All Comments on 'Don't Get Mad'

I trudged through this, but you really lost me with the foot long dick. It's such a cliche and shows a certain laziness. People cheat for a myriad of reasons and cock size and pussy tightness rank low on the list. Actually the only screaming most women would do in the presence of a 12 incher would be to tell the guy there was no way.

The rest of the story was rather dull, disjointed, and all too predictable.

Two stars because I'm feeling generous.

the wife managed to fuck him over and she comes out on top..............2**

Enjoyed the story. Hope you have more contributions in this category.

it would seem so...

there is this huge build up of Outrage . that is very well developed by this author A serious injustice being done on 2 good people. Yet after 3 pages of this .. the story ends in 1 paragraph an the whole thing is over ?

where is the pay back ?

SECOND when Jennifer calls .. he already has full knowledge of what she is doing.. so WHY be Nice to her on the phone?

THIRD how does MIKE evict her from her own Home?

Terrible ending. I think you got tired of writing. Or just gave up and wanted to quickly end this one. Too bad. It could have been a complete story if you really tried. 3 only for the buildup.

statements, jokes, and fantasy. At times it was very good, and at times it made little sense. This writer can write, but he needs to focus on what he is trying to convey and then read over his work a few times to maintain a flow to the story. This was a little jerky. It went, fast, slow, and in-between. He will get better, fast.

I agree with HD as far as him being clueless. Love faithfulness and loyalty will do that. I disagree she cam out on top. Sure she dumped him, married mike then dumped him and so on but she has nothing but a stretched out cunt and children by different men. She respects nothing and no one and therefore will live out her life frustrated and lonely because she will never have the ultimate cock . He on the other hand has a loving sexy faithful wife and family. To me he came out on top.

Chap2 might include the 0.1 page shortchanged in Ch1! Might! We don't know who HAS (or is making) money and who is NOT. Except for the one video (which makes little or no difference in a 'No Fault' state, and may be inadmissible), there are no real grounds presented which would lead to a hotly contested, punitive divorce! Our Hero Hubby managed to avoid the several nasty traps planted in his path, thanks to good advice.

and then you rushed it. Loved the banter... but the rushed ending hurt it terribly. Thanks for your efforts.

Along the way, I thought that it was some sort of set up for the threesome to catch him on the wrong side of the divorce. But throughout and even at the end it was all routine.

Wow. I checked your other stories wjile "favoriting" you. You take a pretty big break between stories. This was entertaining, but seemed to have a beginning and an end with the middle left out. Just a thought.

You rushed the end. Good plot development though. Gave you a 4. This deserves a rewrite for the ending.

You were smoking until the last four paragraphs. What the hell happen in the divorce. That's what the big build-up should have been about.

Half the time I didn't know who the hell was supposed to be speaking, and the ending was rushed, what happened? get bored with your own story? You mixed up the he's, she's, his and hers a lot. Get an EDITOR! 1*

A lot of build up and then the end sort of fizzles out instead of an Earth shattering kaboom.

So disappointing.

Did you get bored with the story and just want to be done writing it ?

What more do readers want? They won the rights to a good life, game, set, match.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

(I should change to "not anonymous")

that deserves a 4* rating from me. I'm beginning to enjoy more "the cheating wife then the husband finds out" plots, even more than the "hotwife" plots. This one surely scratched my itch.

I must agree with others. First get a good editor. Many places the words just didn't fit and once a period in the wrong place. That slows down a reader who has to figure out what is really being said. Then, second, as one said, one had difficulty with who was saying what, having to go back and figure it out, since dialogue kept switching from one speaker to another.

Then there is the time line. This is a LOT of action to happen, starting at 11:30 p.m. until the final love making session.

Finally, the ending was sort of a let down. We wanted details of the divorce. Who got screwed the worse? Yes, it was messy, but those things would have been a better ending. Were the quadruplets really Bob's? Certainly hope so, but you didn't say. And I certainly line up with the BTB crowd on what happened to Jennifer and Mike. He deserved what he got, and I see her as a desperate used slut going from man to man and never getting fulfillment.

I wanted to know what happened with the divorce. Since it was the nastiest, most hateful divorces granted in the county what was the outcome? I was all hyped up to read about but was disappointed. But the story wasn't that bad.

