All Comments on 'Eenie, Meenie, Miney...'

Five stars, easily. But I still think Cece got off too easily.

once again, a five star effort.

a story with the crap posted on this day, you saved it with this story.

and tho they holler make them pay. TK U MLJ LV NV

Never would have guessed "Who Done It."

My Nit Pick: Glocks can't be discharged accidentally. They can only fire when the trigger is pulled. It's sort of like their claim to fame.

Megan has hidden the fact she knew Rachael was in an incest relationship with their father. Finally high on LSD she goes to Rachael's house and blows her away. I'm just saying.

Thank you. Five stars.

You lost the pacing when you went from a cheating wife story to a murder mystery. It was almost life two separate stories welded together. Also, there was not one appealing character in this story. The couples were all seriously disturbed people and the detectives were two dimensional. It would have been better to stick to the cheating wife story, ended it with some less dramatic and less unlikely breakdown and summarize it with and epilogue that explains each of the characters mental and emotional deficiencies.

Somehow it seems to me that the cheaters got off extremely easy with not much real pain for what they precipitated. And the poor spineless husband was left even more spineless. Started with a "bang" and ended with a silent "fart."

Enjoyed it a lot. Could have given us a little more reaction between Tom and Cece

Great material but reading it was like being back in the military; rush rush wait wait wait wait rush wait wait rush rush rush rush wait wait......

I would have bought this if it had been available on Kindle. Actually, it's better than some books I bought on Kindle!

... Would've given this story 3 1/2 stars, if possible, but rounded it up because of your track record. Just not that crazy about hapless cuckold stories. I know, I know, this was really a murder mystery and Tom wasn't the protagonist but the central theme was adultery and Tom was about as weak a character as you've ever written.

I liked the plot, unique with good twists. I agree the shift to murder investigation was the weak spot, regardless a fine story by one of the best.

DGHear AND FrancisMacomber in one week, plus a good one by Carvohi too, ahhhhhhhhh!!! All we need now is LTW, SS06, and DeYaken.

BUT, (and there always is) I was really disappointed this wasn't a "Miz Sara" story. I would have enjoyed it more watching her and her lovely assistant of the month wade into this sea of honor-less, and unstable people. I did like Harry and Tess, and their chemistry, but I would have loved to see Miz Sara confound a perplexed Harry. Lol

Just a personal preference!!!

Thank you,

M1*****

Another fine triumph from FM! My sincere thanks for your continued efforts here!

I stopped for a break at the top of page 4 (when the switch to whodunnit mode began), and I started describing the set up to my wife. She is a fan of most CSI type crime/detective shows. Her first thought was to suspect TOM. Meanwhile, I knew there had to be more about her prison job that met the eye....

Quite fun to experience a good ole fashioned murder mystery. Any complaints about appropriate category choice, need only to remember that MOST crimes like this are related to acts of marital infedelity, and this was no exception. Then we have the masterful narration of FM to guide us.....I really felt like I was at mystery/dinner theater show! Quite fun!

Now to keep this from merely JUST being ONLY endless praise (well deserved though it may be...)

Here are my things:

1)The relationship of the detectives was extranious, and offered little but distraction

2) The ultimate motive was almost TOO convaluted. I think you could have kept the same result with a much simpler explanation. For half a minute, I thought the guard might be the best twist: He has coveted her from afar, jealous of her attentions to prisoners, jealous of her marriage, and resentful that his advances have been spurned. Rejected after he only tries to offer comfort after learning of her marital problem, he goes off the deep end, and......But it didn't go that way, so.....

3) See by turning her into the freak you ultimately turn her into, removes the sympathy we felt at her being the victim. That is either genious, or an oversite. But, with the long list of red herrings you provide, SOME of this misdirection was a little over-kill (pun intended-LOL).

4) I am no police procedural expert either, but I felt that the entire handling of the murder weapon, and their subsequent handling of Cee-Cee and Tom as the THEN primary suspects was WAY off base. I think that they would have been held while the forensics investigation transpired.

These are ALL little nit-picks. Stuff to think about. NONE of it spoiled my enjoyment, and no matter what, I got to win, as my FIRST suspect choice actually turned out to be correct! Thanks again FM! It truly is ALWAYS a pleasure!

