Eirin Ch. 04

"I want to pleasure you."

"You are pleasuring me, by allowing me to pleasure you."

Eirin couldn't stand it. She could not keep her objectivity to him when he made her feel like this. She sat up and scooted away from him while pulling her knees up to her chest. "I told you this evening that I do not want to be pleasured. That is not why you bought me and it is not necessary. Please do not, I do want to like you but you make me confused when you make me feel like that."

Lord Hawthorn just stared at her. She had tears in her eyes and she was still pulling her knees in closer as if she could make herself disappear. "And I told you that I would help you learn the ways of joy between a man and a woman."

"I don't want to have joy; I want to remain separate from you."

Lord Hawthorn reclined against the headboard of the bed. He was shocked at her behavior. He wanted her more than he could describe but it would be empty to him if he could bring her to pleasure. He remembered how she looked as she came and wanted to see that look on her face again. He wanted to feel her contract around him and arch her body towards his.

Lord Hawthorn looked at the stubborn expression on Eirin's face and knew he would not win this argument with words. Instead he motioned for her to come to him. Eirin slowly unfolded herself and crawled across the bed to his side. She knelt there with her hands at her side, unsure of how to continue.

He reached out to hold her around the waist and felt her tense up. "Eirin, there are things you do not understand. I will not lie to you. I want you to enjoy our coupling. As a matter of fact, I intend to see that you do." At this point Eirin started to shake her head again, her eyes had gone wide and she was trying to lean back from him, but he kept holding onto her.

"I am not finished. Calm down. Yes, I will see to it that you reach your climax tonight; however, it is more than that. If you are not prepared to couple with me, then you run the risk of being injured as you were the day in my office. Give me your hand." Lord Hawthorn's eyes were dark and she couldn't tell if he was angry or not. Regardless, she had given her word that she would never disobey him, and therefore lifted her hand to his without complaint.

Lord Hawthorn ordered her to spread her knees and led her hand to her most private parts. Using his first finger on her own middle finger, he guided her to run her fingers over her slit. "Tell me what you feel?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Do you feel any moisture?" Lord Hawthorn was trying to contain his temper, but she had already disappointed him repeatedly tonight with her words, and he was not famous for his gentle temper to begin with.

Eirin merely shook her head. Lord Hawthorn worked hard to keep his voice steady and reasonable. "With stimulation, your body will release moisture to help you take me inside of you. Please do not tense up."

Lord Hawthorn abandoned her hand and used his own fingers to stimulate her. Before long he could feel her holding her body stiffly in order to not squirm against him, and her juices started flowing freely from her body.

Lord Hawthorn once again took her finger in his hand and ran it through he slit. "Do you feel it now?" Eirin only nodded as Lord Hawthorn raised her finger to his mouth and sucked on it.

Lord Hawthorn removed his arm from around Eirin's waist and she made to lay on her back again. He stopped her and had her lay on her stomach, placing two pillows under her hips. He knew that Eirin did not yet have control over her body's reactions, and he intended to show her that he did.

He regretted that he would not be able to watch her come tonight, but he hoped it would only be a one time lesson and that in the future she would be more willing to receive pleasure from him. He had never been a selfish lover; as a matter of fact he had little respect for men who were. Just because their situation was not a normal one did not mean that he would change his ways for her. His satisfaction was always greater when he brought a woman to climax with him.

Lord Hawthorn ran his hands down Eirin's back. She was tense again, and he didn't blame her. She did not know what was going to happen. He didn't want her scared, so he attempted to put her fears to rest.

"Eirin, there are many different positions in which men and women can make love. I intend to teach them all to you. Just because a position is knew, or you are unfamiliar with what we are doing is no reason for you to become frightened. I have told you numerous times that I will not hurt you again. However, you can bring pain yourself if you refuse to relax. Eirin's stiff limbs and body still did not relax and Lord Hawthorn felt himself becoming irritated with her.

I have done nothing but try to help her learn the ways between a man and a woman. Yes, I hurt her, yes, I am sorry. I have told her that over and over. I never apologize to people, but this girl, whose father stole from me, has forced me to apologize repeatedly.

