All Comments on 'Disarm You Ch. 01'

more, please

The beginning was perfect, but at the shower you sped up. Just adding a bit more tension would 've been great as well as a more detailed sex scene . Looking forward to your next material. Just a few more lines for both.

As a work in progress, it is well written. You definitely should pace yourself when building up the sexual tension. Overall I enjoyed it and hope to read the revised version.

If this is going to be a multi-part story, you should slow the pace way down. For example, don't have them fuck so soon. It needs more build-up. You also need an editor and/or a beta-reader to get some of the grammar errors out of your writing.

Literotica has several hundred volunteer editors. Being new, you may have missed that fact. Contact eight or nine of them and you are sure to find someone who is willing to help you.

One thing more: since your member biography sheet is so scant on details about who you are, I am going to guess that 1) you are male; 2) English is not your native language; and 3) you don't read what you have written to correct the easy-to-spot mistakes that reading over what you wrote, setting it aside for a day or two, then reading it again would catch.

Try to take your time with your story. Rushing to post it is neither smart nor beneficial to you as a writer. Some readers will take exception to what you write; be prepared for it.

One last thought: you may see multi-page chapters to stories. It takes around 3,750 words to get a second page. The longest story that I have posted as a stand-alone story was in excess of 11,100 words: As posted that was a three-page story. By comparison, in my word processing software it was about 16 pages of 8.5" x 11" paper. So there is no correlation of pages as you write it to pages as it gets published.

He would have been able to visibly see if she was a virgin as the hymen is the extra skin which causes the entrance to be protected. It is what makes entering painful for a virgin because the skin rips when entered. It is not an inch or more inside, so please do not make the mistake so many other writers of erotica make. You can search for pictures to show the location and types of hymen which can be present. There are different types and conditions which may cause more pain.

Finding someone to proofread is paramount. There are some who do it for writers here, so search the forums. As others have suggested you need to slow down the pace of the story and not rush thw development.

And why on earth an exclamation mark/point in the title?(!)

But I had a boned for most of the story