All Comments on 'Emails Ch. 02'

Hi....... I thoroughly enjoyed both stories. A sequel where they eventually get back together would be nice. More stories from you would be great. Thank you

Definite improvment on the mechanics of your writing.

This time around you did a better job on the story, and it's quite possible it will end up with a better rating, but from my point of view, all you really did was retell the same story, with a few extra details.

I've noticed that some authors like to do this; a sort of "he said, she said" prose where they both more or less say the same thing. Im not a fan of this, and IMO, it really takes more away from a story, rather than adding to it. If you want both characters, or even multiple characters to have a point of view, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and overall it will improve the story. But if all you do is say the same thing using different words or a different perspective, what's the point?

A better way to tell the story using multiple points of view would be to intermingle their actions.

1. Him saying he went to bed after dinner. 2. Her saying she found his open laptop and read the email. 3. Him waking up and returning to the kitchen. 4. Her accusing him of being a cheater.

It all goes back to helping the story flow along.

I hope some of this helps and you don't take it all as just a reader having a bad day and bitching at you.

Compleeter

She deliberately ignored everything around her and no matter how shocked or hurt someone would be after discovering an affair...there would be something that would ask a reasonable explanation...that plus her continued denial that she hurt her husband? She cracked him with a frying pan then kicked him out in subzero weather....what the fuck, did she think it was summertime? And all of a sudden she has a tennis stroke almost as good as Serena Williams and she's NOT playing pro tennis?

the problem is, you made her as contemptible and clueless as possible simply for us to hate her and frankly, the only person I hate is me...for wasting my time on this miserable excuse for a story.

The addition of how the photo shoot happened didn't really contribute much to the overall plot. I already knew that it occurred in Chapter 1. How it happened doesn't seem very important to the plot.

Read the comment about getting back together talk about retarded.

Part 2 was a rehash of the original story, and I'm curious as to what happened after the divorce.

Did the District Attorney seek charges against her for assault, or did he sue her for physical damages?

With as much permanent damage as he will have to live with, she should get at least 5 years in prison,or five hundred thousand in civil court.

You seem to have the will and the interest..

A nice start, both to this story, and to your work on this site. Unlike some, I enjoy the "he said/she said" stories. So many of these LW stories turn not just on communication - or the lack thereof - but how we perceive the world around us. It's interesting to see the slight differences that can mean so much.

I agree this story could use third chapter. It hangs together pretty well now, but I guess it's natural to ask what happened next. What happens is, of course, your choice, but If Mark and AJ were to get back together, it would be a tougher job for you. It's the old LW dilemma: generating sympathy for one character without having the offending partner go so far that the relationship can't be saved without sacrificing the story. To have Mark turn around and accept her back would risk robbing the story of validity. Let time pass, have her suffer or make some sacrifice of her own. Or just let them part. Which ever way it goes, thank you for this story.

I feel a tad cheated. There was very little of her reasoning in this. She tells the five-oh that Mark swung on her first in the same manner one might order coffee while distracted. There was no motivation mentioned for her bald faced lie. Nor was it mentioned again. She loved Mark no more than I love my boss, even less probably. If someone I "love" is in the hospital I think I can at least find out the reason and severity.

I had hoped when the origial tale ended on page one, and there was a link for page 2 I was going to hear her lamenations, or at least some level of involvement by the law. Domestic violence isn't only charged to men, nor is assault and battery. This could have been so much more than just a rehash. Keep that in mind for future tales.

Enough said (oh, one star).

Sometimes, Anon gets it exactly right. Well, except that without the (otherwise unnecessary) staging part, we have no 'new' erotic action in this saga. PLEASE let it end here...the story is OK as-is (it really was after part 1, also)! Not asking for you to stop contributing, just move on to different stories with different characters! I cannot see either Mark's or her future directions being anything but an anticlimax (no pun intended, kinda.)

It does give some clue about the reason she acted the way she did i.e her father cheating but nothing else here furthers much. My suggestion is if you want to continue this don't make it a long series, maybe write a longer chapter and finish it.if they get back together make it believable where she has to work on her issues and also find a way to make mark want to have her. She would need to show real devotion to him and it cannot be cheesy.

Well if you wanted most of the readers to hate the wife even more then you have done exactly that. The story is well written but as others have said the story hasn't moved on, at least not much. Okay so the wife now knows she fucked up, sorry but too little too late. If there is a part three I am curious to know where you take the story, I don't really see how you could somehow get these two back together again, but then stranger things have happened. Anyway thank you for the story.

I liked your first story pretty much. It was a fun story. However, as everyone else has said, this story just didn't do much. It gave the wife's perspective, but it didn't give much insight into her character. It did show why she was so sensitive and over-the-top with her reaction to the perceived cheating. It also confirmed that she didn't cheat herself (at least not technically). However, it did show that she pretty easily got excited with her friend's boyfriend on top of her (kind of non sequiter to the story, except that it was the only marginally psuedo-erotic moment in either story). It also showed that she really had virtually no concern over hubby's injuries (so she's a bitch and/or over-the-top furious-we get it). It also showed that she was an easy and casual liar (kind of knew that already from the first story). In a longer story, the "her version" can be helpful; especially when there were gaps that needed filling. In your original, there just weren't any gaps.

