All Comments on 'Entering Emma'

Since you asked: less verbage in the descriptive would be an improvement (to many adjectives piled atop one another). Seems to distract from the hurried lust of the moment.

And better use of paragraphs. Often, you've put the comment from one character into the other's paragraph.

Spelling is generally fine.

You have the makingd of a good writer. Like the other reader said you shoult stick to the basis of the story. To be a good or great writer you don't need to use big words. I found myself losing interest. You need to focus on your readers, by keeping them locked in to the story. keep the lust building and keep drawing the reader in.

I saw nothing wrong with the story except that you hadn't yet posted a sequel. If you are going to make this a series, you had better have them moving out eventually and forgetting the pill at some point. Very sexy story with great possibilities for more! Thanks and keep writing!

You are really good at both description and imagery, and have a confident use of the right words in plenty of variety. (Don't cut down.) I think you could do character very well, though there's not so much opportunity for it coming out in a short, hard adventure like this. The pacing could be worked on a little, which would require thought and re-reading. My primary complaint is about superficial things - don't just bang out the words, but care where punctuation goes and spend time rethinking it - and above all, let us know who's speaking. You have paragraphs of speech and paragraphs where people's names are used, and nothing to connect them. That makes it hard to follow, and several times I had to duck back and try to work out who had been saying what. Write: "Blah, blah," said Emma. Then Emma did this and that. Her actions and her speech belong together; then if there's a different paragraph it should be because it's a different speaker, unless you're _very_ clear in signalling otherwise. Keep going! You've got plenty of talent, and the erotic vision and smell is strong.

And, considering that I have read at least ten thousand incest tales, "pretty good" is a high complement! I guess I most agree with the comment by Dirty_Old_Man3. I think you should crank out more chapters about these two, and the sooner the better. You have a fine talent for writing sibling incest tales and we appreciate your sharing it with us.

And, considering that I have read at least ten thousand incest tales, "pretty good" is a high compliment! I guess I most agree with the comment by Dirty_Old_Man3. I think you should crank out more chapters about these two, and the sooner the better. You have a fine talent for writing sibling incest tales and we appreciate your sharing it with us.

The story has me wanting to know more about the brother and sister. As to why they are living together and no parents are mentioned. Are they going to become husband and wife and raise a family. I hope to see another chapter that will answer some of the open issues. Thanks for the very good story.....Rich

This is a great start. However one thing to remember is that this is erotica and not harlequin romance, so please no more references to his 'swollen member'. It's really unnecessary when cock will do just fine.

Interesting comments from the readers below. Big problem with Americans - they have a real problem understanding English! The parents were mentioned, right at the start. They were going away leaving the older brother 'in charge'. I found this to be as much as anything a romantic story, as much as either an incest or a raunchy one. If you want to describe a penis as a 'throbbing member', please go right ahead. Sometimes I feel there is too much of the dick, fuck and so-on, to the cost of 'making love' etc. So I thank you for your story and may you write many more. Regards, Michael

Interesting comments from the readers below. Big problem with Americans - they have a real problem understanding English! The parents were mentioned, right at the start. They were going away leaving the older brother 'in charge'. I found this to be as much as anything a romantic story, as much as either an incest or a raunchy one. If you want to describe a penis as a 'throbbing member', please go right ahead. Sometimes I feel there is too much of the dick, fuck and so-on, to the cost of 'making love' etc. So I thank you for your story and may you write many more. Regards, Michael

Well done, please keep on writing more parts to this story. It is too good to end here.

I love reading this story, it is fantastic. I hope you will write another chapter to it soon.

"entered her perfect corridor" I liked the story but bear in mind sometimes less is more.

the idea of Emma always loving 'ake"--especially him getting to deflower her and make her his--because that's what she wanted. Well done. 5

lovely story.....well written