E-Beth Ch. 01

"I *know*, Stella," I groaned.

Stella giggled again and shook her head. "What's the holdup? It's not like you're a prude about sex, honey."

I picked my head out of my hands and reclined back, sagging deeper into my desk chair. Exhaling, I then propped my right elbow on the armrest and planted the side of my head against the open palm. "I don't know. I still... I mean... I *told* myself I wouldn't get involved with this kind of guy again. I *promised* myself."

The pretty blonde's eyebrows scrunched together. She gave me a quizzical look and then chirped, "So why are you dating him then?"

"Because!" I blurted, before pausing to exhale slowly once again. "I like him."

"You like him because you enjoy his company? Or you like him because he's smokin' *hotttt*?"

I blushed and bit my lower lip. With a little twinkle in my eye, I shrugged. "A little of both."

"So again," Stella leaned forward with raised eyebrows. "What's the holdup?"

I shook my head, and looked at my monitor, which by now had blacked itself out to the screen saver. And in a haunted voice, I replied, "I'm scared."

I really was scared. Too many times I'd let my guard down and gotten burned for it. Too many times I'd let a guy into my life, into my *body*, and only later found out that he didn't respect me the way I deserved. I thought Grant might be different. Listening to his story of pain after getting cheated on, like me, made me feel like we were kindred souls. But I was scared to trust in someone again.

"I'm scared, Stella. And I'm not sure I'm ready for this. We're girls. Yeah, we get horny, but sometimes we need to feel that level of comfort and trust before spreading our legs, right? This isn't about me just getting laid. And no matter how nice a guy Grant is to me, I'm not going to sleep with him just because he made it through three dates with me. I want this. I really do. But..." I exhaled. "I just don't know..."

The two of us had gone quiet. I breathed in and out slowly, waiting for the inevitable pep talk from the peppy blonde about facing my fears and taking a chance and just "going" for it. After all, Stella was just a 23-year-old girl herself, enjoying her life to the max.

But to my surprise, the young blonde got out of her chair and walked around behind mine. And then with a gentle grace, she bent over and hugged me from behind, wrapping her arms around my neck and tilting the side of her head against mine. "Okay, honey. Take your time. Make sure you're ready."

I shivered, and then reached a hand up to touch Stella's wrist. There was nothing sexual about her embrace, just the comforting hug of a friend who cared about my well-being. I patted her arm, and leaned against her cheek, enjoying the friendly warmth. "Thanks."

****

*-- DECEMBER 2006 --*

"Ah, Elizabeth! Good to see you, my dear." Alfred, my boss, released his wife's hand and opened his arms to me.

With a little smile, I balanced forward in my three-inch heels and stepped into his embrace. It was the company's Holiday Party, and Alfred was looking smart in a dapper black suit. I hugged him briefly and then stepped back, brushing a speck of lint off his shoulder and then patting it. "Why Alfred, one would think you hadn't just seen me a couple of hours ago at work."

Alfred chortled and then stepped back. His wife immediately stepped up and we hugged each other as well. "How are you, Cindy?" I asked politely.

"I'm doing well, thank you," the genteel older woman smiled before stepping back and looking me up and down. "You look beautiful tonight, dear. I would never have thought you'd been in the labs today. Is that a new dress?"

I blushed, nodded affirmative, and smoothened out the fabric around my hips. The Holiday Party's dress code was officially semi-formal, and I'd stuck to it by wearing a floor length dress instead of something more cocktail-y. This one was a red wine-colored gown, with a ruffled bustline to both show a little cleavage and also keep my tits from being too obvious. This WAS a company event, after all, and I wanted to play it a bit conservative. And continuing my conversation, I smiled and admitted, "Actually, I left the labs early. It takes a lot of hours to get me all dolled up like this." My arms went up to gesture from my hair in updo curls all the way down to the floor.

The three of us made small talk as we went through the doors into the hotel ballroom where our party was being held. My eyes immediately began scanning the crowd, specifically looking either for Grant or one of the girls from my usual posse. And to my relief, Stella found me first.

"E-Beth! Hi!" Unlike me, the perky young blonde *was* wearing a cocktail-length dress, in dark green. Then again, she had both the youth and the legs for it. It wasn't that I was much older, but given the choice, I'd rather cover up calves that I thought could use some thinning out.

