Falling Off My Pedestal

I fought with both sides of the question regarding Cynthia going to the banquet. On one side, the topic of inherent racism made me question societal and religious hypocrisy. On the other side, the topic of fidelity in pre-marital dating made me question what level of commitment the couple should maintain. Cyn exposed the raw reality to me like no one else had before. I even questioned whether Bryan was secretly dating someone while he was away at college. Or maybe even multiple someones. I kept going back to my mother's experience where she broke up with her longtime boyfriend to be with my dad. I thought about Cyn and Richard. It was Richard who wanted to get married even though he was joining the Navy. Cyn was not quite so convinced that she wanted to marry that soon. She wondered if Cyn really didn't want to get married at all and was just using the date with Carter to distance herself from Richard. Getting back to myself, I questioned whether Bryan and I were on the track to a firm commitment, engagement or marriage.

The saga continued with Cyn as the banquet neared. She kept me updated about how she was going to keep the fact from Richard. I mentioned again that if it was so innocent then why was it that important to keep it from him. Of course, we had rehashed this argument too much, so I let it go. I saw her the following day and she seemed a little reluctant to talk about the banquet. After some coaxing, she finally said that she would tell me after school. I could hardly wait to hear what that was all about. I wondered if Richard had found out and they had a fight.

After school we got together.

"Ok, Cyn. What's wrong. Was the banquet a bust?"

"No. Uh, quite the opposite. Carter won several awards. He was so happy and his teammates were so supportive of him."

"Ok, what else. You seem kind of on edge."

"Uh, uh. It is what happened after the banquet. He said that we could go somewhere and talk. I was okay with that and we were in a local lovers lane. You know the place? Probably not. Anyway, he asked if he could kiss me. I was okay with that. And then, you know one thing led to another and we ended up having sex in the back seat."

"Oh, my god, Cyn. What were you thinking?"

"I know, I know. But it was wonderful. Richard and I have been having lots of sex. But with Carter, it was something completely different. I have read about women having orgasms. With Richard, all I got was a little tingle and then he finished. With Carter, oh my god. I had orgasms. Lots of them. He made me feel like my pussy was on fire. He was so much bigger than Richard and he knew how to hit the right spots. I came so much that I thought I was going to pass out."

I was stunned. How could I keep this conversation up with her? I needed to condemn her actions. Yet, I could only listen. She made it sound so wonderful. I knew that I was in a place where I could not preach to her. I felt myself getting warm and wet in my panties. It was like a double taboo. First, she was already having sex with her boyfriend. Then, she now had been with another guy. Then, in our small southern town, interracial dating was still looked down on. I was more conflicted in that it was exciting me to hear Cyn's story. The way she was describing sex with Carter just made me wonder what I was missing. It was at that point that I started softening my inherited views about illicit sex.

Following Cyn's revelation, I began to have fantasies about what it would feel like to have a man inside me. The way she described the orgasms incited me to masturbate more and more. I could cum on my fingers. I wondered if having intercourse was going to be much better. The discrepancy of Cyn's orgasms with Richard vs. Carter confused me even more. I tried to put the thoughts out of my mind and focus on my upbringing and my parent's expectations for me. I would be messing up everything if I engaged in premarital sex. But that was my mind talking. My body wanted to be loved. At least that is what I disguised it as. Later, I would be able to come to grips with what the true and pure motivation was.

Bryan came home for the weekend not long after that. When we went to the movies, we often visited the many lover's lanes outside of town. We just talked and kissed a little. Friday night when he picked me up, I scooted near him as he drove. We were going to go to a typical high school eating out place to have a quick dinner and then decide what to do next. After eating burgers, we drove around for a while talking. When he headed toward one of our favorite parking spots, I became more excited than normal.

