All Comments on 'Don't Poke The Sleeping Bear'

That's darker than I thought it would be.

First I thought there was a lot of stuff that wasn't needed. Second, having a cold blooded killer as the protagonist is BS.

As usual. What a putrid pile of garbage. What's wrong, nobody around to think of ideas for you to write this time? Couldn't think of any Russian or Chinese or black stereotypes?

This is the guy everyone thinks is so great? Wow, talk about some sick shit. This is it.

And the murder.

Dont listen to the cucks they just wanted you to write a story where the husbands licks his wifes pussy full of other guys cum, so they can fantacize they they were gay and eating it for her haha keep up the great work 5*

killing the pregnant wife is a bit much, but the man is mentally unstable. glen was a real piece of work and got what was coming to him.

fucking with another mans wife can be dangerous.

don't rattle the chain if you don't want to face the dog.

She IS the mother of his daughters and assuming she only recently started up with this extra crap maybe she deserves a few mercy points... then again rather then confess to her husband, beg for mercy and offer to put the newborn up for adoption she tried to pass it off as his. Also for a good portion of their marriage she seemed to be the head(or thought herself to be the head) of the family and always looked after her "guests" first, so she probably never really cared all that much for him as much as she should have from the get go.

The baby in her didn't harm him in anyway so why should it suffer? As for the wife divorce or death would be fine, so long as it was just her... but I guess that's why he's psychotic.

Glen got what was coming to him though.

It’s very very disturbing, true. But I had no idea where it was going, until the last 10 or so paragraphs. Took me totally by surprise. “What the hell does this stuff about a psychotic youth have to do with anything?” “Oh shit! That’s sick.” “I did not see that one coming.”

That’s one sick relationship Marissa had with Rick and Linda over the last 20 years. I mean she was subservient to them even then. And Glen didn’t realize it. Just put up with his wife’s little idiosyncrasies. Makes me wonder if there had been a sexual relationship throughout their marriage. Obviously there was a “social” subservience.

Wow! Disturbing, yes. But brilliantly executed (no pun intended).

Now, if you like it because of the revenge aspect? Well, yeah, extreme, but I kinda (realizing I truely am somewhat sick in the head) liked it. The question is did Marissa like and invite it, or was she reverting back to the submissive form of her and Rick’s relationship with Rick taking advantage of his knowledge of her personality, or had it been going on all this time and Glen just now finding out about it. If it’s 1 or 3, she’s toast. Their entire 20 year relationship was a lie.

If we were able to “hear” the recording(s) we could suss out what that relationship was. We just have to rely upon Rick and just how sick he is, for the degree of his revenge.

So is this story and so is this typist. I can't call him a writer. Twisted fucker, yes, writer, no. This should be banned from the site.

Dude, did not know where you were going with this until the end! Nice! Some of those twists you put in just made it better! Just because a story can have a dark ending does not mean that the person writing it is dark! LOL!

Hope you keep up the good work and write more! Love your stories!

Cheaters deserve death or other permanent penalties (dismemberment, castration, blinding, etc) - no mercy at all for those who cheat.

5/5

Just a story. Took some turns in odd directions. Hitchcock would have liked it. Consider it as a character study, kind of like all the "Halloween" movies.

Thanks for sharing.

I have to say: this is one of @JimBob44 best stories...Of course is violent, but without this pace, this story was nothing...This is a very dark story, one of those dark stories where the monster is sleeping until in a fateful day someone wake him up...and everyone dies...4*

Way too dark.

Wow, talk about channeling Edgar Allen Poe. Delicious bit of revenge. Touché. Thanks *****

Killing women and unborn children is an ugly task but sometimes it is required in Literotica! This shows us that the spell checking JimBob understands Cajun shit and that men have to play God when God is too busy with other shit to handle everything.

I hope JimBob and his spell checker aren't in the chain story because he will kill off the characters and then the next writer will have no one left alive to work with!

Full marks from me! 5 *s!

aMerryman

. . . I liked the way you ended it as a flash. We know that the wife is about to commit suicide, but you left it to the reader to imagine it himself. Unlike some other commenters, I don’t think a chapter two is needed.

