All Comments on 'Dungeon Scene at a Fetish Con'

The action and descriptions are good. You have two major distractions. Second person pov is annoying. Making a public hotel ball room the location for all that simultaneous explicit sexual activity begged belief. How many normals would wander in or call the police based only on the noises? Needed to include some explanation of privacy for the gathering.

It clearly states in the first paragraph that this is the main character's first Fetish Con. Most events of that nature are held in hotel ballrooms or convention centers, which are open to the public yet require tickets to gain entry. If a typical vanilla person were to pass by the ballroom where the event were being held, they may or may not hear some of what is going on, but I highly doubt that the doors will be standing wide open for them to see. Plus there would be event signage around any entrances to the ballroom to prevent unnecessary intervention from the local law enforcement if someone who was not participating in the convention were to call.