All Comments on 'Dragon Heart Ch. 01'

Some of your sentences are an entire paragraph long! - makes it difficult to read.

It almost seems like the "paragraphs" themselves are just sentances, or some are fragments and not sentances at all. but other than that, great story, can't wait to read chapter 2.

Liked the context of your story and what descriptions you wrote but it felt like certain scenes were over to quickly despite how long you stated them being. Giving the reader time increments tends to make them feel like they are missing out on whats happening in the scene. Imagine every time you state a certain amount of time has passed the reader's vision of what is happening cuts to a black screen that states "Ten minutes later" before fading back into the scene already in progress.

Secondly, you can never have too much erotic description. Inserting tab A into slot B is well and good, but what are the mages breasts doing while she is being pounded? Are they just merely jiggling or bouncing madly on her chest? Is her skin flushed with her arousal or pale with fear? Is she anticipating her lovers climax? Is she afraid of being impregnated? How about her lovers breathing? Is it labored or gentle? Does she feel ashamed that she is being bred by a demi human? Does it secretly turn her on?

Anon 1-2: I'm working on my sentences, slowly but hopefully surely! And if all else fails I'll just get an editor until I can do it myself.

Anon 3: Thank you for your feedback! I'll try to keep those things in mind if I write another story c:

Ehh? Surprise ending