He kissed me as soon as we got parked. I kissed him back much more eagerly than I normally would. To Bryan it signaled a change in our petting. He quickly picked up on the intensity of my kiss and held me tighter. After exchanging a few more passionate kisses, he placed his hand on my knee. I rubbed his arm to encourage him. When I kissed him again, I placed my hand behind his neck and thrust my tongue into his mouth. He responded the same way and we tongue danced through many more kisses. He moved his mouth to my neck and kissed me along the top of my dress. I reached for his other hand and placed it on the swell of my full breast. Surprised but not reluctant, he began massaging my breast as I let out a small moan signifying my acceptance of his advances. He touched my knee again and I spread my legs allowing him to move further up my thighs. As surprised as he was, he wasn't to let this opportunity go to waste.

He moved his hand up the inside of my thighs until he was nearly to my rather unsexy panties. He seemed to be waiting for a stop sign. I didn't know how to proceed. My pussy said one thing but my mind was telling me I had to stop. I couldn't act like he was violating me for I had encouraged his touch. When he reached the elastic on my panties, he was truly uncertain of how to proceed. But he managed to stave off any reluctance. I spread my legs further apart and mewed my approval as he outlined my vaginal lips with his fingers. I hiked my dress up above my waist and allowed him to rub me without my skirt interfering. As he rubbed my slit, I was wet and running through the thin material. I moved my hips further down into the seat and was just in my panties allowing him to fully move up and down my puffy lips. He moved up and was about to reach inside the top of my panties. I held his hand and moved it back to my pussy, guiding him to my aching clitoris. When he located the hard nub, I groaned and sighed. He knew enough to continue rubbing the little man as I began bucking my hips to his rhythm. Then, I came and screamed. I tried to stifle myself, but the sound echoed through his truck. I straightened my legs and held his hand tightly to my pussy.

When my orgasm finally subsided, I removed his hand and lowered my skirt.

"Oh, god, Baby. I am so sorry." I said to him.

"Sorry?"

"I shouldn't have done that. That is so forbidden."

He was still breathing hard. "I am so glad we did that. You are so passionate tonight. I love you."

There was the key to the start of our sexual relationship. The "I LOVE YOU" sealed the deal as it does for all first-time sexual partners. At least young ones as I have found. With that one proclamation, we were off and running. At that time, I was uncertain how to progress. I knew that I couldn't leave him hanging but I was not ready for sex. I had to let my training cap the onset of actual sex. Otherwise, I would regret it and think of myself as a slut. Slowly, gently, I touched the outside of his pants. I could feel the fullness of his cock as it strained to get out. I kissed him and gave him more tongue. I rubbed his cock hoping I could stop what was about to happen.

"Bryan, I am sorry. I think we need to back off some. You are so sweet to me. I loved it but we should think about this more. I want you so badly yet I can't do this yet."

"Oh, Lynette. I want you also. I can hardly wait until we, uh, we, uh, you know. Do it. But I respect you."

We talked more and I assured him that I loved what we had just done. He was a real gentleman and was willing to wait until later to move to the next step. With the 'I LOVE YOU' out of the way, we were certainly going to go all the way very soon. The next night we were going to the movies according to what we told my parents. As soon as it got dark, we made it back to the secluded spot and picked up where we left off. Bryan soon had me out of my sweater and bra and my skirt followed. I was just in my panties as Bryan enjoyed feeling my full breasts and sucked on my hard nipples. He was totally mesmerized by my large areolas and kept holding me and looking at my breasts. I felt his cock and soon helped him as he shed his jeans. His cock was bulging his briefs. I felt along the length. It was my first time ever feeling a cock. As he moaned, I stretched his brief elastic and let his cock flop out. It was an amazing sight for a virgin preacher's daughter. It was so hard yet soft. He showed me how to stoke it so he got harder and started dripping precum. His lubrication coated my hand and it slid more easily up and down his hard member. Without much warning, he erupted and spewed cum all over the dash and seats. There was a lot. I had never even imagined what this would be like.

I felt him begin to soften while he was still leaking his cum from the tip. We kissed and cuddled. After regaining his breath, Bryan returned his attention to my breasts. He kissed them and again sucked my nipples. He moved his hand inside my panties and I scooched down in the seat allowing him to finger my pussy. I was dripping wet. He moved with some naivete as I helped him find my clit again. He inserted two fingers and fucked me until I came again.

