Desert Chemistry

The clock eventually ticked over to dinnertime, and David had everything ready to go: two mouth-watering steaks ready to grill, a large baking potato, and a vegetable casserole, the same one his sister Joan had made when her family had come for dinner. I told her how yummy it was then; David must have remembered. There was a bottle of red wine sitting on the counter that even I could tell was expensive, and a little box from a fancy local bakery.

David did all of the cooking, refusing to let me help with anything, even setting the table. I tried to relax and not fuss too much. I sat outside with him while he grilled the steaks, and then sat at the kitchen counter while he got the vegetables out of the oven and put everything on the dining room table. The steaks were wonderful, mine a perfect medium and his red in the middle, the potato was yummy with some sour cream and cheddar cheese, the wine lived up to its price tag, and the vegetable casserole was even better than when Joan made it. Dessert was a pecan tart, the upscale cousin of my favorite pie.

David cleaned up after dinner, and then we sat together on the couch and watched Gravity. It's one of my favorites, and I sometimes have to fight off tears by the end. Plus, you know, Sandra Bullock.

I was starting to wonder about David - it was the big day, and he had yet to even hint at sex. After the movie, though, when we snuggled up to each other, it quickly became clear that the moment was at hand.

"Come to bed with me, love," he said.

~~~

I went to my room, brushed my teeth, and changed into a silky white camisole. I didn't expect to be wearing it, or my panties, very long, but I wanted to look nice for David anyway. I had gone shopping on Thursday night for something to replace my usual oversized, beat up tee shirt.

David was waiting for me when I walked into his bedroom, still wearing the jeans and polo shirt he had worn since we got home. "Don't want Lucie wandering in tonight," he said as he closed the door behind me.

"No, I guess not," I agreed. My heart was in my throat.

"You look beautiful," he said, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead.

I leaned into him, my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating, steady and strong. His hands caressed my back, leaving tingling trails through the silky fabric.

"Your new top is very pretty," he said, and then he pulled it up over my head.

His own shirt and jeans came off next, and we stood together for a while, skin touching skin. "No matter what happens tonight, I love you," he said. "You know that."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I stripped off my panties and laid back in the bed, silently offering myself to him. He looked so beautiful standing there, tall and lean and strong as a Greek god. With his underwear on, I could ignore the bulge and admire his body as marble perfection made flesh. Soon enough, though, the underwear came off.

I just stared. Between his legs, I didn't see the blankness of a Ken doll or the delicate folds of a woman. I saw this thing, aggressive and alien. It curved upward a little, like a cavalry sabre, poised to impale me. I laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes, but I did not think of England. All I could think of was that thing. I wanted David, but I didn't want IT.

Then he was in bed with me, kissing me and stroking me and making me quiver. He was a skillful, considerate lover, and this part was familiar. There were differences - the hard, flat chest; the clean, masculine scent; the scratchy stubble on his chin; and those wonderful hands, big and strong, but nimble as concert pianist - but I had experienced this part before, with women. I could relax, forget about that thing, and focus on what David was doing to me.

What he did was wonderful. He bathed my body in soft kisses and gentle touches, and it responded with goose bumps and that wonderful, warm tingling. His kisses and touches came into focus between my legs, and he manipulated my body with the same precision he showed manipulating enzymes in the lab. He drove me right to the edge and then pulled me back, time and again. When I finally came, my body quaking and entirely out of my control, he was lying beside me, kissing my mouth, looking into my eyes.

He let me rest and catch my breath, kissing me gently on the forehead. "I love you, Allison," he said.

I just smiled back, still not quite able to speak.

When my mind recovered and I was present enough to remember what was coming next, I closed my eyes again and my whole body tensed up. I did what I could to relax, but it didn't help much.

Then he was on top of me, and that thing was entering me. I screamed inside my head, but I willed my body to stay still. He eased it all the way in, slowly and gently, until I felt his hips touch mine, and then backed off a little. Tears squeezed out of the corners of my eyes, still shut tight.

"Allison, sweetie, are you okay?" he asked. "You're crying. Did I hurt you? Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I heard myself say. "I'm okay. I'm really okay."

And I really was. I had expected it to feel wrong, like an invasion, a violation. I could allow it, because I loved him, but I couldn't welcome it. Now that it was inside me ... he was inside me, it felt completely, uncompromisingly right. That thing was part of him, and I loved all of him.

I opened my eyes and looked into his, the blue-green of a Caribbean cove. "You're so wonderful, David," I said. "I love you so much."

The worry melted out of his face, replaced by a flood of relief. "You're sure this is what you want?" he asked. "You're sure it's okay?"

"I'm sure," I said, and put a hand behind his head to pull his mouth to mine.

He started moving, slowly at first and then faster. I was intensely conscious of David inside me, silky and slippery, melding his body with mine. I was conscious, too, of his arms around me, his cheek pressed against mine, his breath against my neck. I shifted to find his mouth with mine and kiss him again. It felt so wonderful, having him inside me, that the tension built quickly, and I came again, an explosion of pleasure radiating out from my center. I clenched down around David inside me as I did, and that was enough for him. He emptied himself into me and collapsed beside me, completely spent.

Lying together afterwards, David looked dazed, enough that if he got up, he'd run into the walls. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, still breathing hard. "Just dizzy. You were amazing."

I hugged him tighter, and my hand settled between his legs. "It's hard to believe I was so worried about this little thing," I said, smiling at him.

"Little?" he asked with mock indignation, and turned to look me in the eye.

"Well," I replied, "it was bigger earlier."

Feeling mischievous, I sat up and began to tease his body with touches and kisses, as he had done to me. He made no move to stop me. I'm not sure he could have, as dizzy as he looked. "Maybe we can make it big again," I said as my kisses traced a line down his belly.

"Allison, sweetie," he said, "men are different. It takes time before we can ..."

I took him in my mouth, and that cut him off completely. He still tasted of woman, of me, musky and a little sour. He was hard again in short order, despite his protests. I climbed on top of him and guided him into me, gently rocking my hips back and forth. It felt different, being on top. I set the pace, and he relaxed and let me lead. When I looked down at him, he beamed back at me, his expression full of happiness and love. On any face, male or female, that expression means that we belong together.

The second time was slower, and we could enjoy the full sensory experience, not just blinding heat and need. I came first, a long wave rolling over me, and his tension mounted as mine subsided. I leaned down to kiss him as he came, my nipples tracing lines up his chest.

He was already asleep when I came out of the bathroom. I climbed into bed and spooned myself behind him. I lay there for a while, holding him and listening to his breath, and then I drifted off, as happy as I could remember being in my life.