I have been gentle and caring. I have been encouraging and patient. I have asked her to do nothing else but trust me at night in this bed.

Even with his harsh thoughts Lord Hawthorn's hands were gentle upon her body. He kissed his way down her back, running his hands along her side. As he reached her bottom, he kneeled behind her, spreading her thighs with his knees. He ran his hands across her buttocks and down her thighs, bringing them back up her inner thighs and running his thumbs up her slit.

He felt Eirin jerk and he leaned down to place a kiss on her right cheek. He wished he could make love to her with his mouth, but he knew that tonight was not the night for that. Someday, he would have Eirin begging for his mouth on her. But she was not ready yet.

He reached his hand back down and slid his fingers through her slit. He slid his thumb into her hole while his middle two fingers brushed her button. She was very wet now, and her breathing had become ragged.

Eirin lay across the pillows. Jane had told her about this, but she had had no idea he would expect it of her so soon. She had her head buried in her arms on the bed, trying to relax. If he had hurt her the first time, there was no telling what would happen when he went into her teeny tiny bottom. She was trying to breathe through her nose so she didn't accidentally scream when he entered her. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had hurt her.

Eirin jerked when he kissed her bottom. With each motion of his fingers upon her, her stomach would lift and then drop. She was trying to keep up with her own emotions and expectations as well as the feelings he was inspiring within her.

Finally she felt him slide smoothly into her. Her relief almost made her cry. She had been so afraid he would try to take her bottom and she knew he would never have fit there. Just as she began to relax knowing that he would not try to enter her bottom, she was slammed with the reality of how wonderful he felt within her.

She was trying to control her feelings, but he felt perfect. She felt herself stretching around his girth and wishing he would begin to thrust. Her mind was quickly becoming fuzzy and all she wanted now was to feel the same sensation she had previously with him. Her need was overpowering and she knew he could bring her relief.

Suddenly she knew he was the only one who could bring her the relief she needed, deep within her she knew that no other man would ever fill her this way, or feel this perfect.

"Can you feel me inside you Eirin?"

"Yes," Eirin's voice was muffled from her arms.

"Tell me how it feels," Lord Hawthorn's voice had taken on an almost strangled quality, and he fought to hold himself within her, just rocking.

"It feels…"

"Tell me!"

"It feels like you are a part of me. I can feel you in every fiber of my being. My skin is on fire and you are filling me completely. More than I ever knew a person could be filled."

Lord Hawthorn withdrew from Eirin, and slowly slid himself back in. He did this several times, feeling Eirin's frustrations grow as he went. "What is wrong Eirin? Does it not still feel good?"

Eirin groaned, and tried to slam back on him, but he kept hold of her hips, and controlled his thrusts. "Just tell me what you want and I'll do it for you."

Eirin kept her head muffled in her arms, "Please!" she begged.

"Do you want to come, Eirin?" Lord Hawthorn sped up his thrusts, but now they were shallow, so Eirin still could not find the relief she needed. "All you have to do is tell me, and I'll give you what you want, do you want to come?"

Eirin started crying, she was so frustrated, she did want to come. She needed to come, but he wouldn't give it to her unless she begged for it. He was a monster, she should have realized that long ago. Finally, she could not stand it anymore, "Please, let me come, please, please."

Eirin continued her chanting of 'please', until Lord Hawthorn finally reached around and started stimulating her clit.

"Eirin, earlier tonight you told me that you did not want to come when we were together. You said you did not want a personal connection to me. What you do not understand is that what we are doing is personal and we will always have a connection. In this position I have all the control, and should you wish it, I can withhold your pleasure. But that is not what you want, is it? You do not want to be simply the body I find my release on."

By now Lord Hawthorns voice had become rough and almost hoarse from the exertion of holding back his own climax, but he continued speaking. "Eirin, I do not want you to fight me anymore. The next time I bring you to completion, I want to be able to see your face. I want to watch as your eyes go glassy and your mouth opens in a silent scream of ecstasy."

