All Comments on 'Elysium Island Adventures'

the story was great untill the ending.... that sort of ruined it

Hmm, cut it at the point where the real wife comes in and write a new ending, IMO. The twist destroys the entire mood of the piece, like a bite of sour at the end of a piece of fruit.

But since the ending is the Whole Point of the story, I won't be a changin' it.

for background gop to the Lit Forum, Story Feedback Forum, a thread entitled " is this series played out"

Without being told that "the ending was the Whole Point," it was rather obvious that you were hell-bent on getting to Point B from Point A with no regard for what an incongruous story it made.

Why does Kellie go home in the first place? She's either carrying on with her boss, or her trip is legitimately work-related. In either case, it's implausible that she drops it and races home to look for her passport so she can surprise her husband. Furthermore, what's Kaylee's passport doing at their house? This is inconsistent with her having no travel plans until deciding on a whim to pretend to be Kellie. The answer to both is that without these leaps, the climactic confrontation can't take place. Who cares if it makes sense, reaching the desired destination is all that counts.

Then, after having gone on and on about how Kaylee was in much better shape than Kellie, there's the "Oh, Kellie's apparently been hitting the gym for several months without me noticing, and now I can't tell them apart, even though I'd been able to right up until this very second" moment, without which there could be no "One of them killed the other, but I can't tell which is which!" conclusion.

I could continue, with gripes about the shift in Kaylee's persona, the silly idea that a bikini could be indistinguishable from underwear, and the notion that a guy would wander out of the room rather than break up a violent altercation between his wife and her sister, but I've completely run out of steam.

As always, hon, you wrote a wonderful story! I'm proud to read one of our "contest stories" now! Keep up the wonderful work! You know you have a hooked fan in me!

A machete can't be loaded. It's like a sword/long knife.

I enjoyed the story up until the ending I don't really know why that was necessary, but other than that great story.

Not saying that I don't like it,cause I do even though this is not my tipical idea for a story in this section,I have only this to say:who kiled who?

I would have eaten the victors asshole out. Enjoying the dirty taste. Sucking her bunghole clean.

a good read but the main characters did not even fuck. I hope you are going to write some more of this story so we get to an ending of something like sex.