~~~

Sunday was completely unplanned, and we really didn't do anything at all. We took Lucie out for her morning and afternoon walks, but we didn't leave the house otherwise. We ate leftover Chinese takeout straight out of the container for lunch, and we skipped dinner entirely. I'd say we spent the day in bed, but we actually spent it throughout the house, finding every spot that was good for sex. For the record, the kitchen counter is terrible, despite what you see in the movies. My favorite was the overstuffed chair in the living room. We even tried outside, in a secluded corner of the back yard where nobody could see us.

~~~

Monday morning we were back at the office. I felt like a whole new person, but the work we had in front of us hadn't changed. We submitted the paper and everything else that day, and on Tuesday the attention started pouring in. Leo and the press office handled the official stuff; David and I just got emails telling us where to look for the stories. We both read the fairly long piece in the Arizona Republic, which actually mentioned us along with Leo, but we didn't watch any of the local news spots. Nationally, The New York Times covered it, along with some of the big internet science and tech sites. The Wall Street Journal and The USA Today did not.

Most of the attention, though, came from scientists. I got a bunch of emails and even some phone calls from people I knew in grad school at MIT, people I'd met at conferences, and people I didn't know at all. Many were just congratulations, but quite a few had follow up questions. After getting the okay from Leo and the press office, just in case, I answered as many as I could.

There were also personal congratulations, from people around the valley and back in Boston. Dad must have bragged about me to anyone who would listen, including my high school chemistry teacher. I even got an email from Xiaomei, who was back in China designing bridges. How she heard about it I have no idea. The one that made me happiest came on Friday, when Anne called. I was smiling all weekend.

