by Darksider
You need to write more of this! I loved it! I want to know what happens next!
As Peter Griffon would say. " DUDE! THAT WAS FREAKIN' SWEET! "
As stories go, this one wasn't very good. It sounded like a horny teenage boy wrote it. You misused/mispelled "there" (using "their") and "then" (using "than"), and had an over use of everyone's names. Like when you were writing in the format of Evan's journal you did not need to say Mark and Matt's so many times. You could have added words like "they" or "them" (depending on which flows with the sentence structure) or even "the guys". My biggest pet peeve, though, was your description of the hymen. They are actually visible when the legs are spread. There is no way a cockhead would pop into the pussy and THEN the hymen would block further entrance. And an FYI, it is extremely common for virgins to NOT have their hymen anymore for many reasons and unlikely that a virginal teen would still have one.