"Hi, Alfred. Hello, Cindy," Stella greeted politely. She stepped forward for the annual Holiday Party hugs and then stepped back. "Mind if I steal her?" she asked while holding onto my arm.

"Not at all," Alfred replied graciously. "Have a good evening, you young'uns."

Stella beamed and then dragged me away. As it turned out, she and Audrey had already staked out a table with eight chairs. And as we approached, I smiled and got ready to continue the greetings with the girls' respective significant others. First there was Jin, Audrey's husband. And then there was Chuck, Stella's boyfriend of the past six months. I shook hands with the guys and had a quick hug with Audrey. And then I settled into a chair, conspicuously aware that so far, everyone I'd met had a partner by their side.

"Where's Paula?" I asked. The fourth member of our group was also single, and at this moment I felt like having at least *one* other person around who was flying solo.

"I don't know," Stella replied. "Guess she's not here yet."

I nodded, and then thinking of Grant, I put my hands onto the armrests and pushed myself back up to a standing position. "Well, I think I'm going to go get a drink."

"Ooh, I'll go with you," Stella volunteered. But as she got up, she turned back to Chuck and asked, "Want anything, babe?"

Chuck and Jin had been chatting about basketball, and Chuck glanced up momentarily before reaching out to his plastic cup and shaking the ice in it. "Another one of these."

"Sure thing," Stella replied. And then she hooked her arm through mine as we turned and walked away from the table in the direction of the makeshift bar.

On the way, I continued scanning the room, looking for Grant. It wasn't easy, since almost every guy in attendance was wearing a black suit. And if Stella wasn't holding onto my arm, I think I might have smacked into somebody.

"Haven't seen him, either," my friend volunteered without me asking. "Of course, I haven't been up and about much."

I just nodded and kept scanning, ultimately in vain.

"I would've thought you'd have made plans to meet up before coming here," Stella asked just as we were approaching the bar. We got in line behind the other employees queuing up. Since it was an open bar, I was sure the bartenders would be busy for the next couple of hours.

I sighed and admitted, "We didn't. Actually, we haven't talked much all week."

"Been busy?"

"Partly," I nodded. "But... I dunno. We just haven't run into each other as much as we used to."

"Newsflash, honey. You two weren't accidentally bumping into each other. Grant kept seeking you out."

I blushed and smiled. But immediately the smile vanished beneath a sense of worry. "Then why would he stop?"

Stella frowned. "He hasn't stopped entirely, has he? When was the last time you saw him?"

"Yesterday. We were passing each other in the hall and we both stopped to chat for a minute before going on our ways."

"Hmm..." Stella frowned as she processed that. "He's not acting weird?"

I blinked. "No. Nothing I've noticed. Just... *less*, that's all. But like you said, we've both been kinda busy."

Stella shrugged and gave me a hopeful smile. Just then, we reached the front of the line and placed our orders. Stella went first and scooped up two plastic cups, a Vodka Cranberry for herself and a Seven & Seven for Chuck. I collected my usual Tanq & Tonic. And then I bent to take a quick sip before following my friend back to our table.

But we had just gotten moving when Stella came to a dead stop, abruptly enough that I bumped into her back and nearly spilled my drink all over her. I was about to yelp a complaint when I picked my eyes up, looked past her shoulder, and saw them.

A pretty bottle-blonde was seated about twenty feet in front of us. The slender beauty was wearing a cocktail dress, with spaghetti straps and a low-cut top that showed off her good-sized cleavage. She'd crossed her nicely shaped legs, which ended in strappy 4-inch stilettos. And of all things, the cocktail dress was the exact same red wine color as my own.

"That bitch," Stella growled beneath her breath.

I bit my lip and blanched. The bottle-blonde was Paula, our friend. Sitting beside her, with his hand on her knee, was my Grant. And from the way the two of them were leaning together, chuckling flirtatiously while he rubbed his hand on her knee, the two weren't having a completely innocent conversation.

Right then, Grant saw us. He picked his head up, and at the shift in the handsome man's attention, Paula turned her head around to glance at us as well. But rather than blanch in embarrassment or apology, the pretty girl simply flashed us a smile.

For his part, Grant met my eyes, a wistful expression on his face. And shaking his head slightly, he just shrugged out an apology and then returned his attention to the pretty blonde in front of him, once again rubbing her leg with intimate intent.

I turned and stomped away.

