Family History Pt. 01

Eventually Lavina decided that my lesson had been satisfactory. She climbed off me, picked up her apron and put it on.

"Tea, Alfred?"

"Tea?"

"Yes, tea. This temple has been equipped for tea making. There is even a commode."

The last word reminded me. I needed the commode.

"Commode first, please, Lavinia, then tea would be pleasant."

"Very well. But you're not free yet."

She tied my hands to my sides as they had been last night. I could see that her breasts were beginning to leak milk again. A drip fell on my naked body. Lavina wiped it off with the hem of her apron.

"Last precaution," she said, reaching into the folds of her discarded skirt to produce a large white mop cap. She spread it out in her hands before using it as a hood to cover my whole head. She fastened its ribbon around my neck, loose enough not to constrict my neck, but too tight for me to remove the mop cap even if I had my hands free.

I could still sense where the light from the windows was, but couldn't see anything else. The mob cap bore Lavina's scent. I was breathing her perfume. She helped me to stand up before guiding me to sit on a commode. She held my prick while I pissed before shaking it efficiency. She led me back to the mattress and helped me to sit down, still hooded.

"Stay there, Alfred," she ordered. "I'll make the tea."

I listened carefully, all I could do. It seemed a long time before I heard the familiar sound of a tinder box, and eventually a kettle began to boil. I was sure I had heard another noise at the same time as the kettle boiling but I couldn't identify it.

Lavina's hands untied the mob cap's ribbon and lifted it off my head. I looked at her. She was fully dressed again but I remembered every curve of her soft body that had been so close to me a few minutes ago. I heard a rustle of petticoats behind him. I turned my head. My sister Emma was there too.

"I hope you enjoyed lessons with Lavina," Emma said.

What could I say? Lavina had showed me several ways to please a woman, ways I had never considered before.

"Because you're going to have to demonstrate what you have learned." Emma continued.

She laughed at my horrified expression.

"Not with me. I'm satisfied just to ride you. But our uncle sent you here to gain experience. He told you that, didn't he?"

"Yes," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"And you will get it," Lavina added. "Only Emma and I need that..." She pointed at my erection.

"But you will learn how to please women without getting them pregnant. You haven't got much choice, have you, Alfred? Your clothes are locked away and your hands are tied. Emma and I could teach you some things but there are others who are better teachers."

Others? How many others? Was I condemned to be a male stud for the next ten days? I'm sure Uncle George hadn't meant that I should gain experience by being a naked prisoner to be mounted by my sister and her friend.

...

I assume this is James' note: D E R

Alfred's account ended at this point. He served with distinction in the Crimean War, returned to marry and produce a family. Other records show that Lavinia produced a healthy son, followed some years later by another son and a daughter. It was thought likely that all three children were fathered by Alfred. Even today many of Lavinia's descendants seem to show our family characteristics.

A short account written in much later life by Alfred's sister Emma suggests that Lavinia's husband was aware of what his wife intended to do, and was willing to accept Alfred's healthy children as his own.

Chapter 03 Horresco

This was a torn cutting in James' file. D E R

Horresco Referens

The strange occurrences that scandalised the inhabitants of a village in the neighbourhood of a Staple Town in the year 1603.

Taken from 'Strange Events: Unusual Happenings' published at the sign of The Cock, Smithfield in the year 1687.

In the archives of the now defunct fortnightly broadsheet erroneously named 'The Weekly Courant or Digest of Notable Events Occurring Within His Majesty's Dominions or Elsewhere' the following reputedly accurate news item is reported in three consecutive issues. (The name is erroneous because the broadsheet was never published more frequently than fortnightly, not weekly as its title proclaims, and our reviewers of the collected issues have not been able to find any information relating to events beyond the boundaries of England or even beyond the more limited area of the County of Kent in which the said broadsheet had a limited circulation. Despite the bold claims of its title, the events recorded were based within a small radius of the town of Cranbrook. It would therefore be perfectly possible for the village referred to in these events to be precisely identified. We will refrain from so doing, confining ourselves to assuming that the village that features in this account is situate within the Weald of Kent, named B*******n, having been the birthplace in the last century of a remarkable human anomaly. We may, of course, be incorrect in our assumption and would not wish to slander the village of B*******n or any other village in the vicinity. Our readers are invited to consider that these sad events took place in an imaginary village early in this seventeenth century.)

