Faithfulness Ch. 02

"Before he tried to have sex with his beautiful and tempting daughter?" The Pastor said. He then continued, "There were some warning signs. I don't usually discuss what I talk about with others, not even their wives. But this does seem to be a special circumstance, so maybe I can say something. I know Rob is your best friend, though, did he ever mention to you thoughts of fucking his daughter, of being seduced by her big breasts?" Sometimes the Pastor would talk plainly about sex, part of his policy of complete honesty. It was always a little jarring to me. Although I knew he only meant to talk directly, sometimes it felt as though he wanted to place sexual thoughts in our heads! As if he was trying to inspire dangerous ideas, but I couldn't imagine why he'd want to do that!

I said, "Rob did tell me that he was concerned about how Chastity dressed so provocatively. He mentioned that she would even walk around the house naked, or near naked, I'm not sure which. He never said anything about wanting her, though. I think even though we were best friends and talked about everything, I can see how he would not want to admit that, even to me." The Pastor nodded understandingly.

The Pastor said, "Yes, yes. I see. Well, I think I can tell you that up until he left on that trip, he had come her to my office and confessed that he did in fact want to fuck his own daughter. He confessed that even though he was her father, he could see that she was hot and fuckable and, he had made up in his mind that it was unfair that every man in the world was allowed, by society's rules, to fuck his daughter, but he wasn't because he was her father. I think he was possibly spying on her and masturbating."

"I see," I said quietly. "So, he didn't just snap one day. It built up. Maybe what I'm doing is building up toward needing sex more and more until I can't control it. And yet if I think of stopping masturbating, of having no release, I think I will go mad that way. Oh, Pastor, what should I do?" The Pastor seemed to think long about my question. I looked up, and I could clearly see on his face that he was weighing whether or not he would advise for or against it.

"I think that's between you and God," The Pastor said. "I've often found out for myself that whatever way things go, it turns out that God made it go that way so that I could be on an even better path. I think if you go back to trying to live without sexual release, the situation in your marriage will continue to be good for me, sorry, I mean for you. Also, however, if you keep trying to find answers, then it will be revealed that a new and equally satisfying situation will be the result. God always makes sure the right things happen. One of the reasons my life is so much better than anyone else is that I have learned to accept God's decisions. You have to as well."

As always, the Pastor's advice was wise and thoughtful. I got up to leave his office, feeling like I had gained some good and Godly perspective. Then, just before I opened the door to leave, I turned to The Pastor and said, "Pastor, do you remember Charles?"

The Pastor looked up and to the side and then said, "Charles, Charles. Ah yes, the boy in your Bible study group back in high school. The one that suddenly ran away. I haven't heard that name in many years, not since I counseled his parents. Oh, I wish I could have prevented their divorce, I tried my best. His mother managed to move on to a better life, but I couldn't stop his father from falling into such a state, homeless and destitute. So sad. Why do you ask?"

"It's just," I paused because I wasn't really sure why the thought had occurred to me. "His disappearance was so sudden and strange too. And he also had a video, that one where he," I stopped because I didn't really want to speak of it. What he did in that video was an incredible act of humiliation, it made it so no one wanted to really talk about him.

"The one where he masturbated while pleading for his girlfriend to love him?" The Pastor said, to confirm what we both were speaking of. I nodded. The Pastor said, "Did you watch it to the end?"

"Not all the way," I said, "When I realized what he was going to when he, uh, ejaculated, I couldn't watch. The thing is, don't you think it's a little similar to Rob? They both seemed totally normal, and then suddenly they disappear, and there's a video that damns their reputation completely. Both of them in such disgrace that they can't show up in our community again. Why would it happen twice?"

"Charles certainly wasn't the only problem at the school," The Pastor said. "Not when you were there, not ever. Do you remember that poor child Brian who committed suicide just before you graduated? He left a video professing his love for, Cindy I think it was. When you have a high school, it's inevitable that you have a lot of problem students. And in life, too, people have their troubles. If people didn't have their challenges, faith would be easy! Hahahah!" The Pastor laughed to make light of it, but he could see I wasn't convinced, so he went on. "Steve, look, think of how you, a good and pious Christian man, struggle so hard to stay the path. Now imagine that everyone is struggling the same. And then realize that it's the exception, not the rule, for mankind to avoid falling from grace. You should be surprised that not everyone without the same devotion as you or I goes mad or kills themselves when they realize how far from God's Glory they are. It's harsh reality, but God's tests are truly hard, and they challenge our very lives, they aren't just little games."