As others have noted, this was a Poe-etic ending.

Finally, after all this time, we get a plausible explanation as to why a husband would commit mass murder in such a cold and calculated fashion. We finally have a realistic scenario where murder could be seen as a justified reaction to infidelity, from the eyes of the protagonist. We finally understand why a man would view his wife as just another piece of his property.

He’s a real, actual, genuine, psychopath.

Now it all makes sense! The only part that doesn’t make sense is how he would also get away with murdering his pregnant wife. How could he possibly make it look like a suicide? Ah, well. Not important. Not the point of this story.

I appreciated this above your other stories. Thank you.

the wife part two...........he could get away with it, because once she found out her lover and childs father killed himself(wink) she couldn't live with out him....

Fascinating. Kind of reminds me of the Jim Croce song. Or, as another author noted, consequences are a bitch.

Ricks' phobia comes across quite clearly, but how did he make it all the way to a grown up family (even with pills), his wife is directionally dysfunctional and although obviously maternal has a mental lift that doesn't quite go to the top floor - so how could Rick not have offed her before now?

Sorry only four pointy things - you were very close and the premise was interesting!

Thanks for the read.

Liked the story even if it did take a mobieus turn somewhere in the mid.

couldn't see the point surly they will want to know where the pills came from and jimbob44 will get the electric chair lol crap story

JimBob it doesn't matter what you write someone is going to slam you. They either don't like your Cajun dialect, you were to cruel to the wife, subject matter was bad, you didn't use an editor and now "It is just to dark". I feel you scored a home run with this. I missed the Cajun but you made up for it with imagination. You keep writing them and I will keep reading them.

this excellent dark story.

YOUR A PIMP!!!

#5

Not sure if I'd kill the wife on this one; well, not at first.

I'd tell her about the vasectomy; let her draw conclusion and possible choice of abortion etc.

Some people might ask how one could be so cruel? Well, any way you look at it the sin of cheating/adultery eventually leads to some form of death (or, a payment of sorts) whether it's the death of a marriage (which even with reconciliation, the old marriage is dead and, usually it has devolved into a farce). But, either way it's a story but, brings to mind how many people out there have a psychotic rage boiling just below the surface. It's a reason why certain lettered agencies continue to look for and train people of a certain "mindset"; might as well put them to good use for a potential just cause...

Although, thinking about this JimBob or someone else could do a twist and, have the one daughter (with psychotic tendencies); defend her family/home life and suicide the family 'friend". Heck, even if she were caught with being underage, mental instability; only serve sometime in a mental institution and placed on meds like dear old dad. - Just a thought; I'm not much of a writer, just come up with an idea every once in awhile.

Always interesting to read something from JimBob. I gave this one 4*; you know have to have some issues with psychotic episodes...lol

Would still like to see the wife taken care of.

But because it wasn't consistent. There was no explanation for the affair, no reason to believe that she would cheat on her husband and no mention of the daughters equally psychotic outbursts in previous conversations, simply disdain for the man who helped him look after Linda.

That means this was not an organic story, one that flows and progresses naturally but one you forced together. You wanted a story about killing a man and a cheating wife so you cobbled together the story from the ending. Thanks but no thanks.

I’m curious. In your worldview, is OJ Simpson a heroic figure?

If not, why not?

If so, well...that pretty much sums you up, doesn’t it?

Do I LIKE these people? Hell no, of course not. But it's still a terrific story, gripping and intense and very dark. Well done!

Thanks, ohio

Read like Glen was perving on Rick's daughters and would soon be trying to seduce them.

If Rick were as terrible as some think, he would have clued his daughter, who had exhibited his proclivities, in on what was going on and let her take care of Glen. Having her beat Glen to death with bat when she caught him with her mom!

Just asking.

I have to admit I scanned thought this the first time. I went back and re-read the story. I found I liked what you did with it. I can't say I am a fan of fire and brimstone. I did however, come away wondering how Marissa was going to get hers.

