All Comments on 'Envelopes for Slave'

This is an erotically hot story, only, I would try writing it from the 3rd person instead of the 2nd person, she instead of you. Also, you continually switch from your point of view to her point of view. The omniscient point of view is the most difficult to successfully write and you do that unsuccessfully. You continually knock the reader out of your story.

Nonetheless, this is a story that has good bones to it. It is different and you can rewrite it so that it rates really well in this category. Good job.