All Comments on 'Devil May Care Ch. 02'

I love the idea of secretly being fucked in a room full of people. So hot. And the chemistry between Dey and Loki is both entertaining and believable. Looking forward to your next chapter.

It's always great to get nice feedback. Though, as a question to everyone who read this: Was the glossary neat or just annoying?

Though, if you liked the story (glossary nonwithstanding) , you can check out my Purgatory War novellas for something more fantastical. The second Purgatory War novel releases in a mere three days, so you can preorder it now!

The Murder Stroke: https://www.amazon.com/Murder-Stroke-Purgatory-Wars-Book-ebook/dp/B071NKZCXW/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Riposte: https://www.amazon.com/Riposte-Purgatory-Wars-Book-2-ebook/dp/B071ZL2X9W/ref=pd_sim_351_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=507CCZ2VF9K8EZ2DDTK8

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Thanks!

First of, congratulations on an amazingly well written and thought-out science fiction story. I'm really enjoying the read, and am looking forward to the next chapters. :) I do have a couple of questions regarding some things that seemed a bit off to me, considering the military/spec-ops theme of the story. Please don't think of me "bashing" on your writing or your plot (and I really hope I don't come across as "angry"), this is my honest opinion about certain aspects of the story.

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First: why not androids or robots? Why do the humans do this whole AI integration + cybernetic enhancement stuff, instead of building something like Chappie, or Ethan from CoD-IW? Right now I feel a lot of the AIs' potential is wasted. Their superior reaction and calculation speed is mostly useless, since they still have to interface with the much slower human consciousness and can only operate within the limits of human bones and muscles. A robot who gets its left arm torn off can still use the rest of its body for the rest of the mission, while human soldiers with the same injury will likely die where they are in a matter of minutes - whether or not their AIs numb the pain.

True, a robot could be hacked or EMP'ed, but a human can be poisoned, suffocated, captured, tortured. And how well is the AI and the various implants shielded against EMP weaponry? Since the AI implant is seemingly capable of completely replacing the normal sensory input to the brain, why couldn't a captured human be put into a godbox with a simulated world where they were freed or rescued (esp. when the captors wouldn't care about any permanent neurological trauma) in order to make them divulge secrets? A captured robot's AI might have a very hard time to figure out it was inside a godbox, but for a human it would be outright impossible.

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Second: I really don't like Loki's behavior at the shooting range. The range (and weapons drill in general) is usually considered very serious business. What does he expect to happen if his attitude or behavior was found out by their superiors? Dicking around (ba dumm tss :P) like Loki did could easily get Dey to replace the toilet cleaning bots for a couple of weeks, or even completely kicked out of the program.

I don't understand why a military AI specifically created and programmed for a secret spec-ops program doesn't have a certain modicum of respect and self control when interacting with military installations, procedures, or personell. It just feels so completely out of place (and character) for an otherwise well written persona.

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Third: Are you sure the humungous capacity of the AFG, and probably all other firearms, is a good idea? How many redundant systems and backup drives does a single rifle have in case a magazine gets hit? Only counting the regualar rounds, the max capacity of 15 million bullets (assuming 5.56mm for a future version of an M-16) are a bit less than 185 metric tons and about 120 cubic meters. This is about 6 times the max weight and 1.4 times the max volume of a 45' heavy tested freight container.

If a rifle's or mag's drive/containment is damaged, will it dump all that crap right on top of the soldier? I assume so, because you mentioned the risk of the K9s in Dey's shoulders and the special energy source for their containment. That makes aiming for your opponents' weapon one of the best possible strategies, especially for snipers with special ammo.

If you manage to make one soldier's gun spill its guts you effectively turn it into a frag grenade with a kT yield and take out at least the whole squad. Even at only 0.1% of its maximum capacity, a damaged mag would still have the potential to crush a soldiers arms or legs under 180kg of ammo that suddenly appear out of thin air.

If it's only to vastly increase the amount of ammo a soldier can carry (so that you wouldn't need to count the bullets when writing action scenes, which I perfectly understand!), I personally like the approach of the old Blue Planet rpg a bit better. In that setting catridges has been completely replaced and magazines only carry the actual bullets, giving a rifle mag a capacity of ~120. The bullet is propelled by a liquid 2 component explosive (each component on its own non-flammable) which is mixed in the chamber and then ignited by an electric spark.

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Fourth: thinking about the weapon magazines gave me a couple other questions about the whole DeVilbiss technology. Can this technology somehow be detected? For example the permanently active drives containing the K9s? Also, how hard is it to acquire those items as a civilian, since you repeatedly mentioned that they are essentially batteries? Is there some Space-Ebay where one could buy a dozen H3s (I guess it would be H for hecto = 100?) or K1s that have the power to turn a whole inner city into a sphere of sliced hot slag?

Since any damage to DeVilbiss drive storage systems (intentionally or not) would be catastrophic by default, are there any countermeasures you can take? Is there some kind of dampening field that prevents damaged DeVilbiss storages inside its area from spilling their beans?

Are there weapons that specifically target DeVilbiss technology, trying to explicitly cause such catastrophic failures? A weapon that caused all DeVilbiss storages on a ship to instantly unload into the ship would be devestating - thousands of cubic meters of ammo, water, supplies, food, utilities, tools, clothing, and repair material flooding several hundred cubic meters of available space.