...you started off quite well, but I agree with some prior readers: The story lost a lot of quality when you decided to let Tom stay a meek wimp (at least it explained why his career stagnated - no backbone and not the least bit of self-confidence). The story lost the last credit when (not unlike Edgar Wallace) you took to having Rachel forcing the suicidal-issue. Not expected, true, but neither logically built up. Why did a man as dangerous as Hector seemingly was get to leave his imprisonment as early as he did? I agree, too, that Cece and her lover got off way to easy. How could their doings possibly affect Toms career? He could have divorced her, have both fired and destroyed and nobody would have blamed him as he had been unaware. He could have reacted the way any man would have and at least show the world that he in fact did have something similar to a backbone. You missed out on that, creating a wimp most readers (except JPB, of course) would get mad at.

Sorry - your usual standard is a lot higher. 3* this time.

Hector certainly wasn't in prison very long. More astonishingly, however, was Cece not realizing she had not talked with Tom on any of the four nights she was at the conference.

your stories have that.lover wife had more balls,than tom.whore wife and wimp hubby.that what I got from story.

When watching an episode of Law and Order, you know that whatever action takes place at the start it will progress to a detective story. The main protagonists then taking a secondary role to the investigators, the whole point of the programme being to see the "stars!" catch the bad guys and all is well with the world. This story is a lot like that, but here I think it would have been better to start with the opening of a murder investigation, then reading the story of the events which prompted the investigation. I feel the story would have been more rounded, for me it was a bit like reading two books that had names in common but a very good story as always from FM. Has anyone else found Tom's insecurity annoyingly frustrating, the lad needs a slap to bring him out of himself. Oh! and a well deserved four and a half stars, I know I can't do that so it will haft to be five.

There were some stretches of entertainment , but I feel very safe in saying Francis Macomber has serious insight and depicts superbly the self entitlement of cheaters and the pain of their spouses upon affairs' discovery. His carnal scenes are upper echelon as well.This author pushes himself to cast his morality passion plays in new settings and more often than not makes it work. Not so this time.

His cops and criminals are beyond inauthentic the point of parody. carefree author has their limitations . Suffice to say, that this author's experiences in law enforcement most likely end with the traffic and parking enforcement. But then who wants to read a story about the love life of slutty meter maids and the despicable doubleparkers who love them ?

First SS06, now you. Next Matt Monroe will be writing BTC stories. This was well written but the way you casted Tom, it's a wonder he's married. I thought maybe he was gay or The wimpiest guy on the planet as you had him.

Great writing as usual.

I liked the ending about the murder.

The characters, wow they were each problematic,

Tom was ill, self esteem issues. His wife knew it and damaged him anyway. She never tried to get him help? Some wife.

She also didnt call home during the trip? She was already making a statement the marriage was over and in a cruel cold way.

the cheater husband, was the worse of the lot. Knowing his wife was fragile, he also intentionally put her at risk, and didnt care if tom was damaged either.

He was indeed the worse of the lot yet seemed to get by with little consequence.

Didnt seem upset the wife was dead either.

Great writing but the ending left me feeling bad, 4 people, 2 sick, 2 well evil.

I would have rather had some sort of semi happy ending :(

The best part was Tess and Harry. The other characters were thoroughly unlikeable. Technically this was well written but it felt uninspired. Other than feeling sorry for the sniveling little man you made Tom into the rest of them just seemed to follow the standard cheater's handbook. In the end they all lost. Maybe this was just too close to reality. But I never felt good about any of them and in the end, their departures seemed like Harry's leaves. Again, a well done story. But a little too sad to create an entertaining read. Nice effort. Keep writing.

Even for a story that is supposed to be pulp, the portrayal of mental illness is comically overwrought.

And I know you like to introduce multiple characters points of view, but I do wish you would reduce that a little bit. In this case, by bringing in the cops points of view during what should have been our dramatic apex, you basically remove us from the story we had been reading and deliver us into the hands of two dry, emotionally detached witnesses. Further, none of the insights we get from following those two were anything we couldn't have gotten from well constructed interactions they might have had with our main characters.

