All Comments on 'Doug Ellis Ch. 01'

so what did doug ellis have to do with any of this? I would have introduced the character after when he became a part of the story. i think it came off like it was inconsequential info at the point it was introduced. It was random in the end. You bring up the guy but end up going onto the other story. Maybe even saying that he went back to his cell and then saying 'Meanwhile, Gregory and Bantock ....' At least by saying 'meanwhile' it implies you're coming back to that character after the event taking place at this point. The way it was written it just seemed like the stuff said about the character just hung there incomplete. I just think simply transitioning better would help.