****

Grant made absolutely no effort to approach me for the rest of the night. If nothing else, that would've been enough to tell me he wasn't the kind of guy I'd thought he might be.

How could he? How could *she*? True, Paula and I weren't exactly close friends. We never hung out together outside of work, and even then we were really just lunch buddies with the occasional trip to Monahan's after a long day. But still, what kind of girl goes and poaches a friend's man?

Then again, maybe it wasn't Paula's fault. I knew, firsthand, that Grant could have quite the silver tongue. It was charming when he was using it to find little ways of complimenting me. But in retrospect, I wouldn't have put it past him to say something that would convince Paula she wasn't committing the heinous betrayal that *I* thought she was.

Or maybe she knew perfectly well she was stealing my man. If that was the case, I was ready to stalk over to their table and claw the fucking bitch's eyes out.

"Breathe, E-Beth..." Stella rubbed my arm soothingly. We were on a couch in the hallway just outside the hotel ballroom. I'd actually gone out to the patio first before finding it full of smokers, and then retreated inside, looking for a quiet corner where no one could see me.

Stella's admonishment reminded me that I *hadn't* taken a breath in a while, and while frowning at her I stopped and made a deep inhalation, feeling my body rejoicing as precious oxygen filled my lungs for the first time in over a minute. But soon after my hands clenched together again. And the next thing I knew, I was lowering my plastic cup back down into my lap. Somewhere along the line, I'd just about drained my cocktail.

"It's okay..." Stella rubbed my arm again, trying to placate me.

But I wasn't in the mood to be placated. And without quite looking at her, I held up my semi-empty cup and barked, "Get me another one. Two, actually."

"E-Beth-"

"Go!" I interrupted her harshly. And then my shoulders slumped and I turned to her with drooping eyes. "Please?"

Biting her lip, Stella nodded and then slowly stood up. She still had both hers and Chuck's drinks in her hand, and she first handed me her Vodka Cranberry before returning inside.

I started chugging the cocktail right away. And as the burn ripped its way down my throat, my analytical mind went to work.

Why are you mad? *Because I saw Grant hitting on Paula. And Paula was reciprocating the attention.*

Why did that bother you? *Because he's MY Grant.*

Is he? *Of course he is! We're dating. We're getting serious. Everyone in the company knows he's mine!*

So you're like, married, or something, right? *Well of course not.*

At least committed? *Well... ah... we never actually *talked* about commitments...*

So if he's not committed to you, is he really yours? *Uh, well... We were *getting* there!*

Were you? It seemed like you were getting close, but then you rejected him. *I didn't reject him! I just wasn't ready yet! He's supposed to wait for me! And in the meantime, he's still exclusively mine!*

Does he know that? *He fucking *should*! FUCK!*

'Should' is different from 'is'. *So? You don't go romancing one girl and then hit on another one right in front of her face! Not if you ever want to be with the first girl ever again!*

You're right. You don't. So I guess this means he doesn't want to be with you anymore. More to the point, he never *was* with you. You rejected him, remember? *But... but...*

He doesn't want to be with you, E-Beth. He'd rather go after Paula, now. *But he was *mine*...*

No he wasn't. He never was. You went on a couple of dates. You made out a few times. But you never talked about going steady. You never mentioned the words 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'. You just... went out. And apparently he doesn't want to go out anymore.

I had no mental response to that. I just put my head down and cried.

"E-Beth?"

Through bleary eyes, I picked my head up and then instantly wished I could crawl underneath a rock. Before me was Teddy, stockroom clerk extraordinaire, although tonight he was dressed in a pretty sharp charcoal suit with subtle pinstripes instead of his usual lab coat and jeans. And even though it was just Teddy, he was a guy, and no girl ever wants to look the way I did in front of a guy.

"You okay?" He reached down to me, but stopped short of actually touching me. "What's wrong? What happened?"

I didn't answer. My eyes fixed on the cup in Teddy's other hand; and without thinking about it, I reached out, snatched the cup away, and promptly started chugging its contents.

"Whoa, whoa, E-Beth!" Teddy had both hands up now, waving them defensively. "Uh, that shit's kinda strong!"

It certainly was. Tasted like Hennessey, though, straight up. How the hell did he get Cognac at this party? But I just squinted my eyes shut and kept chugging, ignoring the burn until I'd downed the entire thing. And when it was all gone, I gasped for air and wheezed, the searing pain in my throat overwhelming my ability to think of anything else.