While he had been speaking, Lord Hawthorn had sped up his thrusts until his hips would be heard smacking against Eirin's ass. He pinched her clit, and felt her entire body tense up as her back arched and her own hips tried to slam back to meet his thrusts. Her bucking forced her knees out from under her, and she fell to the bed on her stomach. Lord Hawthorn followed her, still buried within her, feeling his own release sweep over him hard enough to leave him light-headed.

Once Eirin had regained her breath, she twisted under Lord Hawthorn. He lifted himself to lie next to her with one hand thrown over her waist. Eirin got shakily back to her knees, and made her way to the edge of the bed. She reached down and retrieved her nightgown, donning it quickly.

She got up and without looking back at Lord Hawthorn, headed towards her own room. "Where are you going?"

"It's late, and you know how Maria is in the morning."

She didn't wait for him to dismiss her or tell her to come back, instead she ran to her room. She was so glad she had remembered to bring up a fresh pitcher of water before dinner. It would be cool now, but she would be able to clean herself with it. And she would also need to remove the sponge that Jane had given her and shown her how to use; she had slipped it in when she went to take off her dress. She was glad Lord Hawthorn had not noticed, he had told Phillip that he would not acknowledge any child she had, so she wasn't sure he cared, but none-the-less, she would prefer he not find out.

Eirin fell onto her bed crying. He was a monster; he enjoyed her humiliation and pain. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to make it here. Finally, she fell into an exhausted sleep, tear marks still on her cheeks.

Lord Hawthorn listened to Eirin crying in her room. He no longer knew what to do. He had tried to explain to her that without her own completion his was meaningless. He had wanted her to see that he could bring her great joy, but instead she was acting like he had raped her again. He had wanted her to stay with him a little longer, was unprepared for her to run from him again.

He felt his chest tighten as he remembered how she shook as she had put her nightgown on and run from his room. He sighed listening to her cry through the walls and decided that she had won. He would not force anything more from her. He knew he could not let her stop coming to his bed, but he would no longer try to make her see things his way. He couldn't take the heart-wrenching sobs. Lord Hawthorn got up, put on his robe and made his way down to his study, so he could drink until he no longer heard Eirin crying.

It was the dream again, she was being chased by a shadow. It had long arms, and it was going to reach her any second now. This time she was in the corridor and she could see doors lining either side, but they were all closed and she was afraid of losing time by trying to open them. She kept running, hoping to find a way out. At the end of the hallway was a staircase. She tried to fight for an extra burst of energy from her tired body, but her lungs felt like they were going to explode, and she was having trouble keeping her balance. She felt herself fall down the stairs, and tried not to scream out, so the shadow behind her wouldn't hear that she had fallen.

Eirin woke up twisted in her sheets on the floor next to her cot. She looked around, feeling her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her arms. She was both trying to calm down, and listening for any sounds from Lord Hawthorn's room. All she heard was silence, and finally she felt herself calm. She couldn't stay here in the dark.

Eirin quietly got up and dressed, then made her way down the stairs and to the library. It had been two months since the episode where she had told him she did not want a personal connection with him, and he had made her beg for release.

Each night Lord Hawthorn took her to the edge, he no longer made her beg for her release, but she did it anyway. She found the greatest pleasure of her life in his arms, and the worst guilt of her life in her own bed afterward.

She had almost stopped eating after having breakfast one day and spending the entire day completely sick. She was sure Lori had put something in her food, but was unable to prove it. She couldn't even find the strength to accuse her.

Eirin knew she looked bad, but she avoided all mirrors and hadn't seen her reflection in almost two months. She didn't think it mattered anyway, she had hated what she had seen the last time she had looked in a mirror. She had an ugly scar across her forehead and her eyes had been haunted. She felt better not knowing what she looked like. She had never been vain but since coming here she had begun to wish she were ugly, or even better, invisible.

