All Comments on 'Diary of John: The Babysitter Lena'

Good story, if a bit slow-paced for my tastes, but enough spelling mistakes to be distracting: puckered out => tuckered out, masterbait => masturbate, peaked => peeked and more. Literotica has a section on finding an editor.

I agree with the prior comment. There are numerous very distracting spelling and grammar errors here. Major proofreading is in order. Story drags quite a bit.

A ten-year-old could write better

Drags on quite a bit. It was a good story until the the night of her birthday. Basically he's getting her drunk, drugged her with a 'horny' pill... um no. The story from there reads like a cheesy 70s porno.

The spelling errors and grammar issues really do affect the story. Recommend getting it proof-read & editing help.

Keep on writing & publishing!

good story of Lena showing her ex-bf what he lost in her beautiful body and virginity, some errors in grammar but readable. Please continue with love story of Lena and John and relationship of Keira and Lena, Keira loves Lena so much and story can become very interesting.

You say you're handsome, ripped, with a huge cock & all the money in the world but you still need alchohol, drugs and a girl on the rebound seeking revenge to attract a girl? At Lena's age all you need is to be acceptable in the looks department, able to carry a conversation, and let her catch you looking at her genuinely attracted, she'll do the rest.

About as cliched as it gets. I hope you made Jane a little different, or does she also have "a round firm bubble butt and perky 30C breasts?" Does Jane also wear every stereotypical "sexy" girl costume as well??

It also definitely drags; a little self induglent. It's too bad because it actually wouldn't be too bad if you had more of an imagination. I didn't think the actual Writing was that bad, but then I skipped about 80% of it.

No you for your feedback. English is not my strongest language and this is the first time I decided to publish a story or 2. I write for myself and if you don't like it then my apologies. But thank you to those who read and liked it, I hope to do better in the future

Ignore the haters, take the constructive advice and carry on! This was great, thoroughly enjoyed this =) when can we expect the next submission??

So John puts love pee in her unprotected pussy, and she's going to have a new name-Mrs. Also, Kiera loves her new mommy, and the new baby she has in her belly that mommy and daddy made!