All Comments on 'Dream Girl'

I must be honest, I didn't make it past the second paragraph. If you are going to have that many misspelled words and bad transitions/background info in the beginning, why should I waste my time to read the rest of it?

Learn how to write, and how to spell. Next time, save everyone the trouble and don't submit anything.

First, I want to admonish the people who critisize the mispelling in any sex storie. One has to realize the human nature of excitement you get when reading or writing sex stories.

Second, You have wrote of a dear rememberence of my college days. I must admit out of stareing at a beauty, her resolve faded and we are still together,22yrs and many more I hope.

Thanx

...you really should consider a creative writing class, or at least basic grammar and spelling lessons. Great themes, but hard to read as written. Ho-hum, drab, sing-song, would describe your writing style. Please read some other stories and compare the style to yours - you'll see a world of difference! It's like you're stringing together a bunch of statements. Good luck with the classes!

Like the others say, the idea was good. I'd encourage you to develop the story more, give more detail, "show, don't tell!" as my creative writing professor would say. Also, the dialogue you use sounds like they are in fifth grade asking each other out. Pay attention to subtlties in languages rather than saying it straight out. Honestly, the story was way too choppy and wasn't worth the time it took to read it.

Ho hum, another story about the man with the 8 inch cock and the great body who fucks the girl with the great tits. Also, use spell check, don't be lazy.

just like every other story