What make it ok for you to associate - at least by inference - anyone that may enjoy a well-crafted Poe-esque and rather macabre story with syncophantic followers of murder-porn? We may not all "get off" sexually by seeing others die; as you seem to imply by the nature of your question. We may just appreciate the cleverness of the author's way with words - and the new perspective from which to examine yet again the oldest of human questions about how our ideals of relationships reflect against a more gritty reality.

Naah - on second thought, just lumping us all into some category of sickos or other is much more intellectually vigorous. Just ignore me.

never fuck with the bear

ever

This was very dark and should really be on a crime story site.

Not going to rate it.

Short, sweet and to the point. Some good old fashioned, meaty dark justice.

And as for "Question for the Murderporn Groupies". Have you ever heard of FICTION? This is of a style well established by classic short stories. Why don't you try reading something old, that doesn't come in Marvel or DC. This is a hell of a lot less sick than the cuck shit you seem to like.

5*

I like where this was going but it fell nust short. I still liked it.

There is nothing wrong with a “dark” story where an amoral murderer is portrayed. It’s the pom-pom waving by the Murderporn groupies that disturbs me. More than one reader has requested an extra chapter, just so they can read the gory details of the wife’s murder.

Imagine a fictional story that perfectly mirrors OJ’s real-life story. Those of us with some semblance of a moral compass would enjoy a “dark” tale about a jealous psychopath’s double murder — and we would cheer when he gets his comeuppance.

Here in LW, it seems like it’s the opposite. Readers cheer when the psychopathic double-murderer gets away with it. The BTB crowd is basically OJ’s jury and everyone else who cheered his acquittal.

Kills glen then his cheating wife.marrisa . A very dark story.

Come on Rick, let Merissa live, just make her abort the bastard's fetus, that will be pain enough.

You were right about suing for larceny. Little chance there. But I don't think he gets away with killing Glen for 2 seconds. Too much evidence that leads to him. This really was a cold blooded story. Just not what I'm looking for in this section on this site.

Thanks great story, murder for revenge and/or jealousy is as old as Cain and Able

Sorry, usually like your stories, and the title was great - but too many names that jumped around and it really never seemed to interest me. And I realize many people believe doctors are cheating slimeballs, but they really aren't and no doctor would do that for about 100 reasons. Just not believable.

Typically good JB story. The only thing that tipped off the ending for me was the emphasis on Rick being an accountant. Every LW knows that accountants are the most dangerous protagonists to piss off. Glen was doomed from the jump. I wouldn't murder Marissa,or force an abortion. Make her give up the baby for adoption, tell her what happened to Glen, let her spend the rest of her life making it right. Waiting for the next one.

if the time is right/ TK U MLJ LV NV

"Again, Glen found that just a little odd." - What's odd, that they served a guest first? That's pretty normal, unless he's so much "family" that to treat him as a guest is odd?

From Rick's statements later, I guess Marissa was serving Glen first because he was her lover, but again, serving guests first is normal, so I don't understand why Glen questioned it.

POV shifts were confusing.

When Marissa left Rick to go off with Linda and Glen, there was a THIRD person who grabbed her ass. Who was he?

And if Marissa was so tied in with Glen and Linda, why didn't Rick just cut her loose way back when?

I didn't find enjoyment from this empty and dark tale.

Writing wasn't bad and I liked the different points of view.

Marissa had to have been one fucked up bitch to be so cold about betraying her husband and going on like nothing was different.

I would say she was at least as unhinged as her husband.

I don't know what it is, but around the time whoever got drunk and was being driven home, I was sobbing. In some cultures, it would be called wailing. They were bitter tears, like having a splinter stuck in your eye then getting maced. I think some part of the story never made it to paper. That is to say, the flow was off...like a hose that a mouse crawled up in and died.

I hope you think an editor is more than spellcheck and grammarcheck. Look at all the free stuff you get by having an editor:

Just change everything a bit.

No, this part still needs to be fixed.

Still not right.

Look, there's a continuity error, you can see the boom operator in the mirror.

Camera A's reel is slow; its losing sync by a frame every three minutes.