Surprising outbreak of lewd and wanton behaviour of all the adult men of a small village and the amazing cure to their distemper administered by their assembled womenfolk to the men without making distinction of rank, condition or affinity. Adversations on the cause of the temporary madness of the men. Did the Ancient Romans know of this afflicition and did they name it as 'Priapism'? Is there a cure? Could this affect another community? &c.

On the eve of May Day last in a village, that our especial correspondent does not wish to identify, the following astounding events occurred, witnessed and averred to by the majority of the female inhabitants of the said unidentified village. (The events themselves will explain why only the fairer and gentler sex can give witness and true account.)

In the first rays of Aurora, a village matron known as the Widow Hogben, was going about her matutinal avocations, viz feeding the chickens, in the yard attached to the cottage left to her by her late husband's will when she became aware that one of her neighbours was behaving oddly. Her voisin, Gaffer Jones, one of the village elders, although actually not of declining years but deferred to as an Elder because of his landowning status and his position as one of the chief men of the Hundred, was rubbing the front of his body frantically against a wooden post by the gate to the Widow Hogben's cottage demesne. He appeared to be in some distress.

The Widow Hogben, a kindly matron devoted to charitable works, (but see The Editor of the Weekly Courant's addition at the end of this account) enquired solicitously of Gaffer Jones about his well-being. Upon being addressed by the Widow Hogben, Gaffer Jones stopped abrading himself on the post, leapt it featly and rushed upon the startled matron. She withstood his assault with aplomb (The Widow Hogben is well-endowed by nature) and enquired what he thought he was doing as he attempted to repeat his abrasions upon her body.

Finding that his power of speech seemed to be in abeyance and that he seemed totally incapable of any act other than frottage upon her well upholstered person the Widow Hogben decided that Gaffer Jones was in need of immediate restraint in the interests of preventing harm to some other female less well blessed by Nature than she, and also to prevent Gaffer Jones from harming his reproductive organs by his frantic movements. In short, she wrapped her muscular arms around his comparatively feeble body and hauled his head against her well padded torso. To her surprise his movements subsided into quiescence as soon as his face was wholly in contact with her bosom.

Pencil note in faded writing pinned to the fragment: D E R

Other matrons around the village found more elderly men in a similar state of sexual excitement. They too found that holding the man to their bosom calmed them down. It was later assumed that there had been some freak contamination of the well used by the men.

Chapter 04 Some Latin; Less Greek

This was written on a couple of sheets of parchment. There must have been more but this is all that is left.

We twelve students considered ourselves fortunate among the hundreds in Oxenford. Unlike some, the hostelry in which were lodged was well run, with good food and drink at reasonable prices, and our Master, Doctor Silas, lectured on the premises.

In the warmer months we might listen to his lectures in the smaller courtyard. The larger courtyard could be used by any traveller. The landlord and landlady kept the smaller one just for we students.

In winter we had the hall. It was a relic of earlier days when the hostelry might have been a manor house. It was too uncomfortable for guests but ideal for young men of learning. We slept above the stables at one end of the hall. Our master had the former Solar above the raised dais at the other end. The fire in the centre of the hall sent its smoke curling upwards to the blackened beams but if we huddled close to the fire we were warm enough.

It didn't take newcomers to our fellowship long to appreciate the civilised comfort we enjoyed. There was no need to leave the hostelry at all, and if funds were low, everything except female company was available.