By the end of the story, you are following the cops so exclusively that the story we HAD been reading is barely a footnote....something someone else has to tell us about.

You remain one of the most capable writers on this site.

You are a fantastic author and this story was well written but stories where there is not a person who comes out good in the end are shitty in my opinion. I like to come here and be entertained and this story left me feeling depressed and shitty. Does anybody else hate feeling depressed and shitty? Well done as it's definitely a great story but please add a little positivity to your next offering please. This story just made you hate everybody!

Like many of those who commented I didn't like hubby's personality. He was just too insecure and wimpy. His flashes of backbone, however, led me to believe he committed the murder and I kept waiting for him and Hector to meet in prison. This well written tale had so many twists and turns I never saw the actual ending coming at all. I really didn't like the outcome for our innocent husband but the rest seemed to fit somehow. Well done.

The characters are so unlikeable! It makes it extremely hard to pull for any of them.

Sorry, this story is not up to par with most of your other works. It simply did not "flow".

The beginning with Hector telegraphed the ending. Otherwise it made no sense even to include him except to show the indications of Rachel's mental illness and her control over him.

I've never heard of a place where a guy would have to resign because of a divorce and/or a cheating spouse. Divorce is common. Men bond over the reasons why they're divorced. That plot device left a bad taste in my mouth. I understood the idea that Tom was insecure but you didn't create enough depth in the character to excuse or make believable a workplace like that. And that problem is rooted in Cece's attractiveness: if Tom got her, he has to have something on the ball so his character doesn't fit together right as you've drawn it.

Thanks for sharing.

i like some of it, some not so much. usually i dont want to know how the husband and wife meet. in this case i wanted to know. how did such a milk toast wimp ass pussy like tom get a good looking wife. tom was one of the least likeable MC ive ever seen. i almost didnt blame his wife for cheating. plus vince and rachel. rachel was very disturbed and i wonder how vince and her ended up married. so in the end i hated all 4 of them. there should be at least one person in a story that you can root for.

But I could tell by page three that this story was not going to measure up to your usual standards and sadly I was right. No depth, unsympathetc characters all around and cut out cops. Unfortunately your last two stories have been subpar by your standards.

This guy had to be the biggest pussy out there. Show some backbone

They would have never interviewed them together. Good for bad tv

This was so interesting. The characters were all developed individually and as the story went along at every turn there were surprises which led you on a path which was unexpected. The story could have been mundane, but it captured me and took me to many unexpected places. I was delighted in the way each character was rewarded for their misdeeds accordingly.

I love the author and delight when a new story is posted. This was a real treat.

And the level of his stupidity just overwhelmed the mystery aspect of the story for me.

You're not a cuckold if you discover your wife has cheated on you once, confront her about it and hold her accountable. You ARE a cuckold if you help her cover it up and leave her in a position to continue doing it with no repercussions.

Tom was not a cuckold up to the point he confronted Cece and Vince, but was so afraid that others might perceive him as a cuckold that he was willing to actually become one.

Other than that one nit, it was rather nicely done.

Good story. Thanks.

I do agree that there seemed to be a shift away from the original story, onto the cops. However, I think that was what the real story was about to begin with. I can't help but feel you may be introducing another Miz Sara type of series. I hope so! At least at the end it read like that. That is why I'm not too bothered that none of the original characters were likable, or that that storyline was fully explored. Again, I loved it. Five stars.

every time I wake up in the morning and wonder if there will be a new FM story posted, there is. Weird.

put him incestial latino inbreeding site.

For the read.

There some small things to complain about but it was a well constructed story and if they had not found her diary there would have been no way to solve the case. Personally I believe that in a whodunit you should accumulate information. Not a single one of the four protagonists could be substituted by the reader without him feeling dirty. Normally if you do not have Miss Sarah present there is a certain lack of model roles in those stories.

But the fragmented nature of this one and the constant swapping of the p.o.v really drove me nuts. Not in a good way, either. It's really well written, and surprisingly good, but Tom (Cece's Husband), comes across as needy, a jerk and a whiny little bitch. I really disliked Cece, Vince and Tom. Rachel was just plain nuts, and it wasn't a good mix. All in all, I stopped reading half way through, just after the murder and skipped to the end. I'm sorry, but this just isn't your usual panache and flair. It's not what I expected from you.

