All Comments on 'Family Foursome Ch. 02'

Where are the words hidden as some locations are so filled with "..." its impossible to locate any words to read, so the story becomes confusing and and eye sore attempting to read. If the intent is to indicate a pause, forget the "...' as that is the job of "," far simpler and easier. The story has to be run through a wordprocessor removing the "..." before it can be easily read.

This story really has a great premise with an engaging narrative. However a structural flaw hinders its reading comprehension.

The use of Separate Paragraphs, for separate speakers' quoted dialogue, has been the accepted/preferred writing style for several hundred years of English literature. (And TheLonghorn, you Brits 'invented' the language!) Otherwise, we're not sure who is actually speaking. The document will be no longer in digital storage, though longer in printed form, but it will help us readers!

As for the ellipses (plural of ellipsis) . . . I am not as bothered as some other readers by their overuse, but do check some references. For example, The Guide to Grammar and Writing of the Capital Community College Foundation (http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/ellipsis.htm) reports that the ellipsis, three dots preceded and trailed by single spaces, are to be used to mark omitted _quoted_ material. Some other references seem to allow ellipses in non-quoting text. ... And between sentences the ellipsis trails the final punctuation mark of the preceding sentence.

I saw very few typos, but in Ch. 2 check:

not causing any harm, infact (sic) in fact, causing both of them

The series is fun. Please keep writing!

First of all, to the "anonymous" people posting negative comments on my story: Whilst I understand there may be flaws in my writing, especially since this is my first story, I don't appreciate the tone you are implying in your comments, and the "instruction" you are giving me. I also find it humourous (for those who will pick this up as an incorrect spelling, surely, the english spelling of this word would not omit the "u"?) that you omit your username so you can hid behind your anonymity.

Secondly, mBrow, and those who have sent me private feedback, thank you. Your tone was much more positive, and mBrow especially, seemed to actually want to help me, rather than "tell me off" for not being perfect right from the start. I find your comments, mBrow, very helpful, and in future stories I shall implement these techniques.

I have always used "..." for long pauses along with omissions, as this is how I was taught to use it. I do realise, after reading the story back, that the dialogue-only conversations needed breaking up to make it easier on the reader's eyes. I will separate these from now on.

Please, when making comments, bear in mind, I write these stories for my own personal enjoyment, and the enjoyment of others. I am not writing them to be "perfect", as I am not a professional writer, nor do I intend to be. There will almost always be flaws, I'm sure. I know I can write well, and I do try, but I am not striving for perfection. I will try to make sure the stories are readable, and easy on the eye, but that is as far as I will go with them. I am not a serious writer.

When I ask for feedback on the forum etc. I am mainly asking for feedback on the content itself, not the presentation.

Thank you though, for reading my stories and to those who have helped, I thank you for taking the time to.