All Comments on 'Discovering Amy Ch. 02'

Way too much dialogue, with no speech marks so you had to keep saying their names which got annoying. Too short and uninspiring in my eyes and why was there nothing to do with tom?

Lack of quotation marks for dialog earns you a one. That's basic stuff when it comes to writing.

Okay, this is better—you have the dialogue and we know at least a little about how Amy thinks. You still have a major hurdle, but it’s an easy one to make. I’m talking about dialogue punctuation. You can find very good info in the writers resources section right here on Lit.

I just checked to see if maybe you were from a country where the norm is different, but apparently you’re not, so with your permission I’ll rewrite a paragraph here to jump start you on the right idea.

Ex.

“Are you thinking of sharing me, Daddy?” Amy asked, as she smiled and started to rub my leg. “I’ve noticed him too. Trish told me that he’s got a huge cock. Maybe Tom and you could tag team me.”

Anyway, I hope this comment helps. I’m sure it’s worth at least as much as it cost you. Good Luck and keep writing. The dreamer