The people seemed real since everyone had faults. No perfect husband and evil cheating slut or good wife seduced by an expert Lothario here. I like that is was different. You foreshadowed Rachel being loony just enough.

I swear I saw this story somewhere else before.

Tom was an insecure person, but no way did he deserve what happened. Rachel was crazy and ended her own life by way of Hector. The other two? If would be good if they each shot themselves. What scum.

At least one complained of the constant POV change. I liked that. In the beginning, each POV introduced a character and added a small amount to the story direction. Once all the characters were introduced, we knew something about all of them, and had an idea where the story was going.

Subsequent changes of POV added another detail that advanced the story.

It his sort of a flat spot when Hector admitted he killed Rachel. I would have expected that to be a more dramatic change in the story than it was. But there was still a lot to be cleared up so I don't see any way around that.

Always an enjoyable experience reading an FM story. This was no exception.

rj

Actually Tom, Vince, and Cece are fortunate Rachel didn't plug them all with the stolen gun. She could have done that and framed Hernandez. Thank you Mac for an interesting twisty turn-filled story.

you really need a doctor.

Juvenile diabetes for an adult is Type 1. Does the infirmary stock all types of insulin? Does she really want to kill him or did she skip blood glucose testing just for the fun of watching him sweat or die? Not a big deal, but if you're going to use a medical premise in your story ... well, whatever. Now back to the story.

The plot was strange and really didn't track very well. The confession on video was ridiculous.

This is a detective story, well written, but I have to agree with some comments: Some turnings in the plot were too much...Like the police woman be worried with the fate of a convicted like the boy...For any Police the matter was closed...Like for the DA...The confessions in video also...But the story as a detective story, wasn't bad...

but a somewhat unsatisfying tale. ***

For a while there I thought you had used a ghost writer. It was a bit off axis from your usually superb stories but in the end was an enjoyable read. I always look forward to your contributions for others' entertainment. Many thanks.

I do not understand why you made the husband into such a wimp! As far as the wife and Vincent cheating . That was normal for two cheaters and Rachel the crazy wife who's family history destroyed her. But Tom was not a character to be respected afraid of his own shadow. 1 dead 3 lives destroyed. The only winners were the 2 detectives .

Usually I do enjoy your stories but this one was too much; never understood why Cece was cheating, who loved who, and cannot stand Tom.

The switch from typical LW fare to murder mystery was seamless and fun. Toward the end when you had both Cece and Tom leaving town, I had the expectation that you would have them back together in a new life together, as an end with a twist. Oh well, that can be my personal ending.

I was just about to jump your ass about interviewing with the couple together when you had them separate, I remain convinced that the initial interviews should have been done in two separate rooms becasue that is the way we always did it but you did pretty well. At least you didn't have them looking for DNA like in NCIS. LOL!

All in all, a pretty good story. Do I dare hope we will see more of Harry and Tess?? :)

And the overall theme was pretty depressing.

Even the ending scene, while nice in thought, leaves a lot to be desired. One of them will have to transfer to another division, they will no longer share cases and their days together. Having only the times when both are not working the unpredictable hours of a detective to be with each other. And most of that will be filled by domestic tasks and sleeping. Equalling a net loss.

What a strange tale. Has you feeling all types of emotion. Actually the fact that it only took six pages to complete is a credit to the author as this could have gone on chapter after chapter. Considering the circumstances it was only a matter of time before our dear departed went over the edge. The cheating was just hastening her end. Crazy tale but definitely earned its five star rating.

One rarely comes across such a brilliant master stroke of penmanship...! You have everything in one story .... infidelity, humour ,sharp and efficient detective work and not to forget about the one of its own and very special kind of romance between the detective couple... Harry and Tess ..

Interesting and very entertaining ..!

You can't be serious.

Very well written and you didnt drag it out, Well done

5

But Tom was such a pathetic wimp, it was almost as bad.

Thanks for sharing this fine story.

