All Comments on 'Destined Lovers Ch. 01'

It seems like this story is off to a good startime, you do however need an editor or someone to proofread for you. Keep up the good work otherwise:)

It seems that this is going to be a love story with romance the driver rather than sex. Which will give you a great opportunity to show the characters emotions develop as they become more involved with each other. I look forward to more chapters.

Thanks for sharing your imagination with us

I second the love story idea -- keep Henry and George exploring and learning about each other! George really deserves a break from his uncle! And Henry seems to be a kind and gentle lover!

It's great, and I love that it is romantically driven, however I need some better physical descriptions!

Excellent start, I will be looking forward to more chapters. Even without any sex in this chapter, I still gave it 5 stars. Yes it was that good!!!

Great plot so far. I have no suggestuons about that. If you dont have a good plot thats easy to follow, you dont hve a good story. Cant wait to read on how it develops.

Needs a rape warning for some.

Needs an editor or at least a thorough revision before posting. It seems some words were changed by autocorrect (ex: you said he drove a priors vs a Prius)

For the love of god, when typing a conversation, keep the words of one person in the same paragraph. Individual lines of quotes usually indicates different people talking. I dont know how much Literotica alters the format when submitting.

Ex. "I've never wanted to kiss you so badly," Paul said to Marcus "but people are around and this part of town isn't so friendly to male relations."

"You're right," Marcus replied "so let's hurry up and finish our business here so we can get home."

"Hell yes. I love you." (Paul responding)

"I love you too." (Marcus responding)

**You're already 8 chapters in so this advice might be irrelevant to you now.

After reading "Forever Yours" I knew I had to go back and read this one. I am gay, and I particularly enjoy stories that have a great plot with a little sex thrown in for the flavor.

I think Literotica needs to add a new catagory: "Gay Romance" as some of my own writing would also be better there. I get very bored reading one sex scene after another.

I agree with another com-mentor that you really need to do a better job proofreading.