All Comments on 'EE EDGER'

Stop writing. It isn't the fetish that bothers me, it's the fact that you're such a horrible writer. Please a least try to get better instead of mentally vomiting and submitting it here.

You show some promise. You certainly need work, but this story wasn't all that bad. I'd say... Maybe 3.0 stars. A couple of things to consider in the future?

When you're going from the present into a flashback, try either switching from normal text to italics, or simply using a paragraph break and a dash, like so:

--

And continue the story here. Also, it's not necessary to use a paragraph break in the middle of a character's dialogue. Or to continue a thought, such as in the last two paragraphs where you described what EE was hearing outside. Correcting things like this will help the story flow better, and make it much more readable overall.

Keep trying. I think you could be a very good writer one day.