One of the better LW stories I've read. I thought the ending was fine. The foot-long cock threw me at first, but then, this is Lit. I liked the plot and character development. Sure, there were a few mechanical errors, but I've seen much worse. The main point is that the story held my interest all the way through. Many thanks for not making this a burn the bitch or burn the bastard story.

leading nowhere.

I liked his timidity and reluctance at the start, but it all went away so fast it was a bit disconcerting.

And for being a woman he did not like very well he sure changed his tune and jumped on the road to happily ever after.

but 1st you must scuttle the oldies, TK U MLJ LV NV

Just plain awful.

Perhaps the worst ending I've ever read. A 'fair' buildup that was given a three paragraph finish?

What happened in the final three paragraphs should have been three more chapters.

You have a lot of work ahead of you in learning to write, Grasshopper.

Overall an interesting story, but...

- The whole "drive to Reno and file first" thing doesn't work. Nevada requires a 6 week residence. A paralegal would know to check that, and would use that 2x4 to fuck her about-to-be ex and his paramour over.

- The "cleaned out the house, locked her out, etc." - again, doesn't work. She'd have a legal beagle fucking her hubbie over, again, over that stuff. And... couldn't list the house for sale without her signature on the contract.

"She could care less" means she could care less than she does, she still cares.

it should be "she couldn't care less" ... dumb yanks

Stupid I must be because I certainly did like and enjoy pakled's story. Of course I was reading for the entertainment value, not to pick it apart. Pakled put the story out there for us to read. He wrote what he determined to be his story and if he thought it to be a good effort, that's all I need to agree. AAMOF, my feeling is that the naysayers wouldn't know a good story if they tripped over one.

even worse is a good as care-less. TK U MLJ LV NV

makes no sense.

great.

I really liked this one! Lively,keeping my interest throughout,it offered some interesting viewpoints on marriage and the personalities of a few involved. Certainly worth the read,I rate it a 5!

how did the cheaters come out in the divorces? Jennifer doesn't seem to have suffered in the least. Couldn't she have at least come down with some kind of near terminal form of crotch cancer?

any guy who wants to "fuck her brains out" instead of blowing her brains out after watching what he did, is mentally disturbed.

Story needs more detail especially the ending. You wrapped it up way to fast. Especially the divorce part and outcome. Plus an epilogue would be nice. 😎Until

Disappointed in the ending ,it made it a nothing story.After the way Rachel and Bob were treated some form of revenge would have gone some way towards making it a better story.

Rushed the ending a little. Pretty good up until then. People as nasty as Jennifer and Mike deserve a little retribution.

There was no details . The "nastiest, most hateful divorces granted in the county"? Which divorce? Jennifer and Bob or Mike and Rachel? And from a legal point of view, Mike can't change the locks and throw Rachel out. It's just flat illegal. But without the details of their divorces, the story was a waste.

WHY TO QUICK AN. ENDING. To many lose ends. Need a detailed epilogue or chapter detailing the divorce and aftermath. Whose was the father of the quads?, as an example. Did Rach get her stuff back, plus much more. Good story but was to rushed at the end.

Would have been 5 if you had taken more time over the ending. Mike and the slut should have been penniless after the divorce. He should have been charged with locking his wife out and stealing her possessions. Lots more could have been included to make this a 5 star story. However, it was well written - I hope you do a rewrite with a complete ending.

the point of a bitch burn is to enjoy the burn

not condense months worth of the bitches pain to three fing sentences

Learn to write a decent ending. Total waste of a read.

The story is here but the author has no page or any other stories that I know of. I enjoyed the story even though it was a little light on detail. I guess you just have to take what you can get.

No revenge here. Husband has the proof, he files for a divorce and sends her off with next to nothing. Carrying, delivering and raising 4 kids is a horribly difficult job and that's if all 4 kids are okay and not born with birth defects. So I'm thinking she got no revenge and her ex-husband was celebrating the day the divorce was final. Dumb story

Good story, but way too rushed an ending. You glossed over the divorce, which should have been the epic piece of the story

A well-written tale with a lot of extraordinary cultural references and tongue-in-cheekiness thrown in the leaven the loaf. The ending needed a separate chapter or at least a couple of detailed pages.

Wimpy husband and back stabbing bitch.

No story here what's so ever, papered over most everything the writer mentioned.