Of course, the pain only made even more tears squeeze out from my eyes, and I hunched over a second later, the pain dulling away but my head beginning to clear.

"E-Beth?" Teddy was sitting beside me by now, finally touching me with a hand on my shoulder. And for once, his gaze wasn't anywhere near my tits. "What's wrong?"

"Thanks for the drink," I burped while handing the plastic cup back to him. And then lurching back onto my feet, I staggered forward and headed back into the ballroom.

****

Stella caught me about thirty feet inside. Like a good friend, she had two drinks in her hands. But exclaiming her concern at me wobbling unsteadily on my feet, she managed to shove both drinks into one hand, grabbed *my* hand, and dragged me back to our table. There, she sat me back down while Audrey, Jin, and Chuck looked at me curiously.

"E-Beth, talk to me," Stella urged.

"I'm fine," I waved, still trying to catch my breath. Like it or not, chugging the full cup of Cognac still had me panting. Stella put the two Tanq & Tonics on the table. I glanced at them for a moment before deciding that I'd already had enough to drink in the past five minutes minutes to last me quite a while.

Stella still looked at me with concern, but Audrey piped up at that point and asked, "What's going on?"

Stella sighed, looking at me pityingly. "It's Grant. We were over by the bar and-"

"I'm going to go talk to him," I announced while standing up. I had to pause and recalibrate my balance, my head swimming thickly after rising too abruptly. I blinked and touched my fingers to my right temple. And then I turned to walk away from the table.

"E-Beth, wait!" Stella reached out to me.

I just glanced back at my friend and then nodded to the table. "Go ahead and tell them. It's fine." And then I walked away.

Behind me, I heard the sound of a chair pulling back as if Stella was coming after me, but I also heard Audrey squawking out further questions. But I didn't turn around to figure out what was going on. Nothing else would deter me from my goal. And that goal was to march up to Grant and demand an explanation. Even if he didn't want to go out with me anymore, I deserved *that* much.

Grant wasn't at the table I last saw him at. Actually, he wasn't *anywhere* in sight, and I momentarily panicked. I hadn't exactly worked out what I was going to say to him, but I *had* already visualized marching up to him while he sat at the table, his hand on Paula's knee. And now that my vision wasn't a reality, I found myself at a loss of what to do. Worse, my paranoid brain started inventing potential explanations for his absence, and none of them were good:

Grant had pulled Paula into a quiet corner where they could talk more intimately, maybe even exchange a few stolen kisses. Grant had squirreled Paula away to the bathroom, where they were locked in a stall frantically trying to pull each other's clothes off. Or worst of all, they were upstairs in a hotel room, already fucking each other's brains out. That's right: blonde, buxom Paula was giving Grant what I'd refused him.

But then I saw them out of the corner of my eye, and they were in a far less compromising position than I'd feared. Grant and Paula were still together, but they were also chatting with some other coworkers both from Marketing and from Legal. And before I realized it, I found that my feet were carrying me toward them.

Paula saw my approach first. With a little smile, she turned and said warmly, "Hi, E-Beth."

I ignored her. Glaring straight at Grant, I raised my eyebrows warningly and barked, "Can we talk?"

Paula looked taken aback by my tone, and suddenly there was an uncertainty in her eyes. Meanwhile, Grant nervously glanced at Paula first before looking at me and nodding. Then he glanced back at the others with a magnanimous grin and chuckled, "Gimme a minute."

Almost hurriedly, Grant then reached out, grabbed my elbow, and rather brusquely tugged me away from the crowd while growling, "What's your problem?"

"MY problem?" I hissed back. "The fuck are you doing hitting on Paula?"

He shot me a look that clearly told me to keep my mouth shut. And for some dumb reason, I did. Striding with confidence, Grant pulled me out of the ballroom while somehow making it look like we were a happy couple just leaving for some air, even smiling charmingly to some other people we knew on the way out. He'd taken charge, and the whole thing just caught me off-guard enough that I went along with him.

But once outside, Grant spun to face me and gave me a stern look. "Look. We had some good times together, but it's clear to me that you've got some issues you still need to work out. I told you I wouldn't pressure you and I'm not going to. You're not ready for a relationship yet and so I think it's best if we both just move on."

I blinked rapidly in shock. "You're breaking up with me?"