All Comments on 'Family Ch. 02'

How does this have anything to do with loving wives?

Move along, nothing to see here. Completely pointless rambling. Even less interesting and entertaining than the first chapter. Going nowhere in a hurry.

This is not an improvement. I guess youre going for anti hero vibe but contractors are basically mercenary bottom feeders who operated outside the law in Iraq and were so indiscriminate in their daughter of civilians that they turned the people against the actual troops.

Airbags like your protagonist were effectively traitors that for their own former brothers in arms killed by letting human monster like Elvis operate with impunity.

One, out this in the right category and two, stop hacking it into little pieces so your readers can't tell what's going on our where the fuck to start.

I don't mind stories about anti heroes, but this shit it's broken and I'm done.

Just a waste of time reading about creepy people. Won't read any more of this shit.

wrong category.

the glue to hold them is Loyalty. TK U MLJ LV NV

i really enjoy reading your stories. waiting for the next chapter.

most anonymous comments should be ignored. they do not want to be seen, so why should they be heard?

I was afraid for awhile that you had left. I look forward to more in this story.

getting some insight in how he came to be in this chapter. such a complex life he has lived and looks like it isn't going to change to much for him. hope next chapter is soon as i think the stirring of the pot is coming fast now for him. keep writing.

As usual, a slow but firm sequence...4*

LW is a place where 60% of the men served in or worked with the FBI, CIA, or special forces, all because their poor creators couldn't think of another way to make them interesting.

That is why they don't understand why he is there. Elvis should have been able to enlighten them concerning his motivations. The word they are forgetting about, but that describes his motivations is this: Honor. The family had forgotten it as well. This can happen when people allow the minutiae of their days' concerns to become the be-all/end-all of their daily motivations for too long a period without stepping back to discern the bigger picture again. This is why we take vacations. D's "vacation" is to bring this family back to that bigger picture.

..if only it were a complete picture, though... In his own ways, D's version of a Book of Honor is missing a few important pages. Even given that, however, it clearly seems to be better than what it is displacing.

Super-spies, hit men, war heroes, I'm sick of them. Not a very good story. Not a single character who isn't stupidly evil. Won't read part three, that's for sure.

The shit for brains annoy birds...this is good reading. My only suggestion would have been to tie the whole story in one package rather that piecemeal segments. The only way we can get a chronological feel is to read by the submission date. It would be good, as a preamble in a future submission, to give us the Order of your segments. Otherwise, it can be like walking into a movie in the middle. Keep em coming...could be a good novel.

This is a very good story and parts are very real. Family has to be the centre of your life. "D" wanted normallity, yet war and his country took that away. Now the family needs him although he does not want it that way he has to correct the past errors not of his making. Elvis needs to watch his back if it comes to a one on one. A good story and would make a good film. many who complain would not be able to write one post that would hold enough interest for a second post. Please keep them coming more often as I do not like having to wait too long between posts.

This story has totally captivated me and I find myself hating the delays between each part so please keep up the good work and finish part 3

It has been a long time since I have enjoyed a story like I am enjoying this one. I am not remotely qualified to criticize your literary skills but I do know a great story when I read one. And this to me is one of the best yet. You keep writing and I will keep reading. Thank you for sharing. I am really anticipating the rest of the story.

I read these last two entries with only a vague memory of some part of the prior tale. Did not need to go back. I'd call your writing style "good writing" rather than "eccentric." You're giving us the screenplay of a drama playing out with almost no internal monologue (parts where the protagonist goes on and on about what he's thinking and feeling and plans to do next.) So the reader has to piece it together from what the characters do and say to each other. The action and dialogue in turn evoke some deep themes about honor, family, and paying debts. Exactly where these are all going or what category the whole thing belongs in - I could care less. Looking forward to the next chapter.

continue.

and a good premise for your story. I have a good feel for your characters and I just got in on this story with chapter one of this part. Thanks for sharing, good to see solid writing and solid characters.

I am completely hooked on this continuing story - please post part 3 ASAP!

My choice to read Your choice to write

Thanks for that. but watch out for shit from anonymous a's

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

write on

x

Excellent storyline! Can't wait for the next chapter!!

.....looking forward to more of this story!

Great interesting story - thanks for sharing with us! Looking forward to more of this saga.

I hope that it keeps flowing away....

Continue Please, good story.

Good read. Nice character development and an interesting plot development.

Looking forward to more installments on this story.

I do hope it is not too long between the continuation. I like these stories that actually have a plot bigger than the sex.

The scene in the front yard where he puts a gun to his brother's head, with a neighbor watching; never gonna happen. In public they laugh and joke. They argue, and kill, in private.

There is no semi-automatic pistol made with a spring loaded firing pin. The spring around the firing pin retracts the firing pin after the striker/hammer has propelled the pin forward, striking the firing cap of the round in the chamber. If there is a round in the chamber and the striker or hammer is actuated by a trigger pull, the gun will fire, regardless of the muzzle being against an object. If you actuate the slide far enough to eject a live round or cock a hammer-fired weapon, then the next round in the magazine will be fed into the chamber when the slide moves forward. If you actuate the hammer by pulling the trigger the weapon will fire the round in the chamber. Same is true for a trigger-cocking semi-automatic pistol. But the larger issue is that sometimes mechanisms fail, and no one with Daemon's experience would pull the trigger on a loaded weapon unless he was OK with the weapon firing. So it ended up being a stupid distracting scene, especially acted out in public.

A small detail. Very interesting if somewhat exaggerated. Thank you for your time and talent.

An excellent dealing with loyalty and taking care of family. Family is important. keep writing. Any criticisms I 've read are read fall under the fact that it's easy to criticize, that's why everyone does it. To err is human and nobodies perfect.

Fantastic chapter 2!

And the adventure continues. *****

Good story