~~~

I moved bedrooms over the course of the first week, shifting closets and finding space in the bathroom for my stuff. My room became a second guest bedroom, and David's bedroom became our bedroom. We were a real couple, in every way.

Being together really wasn't much of an adjustment. The only thing that changed was that we slept together and shared a bathroom. And had sex. Definitely can't forget that. We fought about silly things, like who used up the toothpaste, as much as any couple, mostly in the mornings when we were both grouchy. I was definitely not a morning person, and David wasn't much of one either. Even grumpy and tired and fighting, though, I was giddy. I was giddy that I had this wonderful person in my life, and that he seemed to love me as much as I loved him. Working and living together, we spent almost every hour with each other, but I never got sick of him, and he never seemed to want to get away from me.

We talked a lot over the next few months about the big stuff, beliefs and ambitions and family. The most important conversation came out of the blue, one night over dinner.

"What about kids?" David asked.

"What about them?" I replied, taken aback.

"Do you want them?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I think so, one at least. I didn't think I would for a long time, but now I guess I do."

My answer surprised me a little. It had been a long time since I had even considered it. David waited for me to continue.

"I kinda gave up on the idea after I realized I was a lesbian," I said. "Marriage had just become legal in Massachusetts, but there was still the biological problem. And after Anne, I didn't have a serious, steady relationship until us. What about you? Do you want kids?"

"Yes, but . . ." he said. "With Melanie, it was easy. She wanted to be a mom, and I wanted to give her that. Her job wasn't that important to her; it was just a way to pay the bills until she found a man to support her."

"Yeah," I said. "I got that from her. I was surprised you wanted it too."

"I didn't really," he said, "but I loved her, and I wanted her to be happy. You're different, though. You're way smarter than I am, and I can't imagine you not doing science."

"Sweetie, you don't have to say that," I said, blushing.

"It's true," he replied, "and you know it's true. If your career means we can't have kids, then I'm perfectly willing to not have kids."

Hearing the conviction in his voice, the fierce love and pride that was all for me, almost made me cry. I took his hand across the table. "I love you so much," I said. "You are the most wonderful man in the world. I do want a child, your child. And I do want to do science. I think I can do both, especially with your help. We'll make it work."

"Okay, then," he said. "We'll make it work."

~~~

I spent the rest of the school year, until my contract ran out, refining the work we had done in the paper. The set of four catalysts expanded to six, which meant a more complete and consistent breakdown of the various bonds in lignin, and better feedstock to convert the alcohols and sugars to useable fuel. I also mapped how the reactions changed under different conditions, varying pH, temperature, salinity, and a bunch of other factors. David helped when he could, but he and Leo were busy setting up a company to continue the research. I heard about their progress every once in a while, but I tried to keep focused on the work in the lab.

One Wednesday morning in March, Leo handed me a packet of papers and told me to review them over lunch, by myself, and that we would discuss them the next Monday. There was a lot of stuff about patent ownership and licensing, venture capital, and corporate structure. I didn't have any experience with any of it, and the legalese got pretty dense in places.

I called Maggie for help, but she told me I needed my own attorney. She worked for the university, and I needed someone working for me. She gave me a couple of referrals, and I called the first one on the list, a guy named Wayne at the biggest firm in the valley. I knew it was going to cost me, but this was too important to not go for the best. I set up a meeting Friday afternoon.

The law firm occupied the top floors of a medium-sized building in downtown Phoenix. The lobby was very slick and impressive, projecting just the image they wanted to project. I felt more confident about my choice of attorney even knowing I was being manipulated. Wayne's office was on the east side of the building, and it managed to keep up the intimidating law firm look, with a bookcase full of matching bound volumes outside and framed modern art and wood paneling inside. I had never seen a desk that clean and organized. I could pick out Sun Devil Stadium through his window, and from there I found the Bateman physical sciences complex where I worked. I had a pretty good guess at where the house was as well.

We sat down to look at the papers, and he went through everything very patiently. I was getting a full share of the patent, just like David and Leo, which was somewhat unusual for a post-doc. I would also have a corresponding interest in the company if I decided to join. He went through all the details about what it would mean for my life, which were exhilarating but a little scary.

"They must really need you," he said as we finished up. "They're offering you a great deal."

He handed me his card on the way out. "Call if you need anything else," he said with a warm smile. He knew I would call, and that he had just found a valuable new client.