I said, "So even though Charles and Rob were very similar, and similar to me, you think it's not something about us that made them go crazy?" The Pastor nodded solemnly.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," The Pastor said wisely. "I take in boys like you and Rob and Charles because you seem ready to accept the Word, the real Word, the faith I teach, not the loose and so called "modern" teachings of churches that want to let people do whatever they want. But even though I'm selective about who I share God's true power with, and I do my best to try and help them, it's always going to be easier for men to be flawed. I had very high hopes for Rob and Charles, and many others, but, in the end, it's up to them. They just couldn't handle the dedication it takes to live inside God's shining light.

I went home, and I was fortunate that Katie had decided I was allowed some release that night. Just before bed, she let me masturbate while looking at her as she wore sexy lingerie, a black corset and thigh high stockings. I never lasted very long, and I got a little spurt of cum on her shoe, so she spanked me with the paddle severely afterward. She threatened to make me lick it off her shoe in the future, but I knew she must be kidding. That would be going way to far to make a man do anything like that! Hahahaha!

After she paddled me and she got ready for bed, I got down on my knees and prayed hard as to what I wanted to do. I felt so much better after Katie paddled me and let me have some release. But, it seemed that all the temporary release I got would soon be replaced by a lust that was even stronger than before. I worried I was now addicted to this feeling, because I knew there was no way I was going to go back to how things were before. And then, God revealed to me an idea. I had to find Rob! I was making all sorts of choices in life about what had happened to him fearing ending up where he did, and I didn't even know his side of the story! My best friend, and I had discarded him like everyone else in the community! I wasn't being a good Christian at all by turning my back on my friend.

However, God revealed to me a strange feeling, a sense that I should not tell anyone that I was looking to find Rob! I don't know why, but I felt that if I told the Pastor, then he would give me wise counsel about how to go about it, but then, it would be him deciding how I should approach Rob, and I think God was telling me that this had to be entirely my journey. For me to know what was best for my soul, it had to be me who worked it out. And if I couldn't tell the Pastor what I was doing, I couldn't tell anyone else, because, everyone told The Pastor everything! Everyone trusted him so much, and they would just be worried about me, but in the end it would just be the Pastor in control. Of course, I trusted him, but, I would tell him everything after I spoke to Rob.

If I could find him. I didn't know how I would be able to find him any better than the police who must have searched for him. Or did they? He was last seen on some island, where who knows what the laws are. Anyway, I would tell everyone I was on a business trip, and see what I could accomplish.

At next night's dinner, I said "I have to go on a small business trip, just for a week or so."

Simon asked casually, "Oh, where are you going?" I knew that I had to lie, and Lord forgive me, I hated to lie, but in this case, I felt God Himself had inspired my plan, and so God would understand that I needed to do what I needed to do to go and do it.

"Actually, I don't know yet," I said. "The company needs me to do some consulting on site with some clients, but they have branches all over the U.S., and even internationally. They haven't told me yet which I'm going to. But, I should be in touch by email or text most of the time, when I'm not working." I saw Katie looking right at me, and I felt she could see right through my eyes, into my soul, and knew I was lying. She knew me better than I knew myself. But, after a few tense moments when I thought she might say something accusing, instead she suddenly looked relaxed.

"Okay dear," she said. "We'll miss you, but, I hope you have a safe journey."

Before my trip, I did a little digging around. I couldn't talk to anyone in the community for fear they would tell the Pastor. I went to the police, and asked them if they had any idea of where he was, since I knew Maggie and Chastity had spoken to the police when they got back. I pleaded my case to an officer who was a member of our congregation, and I convinced him that as Rob's best friend, I just wanted to help him, and if I found Rob, I would try my best to convince him to turn himself in. I also swore the officer to secrecy, saying I didn't want anyone knowing where I was going. He agreed, and he also confided in me, saying police don't usually give out this information. It wasn't technically breaking the rules, there's nothing against telling someone information if they might be an informant who could help, but he said it just wasn't normal procedure.

