Don't

I was so angry and appalled at the idea of a threesome but then Catherine looked at me with sad puppy eyes and for the first time in two days I felt remorse and sadness.

"I'm sorry,"

I ran over to her and pulled her close in a tight hug.

"You were only trying to make me feel better and I appreciate the thought. Granted it is unconventional but sweet,"

She released herself from the hug and held her hands in mine.

"Let's go sit down and have a talk,"

She lead me over to the couch but not before grabbing the bottle of sparkling cider that I brought off of the counter.

"Where did Rick go?" I asked.

"I sent him upstairs to watch the game. The Jaguars are playing the Texans so he won't be coming down for a while. It's just us girls,"

"Oh alright,"

"So...how do you...feel about"

"I'm not really in the mood for anything right now," I said interrupting.

"Oh, I figured that,"

"It's not you. I promise, this is just," I stopped mid sentence and started to tear up. I saw a photo on the wall of a snow covered mountain lodge and then everything kind of hit me.

I wasn't safe wherever I went.

I was still in my hometown by the Atlantic Ocean on what was supposed to be my honeymoon night in Lake Tahoe.

My eyes felt hot and flustered, my head was light, and my heart was heavy. I couldn't take it anymore. No amount of wine, gin, or even Tequila was going

"Why...why...did this happen?" I said sobbingly.

I buried myself in myself into the couch.

"It's ok," I heard Catherine say.

"Think of it as your prom night again,"

"Oh no! Not that again," I said come up to her face.

"Eve stole my date then too!"

"That was the worst no second worst night of my life,"

"Do you want a tissue?"

"Yes please,"

Catherine reached behind the couch and pulled out a box of Kleenex. I took one and wiped my eyes with it.

"I know I'm not the nicest person in the world but, did I really deserve this? I mean... come on Catherine. Tell me the truth,"

Catherine took a breath and took me by the hand.

"Ice cream, we need ice cream,"

"What?" I said.

"Ice cream. Chocolate no Neapolitan, that's your favorite right. I'll send Rick out to get some. Rick! Come down here please,"

"No, no stop," I said.

"Why?"

"I just...This is a lot ok. Like a lot a lot, I can't. I can't handle it right now,"

"I don't like that you don't trust yourself," Catherine said interjecting.

"What?"

"I don't like that you live in fear constantly," She said again.

"Look Jax was an idiot for leaving you up there but you're be the biggest fool in the world if you don't start living. You're afraid of everything. Finances, marriage, shopping lists. You've got to stop and just do things. Be brave for once. Not angry brave but brave, brave. You're strong,"

"Strong?" I said.

"Yes, you're very, very strong," Catherine said.

"Ha, ok. I'm strong but...that doesn't mean I'm brave and,"

Catherine grabbed my face and pulled me in for a kiss. An unexpected one but it was not terrible. Her lips tasted sweet. Not like candy sweet but like desire sweet. Like she was desperate to please me, to want me.

"Woah," I said when she let go of my face and my lips. I stared out for a bit while she panicked and rambled. This was the first time I felt good in days. Being dumped on my wedding day was a sting that was not going to go away easily if ever but right then and there I wanted to and she made it.

"Come on," I said as I grabbed her hand.

"Let's go,"

I don't know why I did it; why I ultimately agreed to "play" with Rick and Catherine.

This isn't who I am, or is it?

Though I initially feigned disgust when Rick mentioned me joining him and Catherine for sex, there was a part of me that was genuinely intrigued, and genuinely aroused, by the proposal. I'd like to think I simply had one too many glasses of wine or Catherine's kiss that started me down this path but, in reality, I think I just stopped giving a shit about everything. She made me feel good and I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be brave. What Catherine said stuck with me. I was afraid and I wasn't living. I needed to stop, stop being afraid and terrified.

Just feel, exist. Just live.

At some point, Catherine and I made it up to her and Rick's bedroom. When we entered the room, Rick was on the bed watching the game but he quickly turned that off when we got into the room. As I fell onto the bed, everything hit me as my clothes flew off the clothes.

I was both nervous and excited as I lay there waiting for the fun to begin. It was like the feeling of being on a roller coaster for the first time; going slowly uphill and watching your cart creep towards the apex of a huge drop. The smell of lavender from their scented candles was in the air and I could hear classical guitar music lightly playing in the background.

All my other thoughts; my failed wedding, the betrayals in my life, my anger, my humiliation, all of it suddenly drifted away as the lights went out.

Suddenly, I felt what must have been Rick's hand on my arm, above my head. As it slowly moved down my side, I arched my back, ever so slightly, to give him access. Reading my body, he promptly slipped his hand under my back and unfastened my bra. Almost as soon as it was removed, I felt Rick's other hand reach over and firmly cup my left breast as the warm wet feeling of his suckling lips enveloped my right nipple. As his teeth began to lightly graze my nipple and his groping intensified, my breaths became heavier and I felt a rush of euphoria surge towards my loins.

Now all I knew were the touch of Rick's hand and lips on my breasts and the intense feelings his touch generated inside of me. As I let out some light moans, I began to reflexively move my hips in synch with my breaths.