Afterwards we cuddled and he touched my boobs as we both went into a sort of reverie about where this development was leading. We both knew that unless something happened to reverse the course we would have actual intercourse soon. I was ready and I knew that Bryan was too. It was not likely that a man like Bryan would continue to date a person younger than him without any sex unless he had an emotional commitment. I felt very loved and not any guilt about what had just happened.

I decided to get it out in the open. "Bryan," I said, "It is okay with me if we have actual intercourse as soon as you like. Just not tonight. We need to take just a little time to digest this first. If either one of us changes our mind, we should be open and honest about it. I have a lot to lose if we do commit to having sex. My parents would disown me if it ever got out. I would be jeopardizing my scholarships to college if even the hint of scandal was tied to me. You must give me your word that you will not tell anyone if we go ahead."

"Oh, my gosh, Lynette. Do you think that I would boast about it? I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you or your parents."

With that out of the way, we decided to consummate our love sexually the next night. We went to church on Sunday together and shared glances as my dad preached a fiery sermon about the state of descending morality in our nation. I would have easily accepted the idea a year before. But not then. I was anxiously awaiting my deflowering that very night. When we made our way to our place that night, we were both nervous. After some foreplay, Bryan helped me remove my clothing including my panties and bra. He again paid careful attention to my breasts. I was very proud of my C cups and areolas, so I loved it when he caressed my soft bosom.

When he laid me down in the seat, he placed a towel beneath me. I didn't know exactly what to expect even though Cynthia had described in full her own deflowering. She had said it didn't hurt much but she did feel a sharp pain when her hymen ruptured. I was so hoping there would be no complications. The last thing I wanted was to have to go to my mother about severe pain.

I spread my legs to accommodate Bryan as he pointed his cock toward my virgin opening. He put the head against my vaginal lips and pushed. I was so tight and the sensation immediately startled me. I expected a sharp pain and then some relief as he penetrated me. He pushed harder and the searing pain invaded my lower half. I was happy that I had some indication beforehand. For that I had Cyn to thank. Just as Bryan pushed himself about half way into me, he moaned and withdrew. His cum blasted from his cock and splashed all the way up to my naked breasts.

So, that was our first time. Almost a failure, but I had been deflowered. I didn't have a chance to experience an orgasm. Bryan for his part, apologized profusely. I hugged and kissed him even though I was still in a fog about what had just happened. At the time, I didn't quite get the dynamics. It probably didn't matter because we were so tense that I probably would not have had an orgasm anyway. We cleaned up and put our clothes back on and talked at length about our first time. We learned later that this was not at all unusual for the first time for the guy to have a premature ejaculation. Right then, however, we wondered what all the fuss was about. Having crossed the line into sexual adulthood, we vowed to be better the next time. Luckily, I had a tampon to soak up the blood. I didn't know how closely my mother monitored my periods and I worried a little about disposing of the tampons.

Bryan had to go back to school the next day so we went two weeks before he was able to get away. We talked in between but were careful what we said just in case anyone might be listening to our conversation. We were both nervous about our next time together. The next two weeks were a blur to me. I was so nervous about being discovered. Cyn mentioned that I seemed a little twitchy. I told her it was just the oncoming graduation and then going off to college at a place it really didn't want to go. I kept thinking she was fishing for a tidbit of information for she kept asking about Bryan. Thank goodness she was still having sex with both Richard and Carter. That took some of her energy away for probing me. At that time she was having some concern about the dual relationships. She knew that Richard wanted to get married before he went off to boot camp. She said that their sex was slow and loving. She said that sex with Carter was wild and that he had introduced new to new positions. He was taking her so deeply that she worried that Richard might detect that her pussy was too loose.