He showed me flights that Rob had taken from where he was dong charitable home building in Eastern Europe. I did similar work, though in the very bottom of South America, which sounds good, but it was incredibly desolate. Rob had gone to meet his wife somewhere in the Caribbean, but after a point, he took a private flight and no one knows which one or where it went. I decided I would go to the last part of Rob's known journey, and start from there.

All my friends, and the Pastor, and my family, arranged a little going away party for me, and it was really wonderful. So much love. The Pastor said he would watch my wife and daughter while I was away, and I thought about how lucky I am to have such support. As I left on an airplane the next day, I thought about how Rob must have been fighting such powerful demons to have acted in a way that he knew would sacrifice such an amazing life.

I felt like some kind of detective from an old movie, going around different tropical islands with a picture of Rob, asking if people had seen him. Everyone I showed the picture to not only didn't recognize him, as soon as they saw him, they would pull away, as if they did know who he was but didn't want to say. Or at least, that's how I felt, probably because my frustration was making me see things in a negative light. After nearly a week, hopping between different island, I felt I was wasting my time, and the whole idea seemed silly. How was I going to track down Rob when the police couldn't? I thought I should just cut my vacation off and go home. My beautiful wife - and daughter - oh, and of course my son, were there, as well as a huge loving community. What did I really hope to learn from the man who rejected it all?

Then, a miracle happened. I can only describe it as a miracle, because God must have set it up. Just as I was completely sure I was wasting time, and about to give up, I was sitting at a bar planning to catch a flight as soon as I could arrange one the next morning, and a man comes up to me at the bar. He stares straight at me for a long time, and I couldn't ignore him, so I turned and looked right back at him. I realized he was familiar. He was very haggard looking, with a beard and hair that was a little unkempt, and his clothing was like someone who maybe explored the jungles or something. He was so different, but the more I looked at him, I realized who he was.

"Charles!" I exclaimed out loud! "But that's, that's, how did, where did, this is insane!" he looked back at me as if he also had to confirm who I was.

"Steve?" He finally said, "It is you! It is! I can't believe it! I heard on one of the other islands about an American searching for the same man I was! I thought it would be a police officer or private detective or something, but it's you!"

"But," I said, "what are you doing here? How on Earth is it that you're here on these islands the same time as me?"

"The same reason you're here!" Charles said, "I'm looking for Rob! I heard about what happened, and I had to come find him. I think he might be able to finally help me expose the Pastor!" His words were so unexpected to me, so completely outside of my thinking, that I blinked and shook my head as I tried to process them. Expose the Pastor, he said. What did mean by expose? That was just insane talk. And then I realized Charles had run away, and his life since then must have been very difficult, and maybe he wasn't completely sane. He could see the thought process, and he shook his head as if he knew exactly how difficult it would be to convince him.

"You still believe in him, of course," Charles said with his voice sounded deflated, "you don't know all that he's done, all the lives he's ruined, all the evil that he's done with his 'angels' as he calls them. He set me up, Steve. That video, I know you saw it, the one where I humiliated myself as much as a man can possibly humiliate himself. Don't deny you watched it. He made me do it, Steve. He made me do it, and then he brought me to some island in this area. He kept me prisoner there for years. And then, I escaped. Barely. I escaped out onto the island, and I would have just been caught again, but there was a small fishing boat, not much more than a canoe, thrown together then abandoned by some natives, and I rowed out into the ocean. But, you can't just row across the ocean! The islands seem so close when you fly between them, but when you're starving and tired and have been tortured by humiliation after humiliation for years, you can't just row to another island. I didn't even know what direction to go. I passed out, and the tide carried me for days, and then a fishing ship picked me up."

