All Comments on 'Do Not Pass Go Ch. 02'

You actually made this return of the children's affection believable. Very good writing

Thankyou

Looking forward to the next chapter.

from my tiny corner of the world, these challenges, triumphs, upsets and pains are just like the twists and turns our lives take. we want the lives that flow smoothly down stream. but what we have are the rocks and rapids making living our lives much more difficult (and special.) this writing is an excellent rendition of what one life could really be. thanks for all the thought and work!

The first chapter was very like real life but it was really just too sad and defeatist. Now our hero is looking to get on with his life and looks like he’s having a little success. As I said in of the last chapter the actions of the now ex-wife are unfortunately still running so close to real life I wonder if the author has been through this horrendous scenario. Or whether he just keeps his eyes and ears open.

DC

Looking forward to the next episode. Thanks for a good read.

Nicely done - looking forward to the coming chapters.

good story bring back a lot of bad memories, all the thank god now that they are older they knows that the divorce was not my fault

This story seems so real life. I can feel for Peter and the kids and can see how the ex has developed into such a shrew...almost a carbon copy of her mother. Can't quite see how she could be such a bitch, except for the need to always be the winner. Just can't wait for the next installment.

I like the way you tell the story - you make it easy to visualize.

Keep up the good work!

the story is very good and it hooks you from the get-go but this second part has some rather odd, dissonant interruptions,,, it's like you want to say, WTF when you read it and still want to say it after you've read it,,, I had hoped for a more resolute guy. He promised us such a resolute person, at the end of the first part, in fact. He said, "This was the first step" towards getting my kids.

But then we find that in this second, the guy spent most of his time listening to phone calls from the ex-, arguing with her on things both already knew about and it contributed NOTHING to getting his kids back: they both knew she's a bitch and they both knew the old ex-Confederate judge, dead now, was an idiot; and they both knew she could not and would not make a good mother.

So why is he arguing with her on the phone and at the same time pretending to be both pissed and not pissed at her?, when they both knew talking to her won't get him any more visitation time, much less shared or full custody?

I mean, really, he'd (the guy and/or the author!) be better off having some DIALOGUES with the nieces and nephews and his sister, in St. Paul, than having unintelligible, nonsensical phone calls with the wife, no????

The author's gotta do a better job continuing on with such a promising start! This second part is mostly a waste of time, sorry!

I hope the story will end with some cheery note, currently it like reading about the life of a loser. Readers also feel they going down into the dump with the main chracter. Too much dialogue, more like reading a movie script then a story.

Overall, the story seem too real and too painful.

As I commented before your storytelling skills are superb.

The truth is that many divorce proceedings do not have "hard" evidence of infidelity. As if the average person can afford to hire high-tech detectives and they can readily obtain evidence you can present in court. If a man catches his wife cheating chances are he will confront her then and there to try either to save his marriage or to obtain agreement that they should divorce. The court thinking about the welfare of the kids, typically sides with the mother because men are not usually the nurturing type. Unless Peter could prove that Jess was Saddam's American plaything or she was on drugs, having orgies and hooking on the side the outcome would have been the same.

You have done a good job of letting the ex-wife slowly realize that winning custody may have not been a smart move. Although Jess is not interested in getting back with Peter she is beginning to realize how valuable he was in her "perfect" life.

Bravo for having a male character who is not waiting for his lying cheating wife to come back to him or sitting in misery alone and not dating anyone. Peter has truly moved on with his life.

Keep on writing this good stuff!

SleeplessinMD

Story seems to flow well. The relationship with the kids is good. I'm getting a feeling that the wife, Jessie, is having second thoughts about herself and their relationship. I don't think she is into reconciliation, though. She doesn't care enough.

Wonder if there's some way he can help Teresa with HER kids.

broken relationship. I am glad to have read about one of the up points in this story. It is a sad thing that the courts don't look at both spouses when choosing the best for the children. Luckily, I was able to gain custody of my children. I shudder to think of what they would have been like in her care.

Thank you for the time and effort it took you to write this story and I look forward to the next chapters.

The scene during the visitation when the kids broke down was the one that did it to me. I'm a recently divorced guy and I'll probably never see my step-daughter again. I often wonder what an encounter would be like: how much does she hate me as the villain of her life, or how much does she realize that I tried my best with a partner that was emotionally manipulative? I'm glad Peter got his answer.

This story is really about how a person may be ripped apart ny our legal system. Once the courts, and god help you, DCFS, you are well and truly screwed, no mistake. Few escape unscathed unless they posess great big piles of money and political influence. They may lose, but that does not necessaily make them losers.

You make it easy to read the next word. There are several clever little twists in the dialogue between the three main characters. Quite often I find myself surprised by what you have them saying.

This chapter had a different feel to it. I cant quite put my finger on it but I know that both chapters have been superb.