There were women in our hall. The landlord's wife, Mistress Anne, was still an attractive woman despite having two adult daughters, Mistress Janet and Mistress Elizabeth. Her daughters' husbands ran a carrier's business bringing goods and people in and out of Oxenford. They and their horses occupied part of the extensive buildings. Mistress Anne's husband, Master Ralph, ran the rest of the hostelry. Although apparently good natured, he was an ex-soldier of long experience. Any troublemaker could expect rough treatment.

By common consent, Mistress Anne and her two daughters were not for us. We honoured them for the services they provided - good food, good drink, warm soft beds, a clean household. We knew that such conditions were uncommon in Oxenford. There were other maids employed throughout the hostelry but our care was normally the responsibility of Mistress Anne and her daughters.

If we wanted female company we would seek it elsewhere, in the stews of Oxenford. It was available for all purses from impoverished student to rich nobleman.

There were just a few rules for our guidance. We were all of good families and armigers, expected to wear swords. One rule was that we should wear a sword whenever we were in the town of Oxenford. On no account whatever were we to draw the sword unless attacked by armed thieves. Drawing a sword in the street was punishable by the town authorities and Doctor Silas would insist that the student offender should leave the hall forthwith.

Another recommendation rather than a rule was that we should speak Latin among ourselves. We would speak English to the hostelry's staff, but our lectures, our discussions and our writing were always in Latin. In this account I will transcribe the sense of the Latin.

One March evening after our evening repast we were sitting in a group around the central fire. Doctor Silas' chair had been brought down from the dais. We were drinking a better wine than usual and all of us were feeling content with our existence.

"Students!" Doctor Silas voice was raised.

"Next month is April. On the first of that month it is traditional for some jest or jape to be devised to embarrass or ridicule some poor unfortunate butt of his fellow's humour. Some jests can be cruel and hurtful. But I think you students can rise above that."

We knew what to expect. From time to time Doctor Silas would set a task for the group of us. We would need to use our scholarship to complete the task in addition to our normal studies.

"Master Alfred," he addressed me, "you are the oldest of our students and have the widest experience of the world. This time you will direct the students towards the goal that I set. Do you agree?"

"Yes, Doctor Silas, I agree."

"And the rest of you will help Master Alfred. It will be your device, your jest, your jape, but one that you all support.

Your task is this. Within the traditional framework of April Fool, you will encompass a jest that is not hurtful, that respects those who are the butt of the jest, and demonstrates scholarship as well. Master Alfred will reveal to me, before the jest is enacted, what is intended. If I agree, and only if I agree, it can take place on the morning of April First. If I do not agree, lack of that agreement does not mean that you have failed in your endeavour, just that I consider it inappropriate."

Doctor Silas produced a small slip of parchment. On it he had written the terms of the task he had set. He handed the parchment to me. He retired for the night leaving us the rest of the wine.

We started to talk about the possibilities. Whether it was the wine or the complexity of the challenge, I don't know, but our proposals were ridiculous. I sat back on my stool and thought.

I was daydreaming as I watched Mistress Elizabeth clearing away the debris of our meal. As she moved among us she exchanged a word or two, gently batted away an over-familiar hand, kissed a presented cheek... She looked at home and comfortable in our company. We were appreciating her presence too.

That made me think. We are gentlemen. When we marry we will have little choice. We will marry for dynastic or property reasons. We cannot, could not, marry a woman such as Mistress Elizabeth, even if she hadn't been married already. I know that. She knows that. All the women in the hostelry know that. We are not potential husbands nor lovers because any liaison would end in grief. All of us might flirt, pretend love we could not turn into a reality, but could play games with each other knowing they would never become more than a game.

My idea was that we would compose Laudatory Odes, in Latin of course, to Mistress Elizabeth, her daughters and the hostelry maids. I considered that there were should some constraints or rules about our Poetry, viz:

1. Although they would be in Latin, the composer should also provide a free translation into English verse.

2. The Odes should be complimentary, but in such terms that would not offend the Lady, nor her husband.

3. Every woman who served in the hostelry must have an Ode composed in her honour, and if we produced more than one, then each woman should have the same number of odes. We might draw straws to see which woman we would write about.