I couldn't believe his story, but he was so sincere, that if he was telling me a story, he was mad enough to believe it. He went on, saying, "For years, I tried to move on with my life and just forget about what he did to me and the life I left behind. I thought many times about going back, and believe me, I came close. But, I knew that he controlled everyone, and if I went back, I would just be caught up again. Then I heard about Rob, and I remembered what good friends we were, and I realized couldn't let The Pastor continue to ruin people's lives. I've been trying to find the island again. He has a prison there, the one where he keeps men. If I could photograph it, tell the police where it is, then maybe I could bring the whole thing down."

"The whole thing?" I repeated. "Charles, are you sure you aren't just blaming the Pastor for the troubles you've had? I'm sure whatever you went through that made you run away was very traumatic, but," Then Charles cut me off.

"I DIDN'T RUN AWAY!" he yelled, and then he looked around the room, worried he might have brought too much attention. "I know you don't believe what I'm saying. And if I told him the truth about what he was doing with all our girlfriends, I bet you're married to, was it Katie? If only you knew the truth, but if I tell you you definitely wouldn't believe me." I was about to ask him what it was I should know about Katie, but he put up a hand to stop me and he kept talking, saying, "No, you just won't accept it, and if I tell you, you might even get angry enough to not want to come with me."

"Go with you where?" I asked.

"To get Rob," Charles said, and he looked like he had just played his trump card. "Just before I heard you were also on these islands, I met an old man who knew which island the Pastor has his, property shall we say. He says no one wants to talk about or go near the island because it's dangerous, but I bribed him enough that he's going to take me there. And you can come to! You'll see everything! I won't have to explain it to you, you'll understand what you're dealing with. Just, prepare to be shocked, to have your whole world turned upside down!" I looked at him, and I was sure he was insane and everything he was implying about the Pastor not being who I thought he was was obviously a delusion. But, he might nonetheless have found Rob, and I might get some answers of some kind.

"When do we leave?" I said. Charles smiled broadly. He seemed happy to have the chance to prove himself right, to finally have someone believe what he said.

"Tonight, under cover of darkness," he said. Soon after, I went back to my room to gather some things and dress for a covert night mission, though I wasn't totally sure what was appropriate except dark clothing. He said we should come back before dawn, because it would be too risky to be near the island in daylight. He was at another hotel, so he picked up in a taxi, and we went to a run down fishing village with a dock that was barely holding together. There, an old man on a fishing boat met us, we climbed aboard, and were soon out in the darkness over the water. We went at high speed for a couple hours, and then, the man on the boat turned off the lights, and slowed the motor, and I could feel him turning the boat one way and then another through the darkness. I had no idea how he was able to tell which way to go, but soon, we were coming up to a beach.

It looked like a private beach for a luxurious hotel. There was a small cliff, and above it was flat grass. The fisherman came right up to shore, cutting his engines and using momentum for the last leg, and Charles and I were able to jump onto the sandy beach. We kept low, as if that made us less conspicuous, but no one seemed to be around. We went up to the grassy area, and I could see a pool, an outdoor lounge area. It was very beautiful and looked incredibly expensive. I was expecting some kind of dungeon or fortress or something. I thought Charles must have the completely wrong idea. I looked at him, wondering if I should risk my voice being heard to ask him if he was sure this was the right place. But, he waved me over to a sort of stone bunker near a palm tree. It looked a little out of place from the incredibly modern style of the rest of the building. It looked like it had been there long before the hotel.

"There's another entrance from within the hotel," Charles whispered, and as he spoke he lifted up a wooden hatch, like a trap door, on the top, "but this is another entrance. It's the one I escaped out of. Quick, get in." I hesitated, because I felt we were crossing the line from two men who had wandered into the wrong hotel grounds, and if I bought a drink, they'd probably let me sit at the bar, to trespassing. "Come on, come on! They have guards around, even at night!" I decided to go for it, I had come all this way, and I climbed in. There was a ladder going down into darkness, and I'm not claustrophobic, but I think anyone would feel a little uneasy about climbing down an unknown hatch into complete darkness. I looked up to see if Charles was following, but then he said, "Shit, a guard! Go! Take pictures!" and then he closed the hatch. I was in complete darkness.