The font is wrong. Its not anti-aliased enough. No, that other font requires a license.

Rewrite it...

You didn't remove my comments from the final draft.

The story elements from what I could tell certainly are a bit different....calamity guy gets shafted again, from what I see just above the comment box. I don't know why you had to kick the bastard when he was down, but I'm not really saying anything much about it. Unless there's a reason fate shit on this guys wife and his choices, such a deviation from the recipe makes the story somewhat anticlimactic. Maybe the point is that after bear guy helped, he got poked by full cab truck guy. Well, that's a dumbass thing to do, right below ad-hoc amateur lion taming at the zoo. I don't find that particularly amusing. Who would do such a thing? The disbelief overwhelms the plot. Oh yeah, that sentence after the cab sentence was confusing. I probably missed something by not reading it all. Everything I said was a lie. Have a nice day.

Keep your stories coming. If I could write, I might be able to criticize but I can't so I just sit back and enjoy. Thanks JimBob44.

Thank you!

It would have been better if the Marissa confessed it wasn't Glenn who knocked her up, but died before she could say who did it.

As I was reading, the transition from third person to first person seemed out of place to me. But by the end, it made sense to me and it worked. 5 stars

Been waiting for something with some teeth to it. Dont care about the editing or the spelling or WTF else. I liked it, and it definitely got 5 stars.

Okay, I didn’t see that coming. I always enjoy being caught looking in the wrong direction by a good writer. Only writing comment I would change was a heads up to your readers when you switched persons talking. Thanks.

WTF Dude??? Are you feeling suicidal or homicidal? OH...OH....I get it now.

Your tired, like me, of reading all these damn cuckold stories and decided to

stand up like a man who doesn't like to eat the cum out of his wife's sloppy

pussy after some dude has fucked her! Great story man. 4 stars!

That's the thing, with all those cheating stories: in every single one of them, the spouse always, ALWAYS, assumes there will be no dire consequence to their action.

They either think they won't be found out, that they could talk their way out of any repercussion, or, at worst, that they will simply lose their marriage, which, although sad, shouldn't be life threatening. Shouldn't be.

But, see: you don't know people. You assume, based solely on the experiences YOU HAD with someone, that you know exactly how this person would react to any action, positive or negative, you made toward them. But that's not always the case. Not at all.

That's what turned out to be the biggest problem in the Blanchard marriage: Maria has absolutely no idea who the fuck Rick is. She seemed to have never inquired, either with his family, friends or acquaintances, back in the day, what kind of kid he used to be. Because, believe you me, if she knew how he used to react about being crossed, she would NEVER have even entertain the idea to fuck around on me, let alone carrying the child of some other assholes (hell, if she heard about what happen to that dumbass, Chuck, there's a fairly good chance she wouldn't have married him in the first place!) Turns out her lack of curiosity, her obvious delusion in thinking she wore the pants in her marriage, and her lack of love and respect toward her husband, will sent her to an early grave. Goes to show, you never can tell (if you married an unforgiving psycho or not...)

Gotta like the small, yet very important, twist JimBob44 gave us here, by making us somehow care, at the start, for Glenn, because of the lost of his wife, (even though he was acting thoroughly like a perv), before revealing him to be a genuine asshole. Rick's voiceover pretty much made it clear his backstabbing rival wasn't going to walk away from this flash tale alive. Still, I was really surprise to hear Blanchard also is planning to dispatch of his wife very soon - it's one thing to explain away the suicide of a man who just lost his wife, but quite another to explain the one of a woman about to give birth. Even if Rick could sell that Maria was crazy upset about Gleen's departure, I doubt people would actually believe she loved him more than she loved her husband (that's the saddest thing about that woman: the fact she actually noticed her spouse's lack of affection toward her for quite a while, but she was too damn arrogant to realize that it was because he would of her betrayal. I actually believe she loved Rick... just not enough to remain true to him.)