You could have done this "her version" effectively, if you had explored her motivation for her violent reaction in more detail (besides daddy being a serial cheater-maybe she's been down this road before in other relationships, etc.), or if you had advanced the story beyond the point of hubby's divorcing wife. Maybe you could have explored her facing criminal sanctions, going to counselling, seeing hubby moving on. Asking him to go to counselling with her to help her. Her doing some kind of penance. Maybe a reconciliation, or maybe a clearing of the air conversation between the two many months later.

I know I'm not adding much to what other commentators said. But, I hope you take the comments as most have intended them-as constructive criticism. I like this genre, and think you could have a lot to offer with further stories.

I think this has furthered the story. But still, saying you are sorry does not make up for the loss of body parts. :)

why did you bother posting this? it is simply e repeat of the first part. also, your postings are far enough apart that the reader has to go back to remind themselves what the story is even about.

I enjoyed your first story from the husband's POV. Reading the same thing from the wife's POV is nearly ALWAYS a mistake. There is very little more that can be added by changing POVs after the story is told. It all sounds repetitious (because it is) and makes it kind of tedious to follow along just to fill in a few inconsequential facts. Lots of others have said nearly the same thing so time to move on with a new story and new characters. Probably not much more can be done with these two.

Looking forward to the next story.

And I also like this one. What the author attempted to do and did very well was to let us see the events from the wife's viewpoint. As many of you have said, it didn't bring anything new. But I think it did. We knew all of the events from the original story but until reading this we knew only the husbands feelings and emotions about the incident. We came away from the first part not liking the wife very much and considering her to be that creature we hate the most. A selfish compassionless bitch. With the new material we can see things from her side and while our opinions on her may not change, we can also see that in the end she did suffer. It was her own fault of course. I liked this part at least as much as the original. Great job. This is a really tough thing to do folks so give him a break. We already knew what happened so his skill lay in writing the differences between how the husband and the wife saw the same events. He did this really well. SS06

No need for me to repeat what most everyone said (I agree with them). But a third part might be good to bring closure to the elements of the story. Right now, we have a divorce filing, extreme cruelty being the reason, with just a lot of loose ends and no resolution. AJ reasons that Mark won't use her affidavit against her (since he's always been a loving husband).

Well, Mark thought AJ would never become violent and attempt to murder him in their own home over a phony email. He learned differently the hard way. No way could he ever feel safe with her, no matter how much "therapy" she might undergo. As another pointed out, this is domestic violence, only it was committed by a crazed woman with a weapon and the element of surprise, rather than by a man with his fists.

Were I Mark, I would use it against her plenty. AJ belongs in some type of lock up -- she is clearly a danger to others per her behavior. Maybe the lock-up ward of the nearest full-service looney bin. I don't see any other sensible option. Reviewing her reasoning (if one can even call it that), it is clear that AJ is not particularly bright. "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent," (Isaac Asimov, Foundation), sums it up. No way can Mark logically (or illogically) reconcile with a wife who might have killed him because he was the accidental victim of a mistakenly-sent email.

The wife is as dumb as a box of rocks to not realize she is the one who caused the injuries, although why the idiot husband did not go to a neighbors house to get in out of the cold is beyond me. If he reconciles with her he is beyond stupid, as this soon to be ex wife is everything in a woman you want to stay a long way away from.

Thanks for sharing.

this is one of the best storys on here

I agree that she should have realized she was the one that hurt her husband.

I think she should have a real revenge f**k with Joe just to pay Irene back for her stupid idea. I think Joe might prefer her over Irene.

hehe

John

I want to believe that a strong marriage can survive a single incident of violence.

Mark would need someone who loves him as he goes on in life, and he must be convinced that there is remorse , and proper atonement for her actions.

Lots of luck trying to end this in a way most would accept.

what a strong marriage has is respect for each other. not some crazy bitch hiting you with a frying pan over a type-o. He's fucked for life and your sorry, next she would have killed his mom because she didn't baby sit.

Mc your F@#$ing insane to characterize being hit in the head with a frying pan by someone with a 100 mph+ seerve a simple single incident. I like a nice reconciliation as much as anyone but someone flies off the handle and tries to kill me without giving me a chance to explain the misunderstanding I think our relationship has problems a few counciling sessions can fix.

Technically she could have been charged with aggravated assualt or if he had died in the below freezing night he had to flee into then it would have been manslaughter posibly with drepraved indifference as she left him to die.

As you just covered things that had already been told in part one. I would of rather seen what had happened after Mark divorced the crazy bitch. For example he goes to police and has her charged with assault or attempted murder, she goes to prison and he gets to keep the house. Upon release she is attacked and has her elbow broken in three places meaning that she will never be able to play tennis again.

What we actually got was a rerun of part one so this gets a three star rating.

among the people who are wrong TK U MLJ LV NV

I was trying to think about what was missing in the husband's reason for divorce and then it came to me. You mentioned that he was divorcing because she did not believe him. There is no mention in the story though about the fact that she had absolutely no business reading any e-mails on his work account. That snooping should have been reason enough to assume she had no trust to begin with.

