Thank you for reading and for you feedback. I have been bouncing some ideas off my editor, and I will tell you that Chapter 5 will deal with all the issues that you have raised. I will not reveal what happens, but I will say that Derek starts to think about what he is doing.

I will also say that I have Chapter 6 and 7 already planned out. The Big Secret, as you call it, will be revealed in chapter 7. Again, thank you for your support and I hope you continue reading!

I don't understand why this story is not getting higher ratings? Everyone is always complaining about how most authors make their characters' flat. Derek has evolved a little more in every chapter. Currently it seems like Derek is thinking he is on top of the world. I expect that everything is going to blow up in his face pretty soon. When that happens Derek will continue to grow. Also, just out of curiosity, does anyone else get the vibe that Jenelle is crazy?

Each chapter has gotten better. Your editor has really helped a lot. This is much more readable. I'd agree with what others have said: Derek is both easy to dislike, and he's over his head. I do think the author has done a good job of pointing out this is a young kid who doesn't know what he wants. He's still new to all this, and expecting him to act mature as a college aged person is unrealistic. Of course, we as readers know better, and that's why his two timing, selfish ways aren't endearing. But we have to trust in the author to weave a story of his maturity in a good fashion.

And yeah, please don't kill one off or make one act in se bizarre fashion for effect. Seen that too many times. Please keep up the good work and don't leave us so long between chapters!

Are you going to continue this series would like to know where things are going from there

I am almost finished with chapter 5. I just recently started a new job and moved. I will get it posted as soon as I can.

Loved the story so far! Whats the status on Ch. 5? Looking forward to it

Fantastic story line. How does Derek extricate himself? Does just tell Kara & Jenelle about each and end up in a threeway? What is Kara's secret is that Jess or Maura or both are also in love with him and are jealous because he hasn't picked up on the signals yet? WOW just can't wait for chapter 5!!!!!

this writer is like all the rest, they start a good story drag it down to the dumps keep promising big secrets then leave the readers hanging. IF you had been smart (which you have proved your not) you would have written the whole story out in rough draft including chapter breaks BEFORE posting anything. then if you had a brain fart like now the readers would not be left hanging. delete the whole series and don't post any more until the whole series is ready to be posted all at once.

I sure hope you are going to finish this story

Please continue this story to it's conclusion. That is to have Derek with Kara, or by the last sentence maybe Maura is in love with her brother. Jenelle seems to clingy and a little off. Please finish this great story

Ummmm so it's been almost 2 years are u gonna finish the story or what?

Okay so you git me hooked , now keep going , this is really addicting getting dstarted on a good story then it ends way too soon ........!

you need to learn which person is doing the talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where's the rest of it?

Oh no. Abandoned with a cliffhanger :(