Catherine must have taken my movements as her cue. Suddenly, I felt her soft delicate hands on my shins. Her hands moved up my legs and to my hips where her petite fingers wrapped around the sides of my panties. As my hips lifted off the sheets, I felt her slip my panties down to my ankles. When she finally pulled my panties over my feet, I opened up my legs; inviting her to attend to my moist excited pussy. I had gotten a full Brazilian wax only days earlier, in anticipation of my wedding night. The process was mildly painful but the smooth feeling of my hairless pussy made me more sensitive to touch and in a constant state of arousal. Thankfully, it now would not be for naught.

By now I was very relaxed as Rick continued to play with my breasts and nibble on my hard sensitive nipples. I could sense Catherine moving back up between my legs and I lightly tensed in anticipation of her touching me. I heard a slight giggle before, finally, she firmly planted her lips on my smooth pussy; her tongue moving expertly around up my vagina and around my clit.

"Oh yes," I let out as I exhaled; the slight tension from the anticipation suddenly released. "Oh God, yes!"

After a few minutes, Rick's lips moved up my breast and to my neck. The feeling of his lips and tongue moving across my skin sent another surge of energy down my body. Steadily, his lips made their way to mine.

My God he was such a good kisser! He knew just how much pressure to apply to my lips to be a tease and used just enough tongue as he slipped it into my mouth to wrestle my own. I found myself reflexively trying to pull my arms down to get ahold of Rick but the restraints kept them in place above my head. My clear inability to physically control the situation made me feel both helpless and euphoric. I felt safe with Rick and Catherine, no doubt, and there was something about giving them seemingly complete control over my body that raised my arousal to a level I had never before experienced.

I felt Catherine lean her face back into my pussy, her tongue playing around my clit again. This time, however, her hand rode up my thigh and, gently, she teased the edges of my pussy before slipping two fingers into me.

"Oh my God, yes!" I exclaimed, voice slightly muffled by the large cock in my mouth, as her fingers slid inside me.

Catherine slid her fingers in and out of my pussy a few times before curling them upwards in a clear play for my g-spot. As she pull her hand back slightly, her fingers readily fell into place.

I quickly turned my head away from Rick's cock and blurted out, "Mmmm, oh yes, right there! Right there!"

Hearing my confirmation, Catherine kept her fingers in place and began using a tapping motion on my g-spot while now applying a little more pressure on my clit as she repeatedly rubbed her tongue across it. With each tap and lick, I felt myself getting closer to pure ecstasy! Rick's hand was firmly behind my head now as he gradually introduced more of his enormous cock into my mouth. His moans of pleasure were getting louder and I could feel his cock throbbing as it slid across my lips.

I took in a few shallow breathes as sweat began to run down my brow. "Oh God Catherine! Oh my God, Catherine!"

Turning my head back to Rick, I reached my mouth out for his cock, once again, and he complicity placed it back between my lips. I wasn't holding back any longer. I was going to make him feel just as good as I felt. I sucked his cock as if I couldn't get enough of it; concentrating my tongue on the nerves just below the bottom of his tip. His panting and moans of pleasure drove me to suck even faster. He was so close! I couldn't believe how turned on I was! Catherine was still between my legs working her magic and I could feel myself coming closer to climax yet again as Rick suddenly tensed; his moaning and grunting coming to a halt for a split second before releasing a primal scream.

"Yes, yes yes!" I screamed.

We kept going until the early morning hours. Eventually we wore each other out and they fell asleep around me. I was smooched between the two in a protective sandwich of people who cared about me. One I knew for years, one I knew for a night.

How did this happen? How did? Did I think? Maybe that's what it was?

Maybe I thought too much all the time and maybe this time for once, I just went with the flow. It felt nice to do that: to have control of my own life and do what I wanted, unafraid and uncaring of fitting a certain mold. It felt...good.

It was the first time in a long time that I felt safe and secure in both body and mind. Like I had done something both positive as well as exciting.

A threesome again...eh...not so much. Dating again, yes definitely.

And as for men and marriage, well maybe next time, I'll just marry the guy instead of bringing him back to Florida. Maybe Rick and Catherine had it right with eloping and not sending out announcements. It wasn't anyone's business except for the people involved.

But the night was over and the sun was beginning to rise in the east and shine through the windows.

I slid out of bed and grabbed my clothes from the floor and snuck into the power room downstairs. As I put on my clothes, I looked at my face and hair. Both messes but instead of pulling myself down, I smiled.

I was going to be ok in Jacksonville. I would protect myself and there were people around who wanted to keep me safe and remind me of my own abilities.

Before I left I saw the white board on the kitchen. I looked upstairs to where my friends were sleeping and wrote them a note on the board before quietly leaving outside the front.

Thanks for a great wedding present. Catherine, you were right about Rick. He's not your typical Texan at all. Rick, you're a nice guy and defy all of my stereotypes and preconceived notions. Thanks for keeping me safe and for giving me comfort and for teaching me that nothing is guaranteed except for the here and now. Thanks-Judith.