Between you and me: I actually expect Rick to tell Glenn he has a plan which would cause Maria to 'accidentally' lose her baby (finding a way to force labor on a 43 years-old woman is probably way easier than most people think), and THEN make sure she ends up 'taking her life', with the pretense that she couldn't keep on going after the death of her latest child... sure is a longer game, but makes way more than two friends deciding to kill themselves in a one week interval - you add the whole pregnancy thing in this, and even the most clueless detective would raise an eyebrow at this.

Anyway - in the sick, twisted, disturbed logic of the JB44-verse, I have no complaint as to how this sad tale of betrayal turned out: Rick executed his righteous vengeance flawlessly, Glenn can burn in hell for all eternity, for all I care... kinda feel sorry for Maria, and even more for the innocent fetus she was carrying, but whatever - 'que sera. sera.' If you don't want your loved ones to turn on you in the most vicious or, as it is, in this case, fatal ways imaginable... don't cross them. One heck of a harsh lesson. If there's such a thing, hopefully they've learn it, so to not repeat it in their next life.

... Low-key, though - 'wouldn't mind reading a story as to how Rick actually managed to get away with Maria's murder, 'cause I seriously don't see how he could pull the 'suicide' plan again without getting caught.

@swingerjoe - tremendous false equivalence you threw at us here:

• Simpson was divorced from Nicole Brown when he murdered him.

• It's a known fact both of them cheated on each other while married, and that OJ beat her up his wife... once again, except for Maria's unfaithfulness at the end, nothing having to do with the Blanchard marriage.

• Finally, and this is probably the most important point here: while JJ44 gave us a fictional story, the Simpson murders are quite real. Don't tell me you're on those guys that believe that every story in LIT are based on true events, aren't you, swingerjoe?

Boy, how spectacularly boring would literature be if everyone had your sad-ass mentally - no Hannibal Lecter or Dexter Morgan to cheer on, 'cause anti-heroes are big no-no for snowflakes like you...

Grow a spine.

Are the ones that veer off in an unthinkable direction. And what does it say about me that I have thought about retaliating against men who slept with my ex-wife while we were married. So I waited until I went through another meaningless relationship and finally remarrying four years later. Then providence played a role. I caught him on a pitch black night as he stumbled out of a bar to climb into his beatup pickup truck. I picked up a board and beat him into an unconscious state and did serious damage to his scrotum. I took the board home and sanded it off and used it to help build a table for my wife. But good old ***** will never mess with another married woman.

When he told Glen that Marisa was next and soon, I think in Rick's weird way he was playing one last mind fuck to cause his sole to be lost forever.

As far as murder porn is concerned when we read these stories on here, killing one or two of the characters crosses all of our minds (some writers too).

I think the biggest problem is very few of the writers that think they are great never comment on some writers unless they want to beat them down. Maybe if more readers quit looking for spelling errors and enjoyed the story instead then more of the good writers would write and we wouldn't have to hear how a big even was coming up and the greats were going to start the back slapping. If you look up the stories on some of the greats pages you will find one thing in common, no Anon comments, Why?

Wicked.........

Read the damn story before commenting. He explains it at the end.

Who the fuck buys single malt scotch by the half gallon???

Okay, let’s say you did. A typical bottle is 700ml - 750ml. At $300 for a half gallon would mean about $110 - $115 for an average bottle. That’s very nice but not crazy. Not at all.

I like when cheaters get their just desserts. Because in fiction there are no repercussions. That's the beauty..

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole busted, betrayed!

First, don’t fuck crazy! Or fuck around on crazy for that matter.

Second, finding a doctor willing to stab another doctor in the back is as easy as the phone book. (They still have phone books, right?) Put four doctors in a room and you have three arguments and a vendetta!

Good, creepy flash story.

Crisp and to the point. Also, quite believable that the high-functioning, razor-focused (Asperger’s?), emotionally unhinged man would create and execute a fitting response to the ultimate betrayal. It’s perfect, and well written.

nice read, wished it was longer.

where he kills his wife

Read all the commente, pro and con, about this story. I still like it, for the surprise ending , and for the promise of more to come. One of Bob's best.

Yes, dark as hell, but so what ? Sometimes life has those moments.