You pulled off a great romance murder mystery of betrayal revenge and heartbreak. Fiction, almost became stranger than truth... Outstanding!

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Guess I'll go back and read some of your other stuff. You need to publish in a wider venue.

I kinda thought that some how Rachel's sister might be in on it, getting back at her for not giving her drugs or money. But probably, she was all along.

Good plot. Would make a good "Lifetime" movie! LOL

5 *'s

But this story isn't one of your better ones IMO. One of your strengths is your characterization, but here none have any depth, further, of the two couples, none are either interesting or likeable. Likewise the cops are breezy stereotypes, and there is generally a lack of emotion throughout.

One thing about many murder mysteries, is if we are clever enough, we can sort of figure it out in advance, but there were no clues with this one, so instead of saying how clever we are for figuring it out, we were reduced to passivity until you revealed how clever you were.

Well, I'm looking forward to your next one.

Chilley

Very good job laying the foundation early on then pulling the reader through what appeared to be just another, albeit well written, cheating-wife story. Very Agatha Christi-esque in that we were presented with obvious daming evidence pointing in the wrong direction while the real culprit had already laid her cards bare.

However the cries of how badly Tom would be treated at work sounded a little too much like high-school life than an adult life. It was therefore a little difficult to understand why Tom would risk lying to a murder inquiry to save face for something he was blameless in. The story would have worked just as well if he had said 'fuck it' I'm not lying to save you two cunts.

In anycase ithink you had more story left to tell us how the original protagonists fared towards the end of what would have been a very invasive investigation. In short I think you left money on the table with this one.

Having said all of that- very well done. 5 well deserved stars!

laugh at a cops funeral, fucking scum, what did tom do to be so mocked, every wife beaten to death for cheating is funny, no cops in heaven(why do they fear IA?), no ex wives in heaven, never cheat, never forgive, never compromise, a hard world but better for "man" kind, fuck women kind, they have mercyed and compromised marriage and humanity to hell.

well written well told

Tom was so weak, he made me sick. There was no one to like in this story.

I think Tom had some mental issues he need to seek professional help for.

You are a great writer,I like a lot of your stories. Loved the Title.

....thanks.

I did feel it was a bit of a twisted fairy tale, but enjoyed the ride.

I did not like your story, but have to acknowledge the writing. What ugly unhappy twisted people. Shudder.

Wow, what a mystery ! You earned the 4*s with a fast-paced , witty and original story.

Dialogue very good . Told us enough about the characters to make them believable .

FrancisMacomber only the title wasn't good . I mean come on..it didn't even have to be original, to be better. For example " the mad wife" or " she gets hers " lol.

Anyway fine story as usual and I look forward to the next story...

AMerryMan

Very enjoyable read. I'd like to hear more about Harry and Tess. Fun couple. Thanks for writing. *****

Why do you go to the trouble to write this tale and then never write about the the three main characters? Some sort of finish for the three remaining people would have made this a better read than the tired old 2 cops fall in love stuff.

Unlike your other works, I couldn't find anyone in this story to like, other than the two detectives. The cheated husband was a spineless wuss, the cheating wife was nothing more than a cum dumpster, the cheating husband was pond scum, and the cheated wife was a deeply psychotic sadist! I couldn't bring myself to have sympathy for any of them. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the story because I did. It just wasn't what I expected. And, maybe that's a good thing. You get 5 stars from me.

Story seem out of joint. Never had a hook. Very hard to connect. Still 3*s, though that is the lowest rating I have given anything else you have submitted.

5

bad. not a likeable character at all. not much of a plot.

to help offset the asshole annony's 1

Probably would've been a better read if told from the cops' point of view as they uncovered the facts of the case and moved closer to cementing their relationship instead of jumping from one suspect to the other and then springing Harry's proposal on Tess at the end. Harry and Tess are the only people in the story a reader could possibly have any good feeling about.

my only gripe is that the character of Rachel is inconsistent between being out of control around her husband to being unbelievably in control around her prisoner victims. I did see something coming simply because there had to be a reason for the introduction piece with the prisoner. However in spite of that a great story that makes you guess and follow the plot, which is the main thing! I'm not bothered that Tom was a wimp.... they do exist don't they?