4. On April Fool's Day, the writer of each ode should kneel before the woman who is the subject of his ode, read the ode first in Latin and then in English. It might be humiliating for we students, but it would be an expression of the thanks that we owed to those who made our lives comfortable.

On the evening of the following day I addressed my fellow students and put my proposal to them. The points I have listed above are those that were agreed between us, not my original flawed drafts. I had written them with chalk on a slate until we had a final version.

The next morning I wrote them out fairly on parchment and we asked Doctor Silas whether our task for April Fool's Day was suitable. He commended us and commanded us to sort out which of us would address which lady. He reserved the right to approve or disapprove any specific ode. Only odes that to which he had given consent were to be delivered, yet there must be an equal number of acceptable odes for each lady.

I and we had underestimated the scale and complexity of our task. Assigning a woman to each student was a simple procedure. Studying each woman so that the ode could be appropriate and not offensive in any way was difficult. Almost all of us started with the physical attributes of the particular woman, and too soon it became apparent that describing their person without straying into sexual characteristics was impossible.

We had to change from the physical to the personality. We had to engage our chosen woman in conversation, at length. While we had often conversed with Mistress Anne and her daughters Mistress Janet and Mistress Elizabeth, we had been far too complacent in accepting the services freely provided by the other women. Beyond a few grudging words of thanks for their delivery of a pot of ale or for replenishing the fuel on the fire, we had ignored them. Yet their work was essential to our well being. We didn't even know the specifics of their duties.

As part of the April Fool event we intended to present each woman with a parchment inscribed with both the Latin and English versions of their ode. We expected that they wouldn't be able to read the Latin. In our arrogance, we had assumed they could read the English version. We were shaken to find out that at least half of them could neither read nor write.

It shouldn't have been a surprise to us. How could daughters of poor people afford the time or the expense involved in attending a school? If the family had any money for education, that would go to a son, or sons, before daughters. Educating daughters needed a substantial sum of money, yet the daughters had to work to help support their parents and younger siblings.

I went back to Doctor Silas, crestfallen. Our task would embarrass the women we wanted to celebrate. His response was brief.

"You know what you have to do, Master Alfred."

I did know but I was appalled by the scale of the task. We had to teach some of the servant women how to read and write.

That evening I explained the new requirement to my fellow students. They too were surprised that so few of the women could not read and write, because, like me, they had never considered the difficulties the women had to endure.

The next morning I approached Mistress Elizabeth. I sought her advice and respectfully listened as she considered what we intended.

"Master Alfred," she said, "while it might be laudable to attempt to teach our servant women how to read and write, each of you must obtain the woman's consent first. Some could find the task too difficult. The time taken for the woman to learn could detract from the efficient discharge of her duties, and impair the running of this hostelry, unless..."

She paused. I waited for the rest of her advice.

"I hesitate to ask this, because you students are all young gentlemen, but there is a solution. If the student helps the woman with her duties so as to create time to teach her to read and write, then her work would not be diminished, nor the hostelry affected."

It was my turn to pause and consider. We didn't know the full range of the women's duties. We did know that some tasks were unpleasant and demeaning. But if we were going to write odes based on each individual woman, we had to know them much better than we did. Working with them could improve our understanding.

"I can see the difficulty, Mistress Elizabeth. I am not sure whether all the students would be prepared to undertake servants' duties. All I can do is propose that to them, and hope that they will all consent. If they do..."

"...they will widen their education significantly, Master Alfred. All of you will eventually be responsible for many servants. Knowing the tasks you expect of them would help you to be better masters."

"I can see that, Mistress Elizabeth, but will they? I will make the attempt to gain their cooperation."

"There is one thing more, Master Alfred. If you are successful in teaching all the women to read and write, you will improve their value as servants. You might improve it so much that they could leave this hostelry and seek higher payment elsewhere. If that happens I would have to employ new women..."