by Krystal0690
It reads like somebody making an over the top ridiculous joke. But like almost all humor in print it fails, some of it due to the media, some due to the timing, but a lot due just plain old poor communication.
o*
already part 1 moves on so quickly and everything is so unbelievable and short. not interesting at all.
Someone that has obviously never experienced any love in their lives ever. Apparently looking to substitute orgasms or abuse for love. # 1
...but I had to let go of the last semblance of disbelief very early in this one. I suppose it works as an anything-goes sex fantasy, but I like stories that seem plausible at some minimal level.
Just my opinion. Otherwise, this was well-written aside from a few typos, and I appreciate your vivid imagination.
And given the poor quality of the dialogue even that didn't create anything entertaining. Poorly written with cartoon characters that are totally unlikable. Not worth the time spent reading it.
Why is this posted here? There are no husbands in description or dialogue. All we have are slutty skanky women enjoying themselves
She has so much sex with so many she'll never be the same when she is let go. He sold his wife and now a whore will return. If even that happens. The letters will change
Story was kind of hot in the first chapter. Now I just feel sorry for her husband.
i would have liked more depth to the storyline, a little more interaction between the characters & greater insight into the events.
having said that, maybe the frantic, fast paced style will work.
but , with single page chapters, it has the feel of a comic strip, rather than a story.
ch01 & ch02 .. possibly the the next chapter as well , could have been posted as one piece, which i think might have gained you a higher score for the effort.
xxxhugsxxx
I think you wanted to post to what am i worth.
Two suggestions. Be more descriptive in visual, auditory, and smell senses. Also, the emotions. How Lars' huge erection squished tightly in her married cunt, making her scream until she almost passed out. She would be hoarse when she talked to her hubby tonight from the screaming.
Two, now start bringing in the hubby. Certainly he should be getting suspicious by now. How is he going to handle not only her porn business, but also her unfaithfulness and breaking of their marriage vows.
And you can spell and use grammar correctly! 5 *'s
I knew you woouldnt wait, and I never said slut was a bad word
What is erotic about a brain dead piece of shit slut. About all this skank is good for is spreading S.T.D.