And ultimately, a grim morality play. Not for the sociopath, who wasn't wired that way. For the soon-to-be-dead Glen, who should not have fucked with someone else. Because it's not moral. And because you never really know who you're fucking with.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Very very very good!!!

Loved it! Very good. You do not waste time with unnecessary rubbish or detail Short and to the point - BOOM - fuck you bitch I'm not stupid even though you think so! Serves her right! She woke the bear!

Only thing to have made it better wouldve been the confrontation with the cheating slut and some of her begging and lying

I liked it.

Well, I've read the story, been a good boy and given you five pointy stars, NOW can I please have you not only sell me Brooklyn Bridge, but also London Bridge at the same time, whilst all my critical faculties are in a non-thinking crisis!

There were plenty of gentle, veiled hints but I didn't connect them, which is a sign of a good plot and writing.

[Marissa looked up and smiled. It had been nearly three months since she'd heard her husband use his pet name for her.

With a nod, she abandoned me, because this thoughtless cretin had told her to.

I handed her my card and watched her sweet ass walk away. The nameless, faceless blob smirked at me and grabbed her ass, right in front of everyone in the lab.

"Really, Rissa Roo, I only had, um, two," Glen concurred, holding up three fingers.]

It was all there, just waiting but I just didn't catch it till Rick took Glen home. Yep, If you're going to tug on the tigers' tail, you better have a plan... Signed: BTW

It was just a bit hard to follow at first, but I really got into it. I just love the way Rick carried out the whole thing, it will be sad when his wife “kills herself”, but those are the breaks.

Just like the title, Rick is not smiling.

I would love to hear Marissa’s reaction to the news of the vasectomy.

Good story and I enjoyed

4 stars

Death may be too good for them

As much as I do not want Marissa and her unborn child to die, I know you can't expect sympathy from a psychopath. Dark, dark story but well written and compelling.

What happens to Vanessa. With her father intentionally allowing his psychopathic tendencies to control him, will he simply allow her inner beast to manifest itself without seeking help for her so she can learn how to control herself and try to live a normal life.

Rich people do.

And some do it as investments.

7.4-stars & Favorite

Again, still would like to see Rissa Roo's reaction when he confronts her.

Too stupid.

I started reading this story and had to think about a few things . In a way it reminds me of how i grew up . I was always the one picked on and could'nt figure out why until i was much older i don't think most people realize just how screwed up growing up can be . I had a few fights while i grew up but managed to control my anger . Needless to say i liked this story a lot . It was very well written and it kept my interest. I will read more of your stories. Thank you

That he was punishing Glen, and leaving Marissa off the hook. But then you informed us of her impending suicide. Tragic that......hahaha

He kills the wife and the bastard inside her; he's a psysho, the baby is innocent, and it's too 'dark'.

If she decides she doesn't want it, and kills it in a clinic; 'Oh, that's OK, it's her choice'.

Odd distinction.

He didn't kill her unborn baby......

Marissa did...with her 'suicide'......hahaha

One thing that stood out; "The two girls dutifully hugged the man. Marissa pursed her lips in disapproval but also hugged the family friend goodbye."

Jealousy perhaps? He was ogling and fondling the two girls all night. Marissa didn't like that. Suggests that she was more than just the innocent wife seduced into bed. Clearly, it was a more than a one time thing. She was already pregnant before Rick caught them, "I could see the signs," Rick said as he knotted the length of rope to one of the spindles of the stairwell. "She looked like that when she was pregnant with Vanessa and Denise. Then when the morning sickness started? Well, old buddy old pal, man that I helped when his wife was too sick to even wipe her own ass? I left a voice recorder on my nightstand"

Clearly she put Glen ahead of her husband, always serving him first. Always seating him at the opposite end of the table to herself was a clear statement. Both ends of a table are considered the "Head of the table", that's why the people that are considered most important, equals, are customarily seated opposite each other.

Both had it coming.

Great story. Dark, even by the Bear's standards. 5 stars. The story makes me shiver. The Bear approves. I'll check out some of your other stories.

The BEAR

Five stars .

AWESOME story!!! 5 Stars!!! Love the Rick character.