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We'll probably get to find out one or more of the things above in future chapters anyway. ^^ Please keep up the great job with this story. I'm really looking forward to the next chapters. :)

So, to pull the curtain back, Devil May Care and all the other stories I post here are first drafts. Like all first drafts, they haven't been critiqued by others, and so things that I (a faliable and foolish author) miss go into the pot. So, getting this kind of in depth examination is useful for when I do my eventual second pass and re-release.

NOW!

Questions and answers times!

WHY DON'T THEY USE ROBOTS? Human governments and alien powers both use a lot of autonomous drones (one appears in the third story, in fact.) As AIs take time and energy to make (since they need to be effectively grown and raised), there aren't as many to go around as people would like. Those that "wash out" of the Devil program due to either being unable to integrate with an AI or some other reason are put into other areas of the military or civilian sector that can use them.

And secondly, remember: The AI's improved calculation and thought speed is used to manage the hundreds of DV emitters that make Devil troops so effective. To Dey, she just wills her implants to create telekinetic or teleporting effects...but the actual math is very intensive and that's where Loki comes in - triggering and shaping many different warp fields to create the effect needed.

FUCKING AROUND? Loki is very young as AIs go. I've never served, but I've heard a great deal about the irresponsible shit teens who go through training go through. Remember, they can't just "program" attitudes or beliefs into AIs. AIs are "raised" like a human is. And while they can instill a sense of duty and martial responsibility...well...sometimes, it just doesn't stick.

However, I am fully aware that the scene may not play. I may remove it, or change it around in the second draft. Maybe put the fuckery in the mess hall?

INFINITE AMMO AND INIFNITE TERROR?

Well! Here's where we get into some fun parts and I can answer two questions at once!

A DV Drive is basically an Alcubierre drive. Or, in other terms, a Star Trek warp drive. It works by expanding space behind you and contracting space before you, allowing you to travel faster than the speed of light without breaking the rules set down by Einstein. However, after some research and development, people figured out how to "dump" some of the space warping into dark matter. Meaning that you can make the space infront of the emitter get shorter, while the space behind the emitter doesn't change - becuase dark matter doesn't interact with reality.

This is how we get "monopolar" DV emitters, which is how telekenisis and force fields and anti-gravity is created.

Most DV emitters that are not EXPLICITLY designed to also explode (like whirlers) have saftey features that cause their faliure state be "dump everything into dark matter."

So, if a fluxgun's ammo gets hit and the emitter fails, the ammo doesn't explode the ship - it instead is dumped into local dark matter, marginally increasing the local mass of space time...and when you compare the weight of even 15 million 5.56×45mm to the weight of the already extant dark matter in the universe, it's negligable.

However, detecting DV emitters is as easy as detecting gravity waves (which, ironically, was what Paul DeVilbiss was attempting to make when he accidentally built the first DV engine.) Every major city, space port, air port and starship has a GW detector and not just for counter terrorism - it's part of the "internet of things" that keeps the economy of the 22nd century ticking over smoothly. Since DV emitters that are saftied produce a subtly different signature, they are easily detected...

But that doesn't mean counterterrorism in the future is easy. A DV backpack can hide a lot of traditional explosives, and batteries can be modified in city by people who know what they're doing. Needless to say...this keeps a lot of people up at night.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I am very thankful for your comments!

-DC

My vote is neat.

I wish that the DV tech was attributed as a spin-off of the great (IMHO) 20th century paint spraying company's R&D. The possibility sparkles in my own mind's eye.

The USMC intra-corps tension described is a continuation of that between the Airwing support and the Ship's complement of Marines aboard carriers, in my youngerday experience.

Good writing,

Michael

First off, I’m loving this story so far, just one pet peeve got triggered, the calling of an AR-15 an assault rifle. While technically correct, the Armalite Rifle 15 (AR-15), which was produced in very limited numbers in the 1950s, was the base for the M-16 after it was purchased by Colt, who went on to produce the Colt AR-15, which is a semi auto civilian version of the M-16, and definitely not an assault rifle, by definition capable of full auto firing and designed for military use. Most people are only familiar with the Colt AR-15, commonly referred to as an AR-15 and produced in massive quantities, confusing matters.

If you do a re-write, you might clarify which AR-15 (Armalite/Colt) you are referring to. I’ll just keep dreaming of a time machine that will allow me to go back in time and seriously fuck up those lazy ass bastards at Colt who named a gun with a completely different action, which is the primary part that defines a gun, essentially the same name.

At any rate, I’m off to enjoy more of your writing. Thanks for sharing your talent.

This takes place almost a century into the future and over that time, not only has the AR-15 been altered to be fully automatic with its technological adaptations using the flux-technology of the late 21st and 22nd century...but also, the nomenclature around what an "assault rifle" has altered.

I think of it like how a "frigate" in the 18th century was one kind of ship, fitting a specific role (long ranged workhorse), but by the 20th century, it's become a very different kind of ship, with a very different role (that of an escort craft for capital ships.)

That's why Dey refers to the AR-15 as an assault rifle!

Basic chemistry!!! OXYGEN DOES NOT BURN, it helps the burning process which is called oxidation.