All Comments on 'Disposable Hero Ch. 02 Pt. 05'

Twisted Drow plotting and a good story, keep up the good work. We eagerly await the next chapter.

Man story looks good. I liked the chapter but I was totally pissed off when Mica become like a doll. I really hope she will not remain one and others somehow get her back. She was pretty interesting character that used her brain so its kinda of a let down at least for me. I think goddess Lloth would be kinda in shock if she ever tried to make others in doll because it seems to me that the mark they have is constantly warning them and protecting them. Will see how things go when Henri kick their ass when they try to attack and hurt his women. I bet he would go berserk Guts style he he.

I'm enjoying this story even though it is tough to read at times. A couple of pointers:

1. "Hopping" is what bunnies do. "Hoping" is the conjugation of "hope" you mean to use.

2. You often switch between first and third perspectives. While this isn't the end of the world, when you do it mid sentence it ruins the flow for the reader.

Like I said, I am enjoying the plot and the story so far. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

this story is sick! the twists and turns are driving me crazy, I cannot get a handle on the outcome, be it the ending or next chapter.. damn man, do I love a good mystery!!!!!

keep them coming

So far story is pretty good.

The characters are done good. I like how you made things with three sisters. It will be fun to see how their status between them will not shift and will that status affect their personality's between them and how would consequently affect Henri's view of all three. Would they care that it change. What would Belar think with having his child and her sister been his slave. Would she try to exert authority over her as well or try to play along. would Shynta see other two as treat to his affection. What would be Zilvra's reaction after initial revelation about current events. Would she try to find out more about it, Would she try to talk to Henri about it more as to why he did it? Maybe even try to argue about it with him showing that even thou she is not aware of it that Henri's teaching is starting to change her view on things, maybe slowly but its still there and later in retrospect she would notice this, maybe pointed out by Belar who also Change tanks to his influence and caring Henri's baby or something on those lines. So may possibility's.

The part that kinda didn't expect was with Mica. She was pretty interesting Character in its prime of development. The point that she is currently reduced to merely a doll kinda didn't fit well(personal opinion only). I think she should have more time to develop and for us to get to know her more so once something like this happened we would more care and feel more sorry for her as a character. It would certainly have more emotional impact that way on us as readers. I sincerely hope she will not stay like that until end of the story and somehow she would be brought back ether by Henri or something else and not left to dust and never mention after this in the story. She just shown so much character potential as the one that try to think before she jumps and try to see things more in the future outcomes then present time.

The plot in this chapter so far looks ok and sets in motion many things by Lloth to try to put Henri to her way, The main question is What would Henri do, and more importantly if Henri by now can he utilize his untapped magical potential. It should be possible given that once he was in rage and felt betrayed he certainly shown them and by now logically he should have try to experiment of the view and learn "thing of two". Keep in mind what sisters said about him tapping in convergence point in chapter 2/pr.3 and his not slow learner and he probably didnt show all to anyone considering that they did try to betray him few times so its safe to assume he has his own few "ace in the sleeve" sort to speak in case he needs it.

he could be power to recon with, so powerful that it might be treat to them as whole. That begs the Question, If they try forcefully to push him that way it might get to the point that other houses and Lloth have bite more then what they can chew in him. it would be interesting to see if he left the place in ruins as he escapes showing that they might have to rethink their original plan and make things more interesting. We shall see about that one.

Dirzune is still a wild card in my opinion but she is still not playable since she still don't have Henri's trust, The question is how would she try to get it, Deception or sincerity, that would be a prime question at this point and how would her kin see of Henri on short and long terms. She seems as a ok person that's trying to do whats best for her people and so far also trying to do whats right in her view of things. There might be clash between Lloth and her view in near future so it will be interesting moment if the main question is pulled for Lloth to answer and that would be one question that could be very important for story it self, and that would be "are there beings that are above you my Goddess?" It sure would make interesting twist in story considering that is already shown that "gods" in this story are not all knowing and by that definition not all powerful so there must be something else out there that is above them if thought logically.

In any cease Good chapter and nice story progress so far. Hope you will show more of the things underground before you move quickly out of this world and out on the surface.

Best wishes and Good writing from ZeoUnit

Hi man, even though i know you dont have an editor i must congratulate you on the story. it is indeed an awesome story and editor or not, im looking forward to more of it...soon:-). keep writing

So far, they have had some issues like many have mentioned - switching 1st and 3rd references, some wrong words used, etc. This one seemed to just bounce around a lot, no real introduction of the new characters and what there was of an into was very hard to follow.