The weekend that Bryan came home again, we went straight to our place. There was no way we could get a hotel room in our little town and we didn't see the need to go out of our way. Besides, Bryan didn't have a lot of money to waste on a love nest. We did pretty much what we had done before. This time we took a little extra time feeling each other up. We traded 'I LOVE YOUS' several times before he placed his cock at my opening. He pushed all the way in after about two strokes. It felt good to me but I was still too tense to orgasm. This time he lasted about two minutes before he withdrew and splashed his cum on me again. We cuddled and then cleaned up. I was so hoping that soon I would be able to experience an orgasm. I did have orgasms from digital masturbation but this was different. I had no point of reference as far as how large or small he was. In fact, he was about average. I estimated later that his dick was about five inches when hard. Plenty for me in my post virginal state.

Bryan and I continued to have sex together and it got much better as we became more experienced. As we headed to our last semester in high school, Cyn and I continued to talk. At one point earlier I had decided to sever ties with her but after Bryan and I started having sex, I thought that would be hypocritical. She continued to keep me informed about her sex life with both Richard and Carter. She was getting to the point that she sometimes avoided sex with Richard. This led to some ugly spats between them. He wanted sex all the time and Cyn was getting sex all the time, especially from Carter.

Then two weeks before graduation, Bryan told me about his grandfather up in Missouri becoming seriously ill. The following week, his dad was called to go there for his grandfather's condition was beginning to look terminal. It was at this point that the ultimate turn of events fell into place. Actually, out of place, depending on how one looked at it. Bryan's grandfather passed away and his family all went to be with his grandmother and for the funeral to follow. That meant that Bryan would not be there for my graduation and after party. No big deal except that a friend of Carter's asked Cynthia if I would be interested in going to the party after graduation with him. Cyn told me about this and I was stunned.

I knew Louis from school, of course. He was always nice to me and seemingly to others around him. When Cyn alerted me that he had inquired about me, I didn't know how to take it. I was not around Carter or Louis very much and this seemed to be out of left field to me. Cynthia had scolded Louis for asking her instead of asking me directly. I was wishing that she had found some way to discourage him. Then it happened. Louis stopped me after my last class one day and asked if I would be his date to the graduation party. I stuttered and stammered trying to formulate an answer. I didn't want to come across as racist but I didn't think my parents could ever agree to letting me go out with a black guy. I finally told him that I thought my boyfriend might be back for the party. It did not deter him. He mentioned that my boyfriend had graduated three years before and really had no place at the graduation party for the graduates. I stalled him by telling him that I had to ask my parents if I could even go. I used the excuse that there might be unauthorized alcohol at the party. He laughed and said that it would not be at the party but some alcohol might show up just outside the party.

The next day he pressed me for an answer and I stalled telling him that everyone was invited to the party anyway and we could see each other that night without it being a date. Of course, that would be my final undoing. I didn't know it then but the chain of events was starting to align.

The graduation ceremony was boring as usual. The speakers told us all the same trite things that our parents had be telling us since we could walk. We all could hardly wait to get to the party. Richard was not going with Cyn because of a family reunion he had to attend. I didn't know this at the time but Carter had access to a cabin out in the woods and invited Cyn and some friends out after making a quick appearance at the party. Cyn later said that she didn't know he had invited four of his black teammates and just her. When she got there, they had beer, whiskey and marijuana. Cyn had drunk a little alcohol with Richard so she wasn't completely foreign to it. The short version of what she told me later was that they all got feeling good and Carter shared her with all his friends. Later on, she said she regretted it but she also said that it was the most exciting thing that she had ever done. She told me about all the big black cocks that she had taken.

Back to the party itself. Louis made it plain that he was going to monopolize my time. When I seemed reluctant to continue to hang out with him, he reminded me that I had promised to be with him for the party. Not wanting to hurt his feelings too badly, I gave him plenty of time while trying to make it part of larger groups as we mixed about. He knew that Cyn had left with Carter and that Cyn and I had ridden together to the graduation. He didn't know that Carter had arranged a gang bang for my friend. About a half hour after Cyn and Carter left, Louis offered to take me home. Again, I was frustrated about how to decline. He told me that I needed a ride anyway so he might as well deliver me.