~~~

I went over everything with David and Leo on Monday afternoon, thankfully well informed. We were getting second round funding from ASU's incubator fund - our work was already past first round levels - which would buy or lease us the equipment we needed and allow us rent an office and pay salaries for David and me, a few techs, and a manager through the end of the year or so. The board of directors would just be the three of us, at least initially.

"The techs should be pretty easy to find," David said, "but I don't know where we're going to find somebody to run the company. I sure as hell can't do it, and I don't think Allison can either."

I shook my head no.

"I know some guys," Leo said. "Ambitious execs in the industry who are looking for an opportunity like this. I don't think you want any of them, though. You need somebody you can trust, somebody who will put your interest first."

"Yeah," David agreed. "I think that goes without saying."

"You'd be surprised," Leo said. "I've seen a lot of promising ideas crash and burn because of cocky CEOs. Even if you find somebody who doesn't screw up, you'll have to give away more equity than you want."

"Well alright, then," David said. "Do you have any other ideas?"

"I do," Leo replied. "Maggie."

"Really?" I asked. "I think she's awesome, but she's never managed anything in her life."

"No, she hasn't," Leo agreed, "but I don't think that really matters. You're going to refine the process, get it up to industrial scale, and then sell it to some big energy company. You'll never get above a dozen employees. Sixteen at the outside. Managing a company that size isn't hard, especially since you can outsource all the administrative stuff these days. Maggie has the skill set for it."

We both nodded. That made sense.

"More important, though," he said, "she's a lawyer and a negotiator, and she's damn good at both. I've seen some of the license agreements she got for the university, and the terms were better than we had any right to expect. Those are the skills that are really going to be important, and you won't find better."

"Can I talk to her?" I asked. "She'll probably be freaked out about the idea, and I think it'll go better coming from a friend."

"Excellent idea," Leo said. "Just make sure you do it soon."

We went over the rest of the details, and then David and I stood to leave. I stayed behind when David left and closed the door to Leo's office.

"If my lawyer is right," I said, "my full share came out of your pocket, at least partly. You really didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did," he replied. "Not because I like you, although I do. It's just good business. You're the key to this whole company. Without you, it doesn't work. You can do more with the chemistry of those catalysts than David and I can put together. You need to be an equal partner."

"Okay," I said awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond. Leo smiled and shook my hand, and I left.

~~~

I had lunch with Maggie on Tuesday. Her first reaction when I brought up the idea of her managing the company was, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

By the time we finished up, though, I could see the wheels turning. She met with the three of us that afternoon, and came back Thursday morning to tell us she was in. It took us another week and a half to choose a name. David and I drove out into the dessert west of town for a hike, and we saw the answer right in front of us. Palo Verde Technologies, named for the Arizona state tree.

Maggie and David formally resigned from ASU in May, right after graduation. My contract ended at the same time. We all took a week off, and then got to work the next Monday morning. For the first two weeks, until we could move into the office space we had rented, company headquarters was our dining room table. Maggie did most of the work, getting all the administrative stuff going. David helped where he could, but I felt kind of superfluous. About the only useful thing I could do was interview lab techs, and that didn't take a lot of time.