But when Vince reached for her, Cece dodged clumsily out of his reach. "Wait, Tom," she said somewhat breathlessly. "I've been saving something special for you. Let me go change."

The above exchange on page 3 must be wrong; isn't she talking to Vince, not Tom? A minute later she is checking her calls from Tom; there are other examples around that stage in the story when the names are muddled up, I think.

TO HELP MAKE HAPPY THE VALUED ANNONY'S

Harry in VA's Witness

I've read a lot of your stuff and this stunk to high heaven. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. The character Tom was the ruination for me. Of course in real life there are a number of characters with those same traits but I would never willingly read about them. Thank you for your effort.

I've read a lot of your stuff and this was great. To say I was quite satisfied is an understatement. The character Tom was a revelation for me. Of course in real life there are a number of characters with those same traits and I enjoy reading about them. Thank you for your effort.

great story story of an involved murder case with many twists. But most enjoyable was the "odd couple" cop team

Tom was such a pussy...I hated it.

one of thev worst if not the worst tales by this author

*

all the "haters". Every story and every character cannot be the same. How boring would that be? I will admit I was quite engaged by this story. The story flowed well and the mystery was excellent. My favorite characters were the detectives. Also found a soft spot for Hector. Even for a criminal, he was sorely abused. FM, keep up the good work.

Hey, Frank, good story! Good writing too. No sex, but what the hell, it is what it is and that's good. The banter between the detective team was humorous. Cheers!

I have to say for a story without a whole bunch of sex this was a well written well layed out story. this is well worthy of more than 5 stars. a story that was a bit long but well worth reading. DAMN GOOD JOB.

It was a fun and interesting read, but I didn't like the twists at the end. My favorite is still "Funny You Should Ask".

I thought Megan killed Rachel!

“After the guard had left, Rachel locked the door,” – WTF? She locks the guard OUT? I know she knows “how to handle his type," but come on! What if she CAN’T handle him and needs the guard quickly? Even assuming the guard has a key, using it can take precious seconds. Now I know why she locked the guard out, LOL!

If these people are so hung up on each other, why don’t they at least have the integrity (I know, I know, LOL!) to divorce their spouses and then they don’t have to CHEAT?

I know I’ve said this before, and it may be none of my business since I never have, and never will be, on the receiving end of a blow job, but I can understand anyone not wanting a man to cum in their mouth, whether it be the taste, texture or whatever, but once it’s in the mouth, what’s the big deal about swallowing?

"Stop, stop," he commanded himself, "you're jumping to conclusions” – WTF! Stop and get your head out of your ass, of course she’s cheating on you, and we didn’t have to read the earlier part of the story to figure that out!

Rachel is tough enough to handle gang-banger convicts on her own, but she totally breaks down at the fact that her husband is cheating? Again, NOW we know why!

Even IF CeCe seduced Vince, HE’S her boss, he’s in charge of the situation.

“It wasn't until early afternoon on Thursday that Vince and Cece managed to start on the drive home.”

Um, the dinner-dance was Thursday NIGHT, how could they be driving home Thursday afternoon?

How can they (or at least CeCe, VINCE is obviously a creep!), even THINK of continuing things if they want to stay in their marriages?

“The truth is I never believed that you'd find out." – And just what does THAT have to do with it? Would it be okay for one of her students to cheat on a test as long as she didn’t find out?

No way Tom has as much to lose as them! Yes, it’s embarrassing that his wife cheated, but he wasn’t a WILLING cuckold, and he can easily leave town and get a new job. They are co-workers having an extra-marital affair, and he’s her superior, his career is over, and hers isn’t in much better shape!

How in the hell did CeCe reach Tom AND get him to come home AND coordinate their stories before the cops could get there?

Very different from the average - I liked it.

For what it's worth, a Glock will not fire if you drop it or bounce it around - it has three internal safeties. The only way to make it go bang is to pull the trigger with your finger.

I never could understand stories where the weak wimp cucked husband is terrified that everyone will know that he's been cucked by a slut wife. That's why I didn't like this story. I'd tell anyone who would listen.