Like this story needs an Ending. Both storys end at the same place if she was really remorseful would'nt she try to talk to him and convince him she will be better and get treatment for her obvious Anger issues with Men.

They both move on. AJ marries Joe (see "Faithfulness in Fargo") and Mark moves to South Dakota and gets engaged to Stacy (see "SASG")

she lied to the police and committed criminal assault and signed that she did. He needed to press criminal and civil charges on her and sue her for recovery of medical expenses, time lost from work, and damages. Be realistic here.

...acting like a headstrong 4 year-old. Are the women in your life really this stupid?

were the panties

loves to gobble cocks, goddamn wierdo! Get thee to Gay Male ----> you damn cock-gobbler!

Both ended at the same time. Just a rehash from her point of view. Now what?

He should have taken everything in civil court and their divorce after putting her in jail first.

I second chapter was supposed to give the soon to be ex-wife's and it did to a very little extent mainly it just rehashed what we already knew in the first chapter. But worst of all it didn't began to explain where she would go next and therefore gave absolutely not closure for the story.

I do like your sparse style.

The facts and/or fictions of the story are more than enough for this reader to visualise

your author type intentions.

I over reacted...I didn't mean it. Oh Well, TK U MLJ LV NV

AJ is pregnant??? sounds like a deal... Let's have a third chapter ... OK???

Where's the rest of it? Where is the part where she is so distraught about what she did that she kills herself? That's what I want to see.

So what? Why write this.

Pure and simple. Also suffer a hugh lawsuit.

that wrote this less than 1 star crapola.

maybe it is a wimp auto-bio

1 star, 1*, that is more than enuff for wimp, cuck writers like this one.

Has no additional info than part 1. It's the same as part 1. The wife tells the exact same story, so why write part two?

There was nothing new, nothing added?!

But, if possible, he should sue the shit out of her and never take the bitch back no matter how much he thinks he loves her. She might go off on him again sometime for a real or imagined transgression and actually kill him the next time. And for sure, divorce her ass.

Chapter 2 was a rip-off and unfair to the readers. Better you should have given us an Epilogue and tell how things turned out. We think we know HOW they should have turned out, maybe you could enlighten us. (We know it is just a STORY, these are all stories, that is why we are reading them and are not being in them.)

Oops, I didn't notice the Chapter 2 right away. I read the story without having read chapter 1. It's a good stand alone story. Now I will go back to reading the first chapter.

.??

This was just a repeat of ch-01

I always hate follow on chapters from the other person's perspective as they're usually just a rehash of the original. This one proved to be the same.

This story was uncalled for as all it did was repeat what had happened in the first chapter. She's not really remorseful and she should be headed for jail. What was the point of getting her written statement if he isn't going to use it against her? For someone that's never going to walk properly again and may have other serious issues with his head, he doesn't seem angry enough.

What the frack!!!! So you gave her side of the story. It included her ACTUALLY cheating on the poor dope and you LEFT IT HANGING!

ONE STAR AND A SPOT OF THE FTDS WALL OF SHAME!

repeat repeat

Because I wrote the wrong reason down before I put my brain to use...when I closed out of the story here...I so their was a part 2...The author did finish this story...but just a little weak to me...but it was finished...and I'm going to Apologise to this Author... I was wrong in jumping to think You didn't finish this story...You did an I was wrong...

Andy B

need FTDS for this one you lame writer

He can't even be in the same room with his wife? The guy is a pussy.

Mark is wise to cut his loses while still young enough to start over.

If anyone reads the comments first don't bother with this one. Its pretty much 98.99% the same as the previous chapter.

I detest authors who are so lazy they pretty much copy and paste and call it chapter 2 or a different pov.

So with her written statement, why wouldn't the police be brought back into this situation? It would make divorce so much easier if she was in prison for causing great bodily harm, mutilating him. That's something that the author could have out into this part to be able to say he added something to part 1. As it stands, this is just a repeat of chapter 1.

More abusive comments, that are uncalled for. This is a story about a mild mannered guy, not a wimp, and a highly competitive athletic woman. Whether he ever brought criminal charges against her for domestic abuse is another story. The divorce is a civil matter, and he used her abuse, so he is a wimp??? There are really more losers out there than I thought. Good story line and editing. Keep writing.

XYZ

What was the point of this chapter? It was nothing more than a retelling of chapter 1, and added exactly nothing to the story.

more crap. ☆

A rehash of the the first chapter, not an FTDS! Now, try again to FTDS!

Very poor ending. Mote dialog from AJ is needed. You changed a 5 start to a week 4 star.

Intriguing can't wait for the next chapters

🙈🙉🙊

It had possibilities. Then the ending crashed and burned.

Unless Part 2 is a bridge to a more interesting Part 3, the author should have quit after Part 1. Now the wife is not only a hothead and a liar, she's also a cheating POS who has no qualms about betraying either her husband or her about to be a bride friend. The need for karmic justice is strong here .

No additional insight was brought forth in this supposed point of you by the wife. Totally redundant and a waste of time. There might be more written about the story, but doesn't appear the writer is intending on extending the story.