All Comments on 'Double Helix Ch. 01'

This is a very well done story so far. I like the use of genetic science in a way that is not really that far-fetched. And the structure and grammar are very good as well. I can see the characters as real people and the police state described here seems very possible.

Great Start to the story

Excellent!

Love the dystopia-America and the fact that Elvis is still alive.

Really just fantastic. I genuinely can't wait for the next chapter.

Best start of a long story I read in a long time! Really hoping that you can keep it up and can't wait for the next chapter! Exelent start!

Thom

Near at the beginning you wrote that the food distribution costs trillion dollars, while it makes sense if you include the later explanation of the Rot, at that moment it creates disbelief, since in the current age such a thing wouldn't remotely cost that much. A few billion dollar maybe, according to my calculations. Maybe be less specific or paraphrase it.

Take the population of the United States, about 300 million. Now buy food for each person for one year. That's 109,500,000,000 food-days, 109.5 billion. Now increase the price of food, so that it costs about $10 per day, on average, to keep each person fed. That's 1 trillion dollars.

I looked at the size of some entitlement programs as a guide on that figure as well. Yes, it's about 6% of our entire, current economy, but I don't think unrealistic.

I have never read any Tolkein. There is no such author. The one you are thinking of is spelt TOLKIEN. Otherwise, good story. Thanks, M.

You're right, but it looks so wrong. Tolkien. Tolkien. Agh, it even feels wrong to type. :)

Great work man!very good flowing story.i like the fact that theres no blatant in your face sexuality...Keep up the good work

So now that I've read this great start, I've got two fears. First, that the story isn't going to be finished, like so many here at Literotica. Second, that the story will have an end, but it'll be a sad one.

I'm crossing my fingers.

Great start. It flows very nicely. I love the concept and the bread crumbs you leave for future chapters.

You have a gift for slowly fleshing out characters that leaves the reader wanting more. That can be a clumsy section in the story development for some writers. Either they try to force feed it to the reader by simply stating the development or they skip over it leaving the reader with a lack of empathy with the characters. I like your approach of development through dialogue. It flows the best.