Thank you

I like they way you're unfolding the plot, and I especially like the way you write dialog - it's like listening to them talk. Can't wait for part 3

Chapter 3 will be finished in three days. I don't know when it will be posted, but rest assured itsa coming.

You indicated the next part would be in 3 days... It's been 3 weeks...

eh, a lecherous old man w/ no balls.

one of the better ones

there are no words to describe how inept the story is here...

in almost every case this supposed MAN does exactly the wrong thing.... and we still dont know WHY....

if his kids are so important to him why is he in Minnesota? There are No jobs between his location and theirs? does it have to be 1000 miles?

Excellent writing. The author makes good use of dialog to move the characters smoothly through the scenes. His characters are richly drawn, and we see their strengths and their weaknesses in their words and their deeds. They act consistently, not perfectly, to be sure, but with a decided uncertainty that is deliciously human.

<P>

Harry can't figure out why Peter took the job in Minnesota. I guess he missed that part of the story because it certainly was no mystery. Next Harry professes to be baffled b/c the main character didn't take a job in the town where he lived. Maybe Harry missed the part about the whole division of engineers being laid off? The author's explanation made good sense to me. Oh, well.

Your writing is excellent as well as your description of the father with his kids, it warms my heart to read it. But the story line? what is this guy, a living zombie? Get a taperecorder let the kids tell about what that emotionally damaged woman told them give it to a lawyer ask what to do etc etc. It drives me mad reading about his slowness and incompetence.. Yoron (Yes you saw right, no 'cheers' this time Bro)

OK the guy grew a pine AND wings all in one chapter, and reading about his life isn't anymore like reading the events log of an emergency room, the kids are turning around the bitch has confessed on her own will ...things are looking up! Yes the writing is really good.

What a mope.

This was drug out to the point of total boredom.

That is the best description I can give this story, I almost couldn't follow the story because of it's being drugout so much.

It has nothing to do with the story and just drags out the story. I deducted 2** because of it. If you want to write about Thereas, make it another story.

Like the previous writer stated, the story is dragged out.

you mentioned 'story' three times. You're starting to sound almost exactly like JohnDoe...

Nah can't possibly be, John's got a gorgeous wife at home who occasionally gets raped by the brothers, bosses and an odd bitch here and there and John's far too busy doing them in to have the time to write almost a million utterly inane and moronic comments in a month.

Good one gaz.

she got stabbed in a gunfight

But where is this going? Ok the kids like him again. Now what?

it had nowhere to go.

afraid I don't get the negativity. Other than being abandoned, this is a great story. It always perplexes me when people complain about a story taking too long, especially after only six pages.

in the first chapter, also. He held up his RIGHT hand to show he did or did not have a wedding ring.

The faggot writer obviously has to make the husband out to be the worlds biggest most pathetic loser ever. Not very realistic at all. The only thing to root for in this mess is that he goes bat shit crazy and kills the CUNT X and her CUNT mother before he offs himself. The worthless kids would be a nice touch too.

“If you didn't have to have supervised visitations, this wouldn't even be a problem.” – He wouldn’t “need” supervised visitations if you hadn’t LIED in court! You knew damn well that there was no reason why he couldn’t have normal visits.

“I knew the only thing mom cares about it herself." – I hope the CPS woman is taking all this stuff down!

“I had a perfect life and now it's shit!" – I’m glad YOU had a “perfect” life! Too bad you had to screw him over to get it!

"You're such a bastard..." – HE’S a bastard? She’s a bitch, and he was a naïve wuss, but NOT a bastard!

Peter is a spineless wimp cuckold, too stupid to be an engineer, and is such a natural born looser that he will never change. I couldn't understand this story until I realized that LightontheSound was probably looking in the mirror and then writing about the image that he saw .

I wasted my time reading the first 1 1/2 chapters but will not finish the series.

To the previous anon, thank you for not reading further. Non Trolls rejoice. I am rereading the series and enjoying it. The first chapter is a total bummer, it it builds very nicely. Onward the better things now...

The story isn't getting any better!

Looks like he's finally starting to grow a pair.

I forgive his original stupidity but he needs to do more now

Starting

But

High gear

Didn't follow this part at all.

Twice you made the mistake. I guarantee you that if you look at my right hand, you will not see a wedding ring. I do, however, wear my wedding ring on my left little finger, rather than my ring finger. That is because I am still legally married, but my wife and I live separately, as we are separated...not divorced. We have been separated for the past 12 years. But I would take her back in a heartbeat.

Hand on dicks and fingers in vagina etc cheating. If doesn't pass spouse test IT'S CHEATING!!!

Why would you write a story about such a pussy?

Cheating. Definition!

Mine is -if it doesn't pass spouse test it's cheating!!!

Kiss lips, fondling, groping, dance too close etc etc and etc

He cheated and getting drunk and driving!! All respect gone.

It was going pretty well as a well crafted story...but where is the so-called Chapter 4 you promised? A great pity as this tale needed finishing

You are a wimp pussy, not much of a writer either.