All Comments on 'Elizabeth and John Ch. 01'

please please get an editor. i expect the guy is more than 7 inches tall.

I also would have thought there'd have been a catalyst for her change of heart, but you left that out.... !??

You have a good start, but you need to: watch tenses; beware of homonyms (threw vs through); Reread your story, then use the services of a volunteer editor. I also suggest developing your characters further. The sex scene could have been described much more in detail. Best of luck in your future writing

I enjoyed your story but have to agree with the first two comments in that you needed to have read it though more carefully. I know myself how easy it is to miss obvious mistakes no matter how many times I proof read a story. Am I right in thinking English isn't your first language? If that is the case I'm even more impressed.

Pete

Your story was great, loved every word. It irritates me when almost all the time everytime people read these stories, a few become english teachers and editors, who cares it was a great story, I don't comb through every story correcting every syllable. Keep writing bud, good story. Incest romance stories are the best.

It was a nice distraction to the 1860's.

Your story however could use a good proof reader to cut down on the obvious errors.

Thanks for writing!

Great story for your first one. love how your brother made you his own. the writing I found very erotic. and towards the end it got me feeling very horny. I can see more awesome stories coming from you. and they will be getting better that I know you are gifted in this writing of that i am sure.

I liked it very much. Don't be discouraged at all so please keep writing.

Your story made my painties wet. Keep this way ... Loved it!!!

Okay, my biggest problem with this is the setting. I'm guessing that you have never actually seen Texas. You described the ranch as ARID country located near the Texas/Arkansas border. This part of Texas is far from being arid country. It's heavily forested and in post Civil War times wouldn't have been suitable for cattle ranches. In fact, that part of Texas was agricultural in those days.

I also had some issues with the idea that her own brother was teaching her to masturbate. This would have been something self taught or learned from another female family member. Again, I totally understand the concept of literary license and that you're creating a fictional story, but you can stretch plausibility too far and destroy interest in the reader as well, I gave you 3/5 for this part and will continue reading. I hope that it improves.