She sat huddled in a chair, too tired to make a fire, and grateful that it was getting later in the spring so that the nights weren't as cold as they had been. She had a book open in her lap but she wasn't able to concentrate on it. Her nightmares had gotten progressively worse; more than once she had woken Lord Hawthorn with her crying until she had learned to sleep lightly. Tonight was the first night she had gotten caught up in one in over a month.

Eirin heard a noise outside the door, and looked up. Lord Hawthorn stood in the doorway holding up a candelabra, "What are you doing up at this hour, Eirin?"

Eirin sighed quietly, stood up and curtsied. "Lord Hawthorn, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I am used to getting up early, if you would like to sit in here, I would be happy to go to one of the parlors until the house wakes, and I attend to my duties."

"No, that's not what I meant, I just thought it was odd for you to be sitting here in the in the middle of the night. Is something wrong?" Lord Hawthorn moved farther into the room and pulled her to sit back on the couch next to him. He set the candelabra on the table and turned towards her.

Eirin shook her head no and made to get up again. "I thought you told me you wouldn't run from me anymore?" Eirin pulled her eyebrows together as if she wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"When we played chess you told me you had accepted your position here, and would no longer run from me, or avoid me." Lord Hawthorn reached out to take her hand. He had noticed her thinning frame and the circles below her eyes.

She never denied him, and was very enthusiastic in bed with him. On the other hand, they hadn't played chess or even spent an evening together since that night, and should he think of her during the day, she was no where to be found. Each evening she was waiting in his room when he arrived there, and missing the rest of the time. As soon as he indicated he'd had enough sex, she immediately got out of bed and headed back to her own room, with hardly a good-night.

His feelings for her had grown progressively deeper as time had gone on. Maria kept him up to date on her activities during the day, but spoke little of her attitude. He had watched her with the other people around the household. He saw that she was fairly removed from most of the people, but was always polite and accommodating. It was a completely different attitude with the children. She practically glowed when around them.

If only he could break through this barrier she had put around herself. She seemed to have it with everyone in the castle except for Maria and the children. He wanted more than anything to know more about her but everytime he tried to approach her about anything other than retiring to their room she was evasive and closed. His concern for her well-being had been growing for the past month and he was feeling increasingly frustrated over his inability to connect with her.

He had heard her in her room this morning. He heard a thump, and was about to get up when he heard her get up and dress. Then she had snuck out of her room. He'd continued lying in bed for a while, but when she never came back, he had decided to go look for her and see what it was she was doing in the mornings when she left so early.

When at first he hadn't found her, he had thought she had gone to meet someone else. He had been livid, thinking that the reason she was so removed from him was because she had found another lover, until he'd seen the light from the library. When he'd come in, it had been to find her in here, by herself, staring into space, looking……sad.

He hadn't had a proper conversation with her since the night they had played chess, and while he didn't want to run her off, he also didn't want her to avoid his questions. He decided that the only way to get any answers from her was to just ask the questions. He had been sticking to his earlier promise of no longer forcing anything from her that she did not want to give freely. However, watching her sit in here staring off into space, he decided he could not longer remain silent.

"Eirin, are you sick?"

Eirin tried to pull her hand from his, but he refused to let go. She gave up and just looked at him, "No, my lord, I am perfectly healthy, thank you for inquiring".

"Something is wrong, either you are sick, or you are intentionally hurting yourself. I intend to find out which; avoiding my questions or being uncooperative will not help you. I do not intend to let you out of this room without some answers."

"My lord, I assure you, I am not avoiding your questions, nor am I being uncooperative. I promise you I am not sick, furthermore, I promise you I am not intentionally hurting myself." Eirin was beginning to become angry; as long as she was able to service him, she could not see that her health was any of his business.

"Eirin, I can see that you have lost at least five kilograms. You can hide your condition from the rest of the household, but not from me. Therefore, you are either sick, causing you to lose the weight, or you are just simply not eating. I want to know which one it is. You do not sleep, and when you do you have nightmares, you have circles under your eyes, your hair lank, even after you bathe, and it's falling out, I can see it in my bed after you leave. You are not pregnant, for you have already had your courses this month, so that is not the reason for your condition. What is?"