All Comments on 'Family Secrets Pt. 01'

Hi everyone,

Thanks to those that enjoyed the story and thanks for reading it. Now if you would like to see part two leave a comment.

Nice story, a really good read in my opinion make a part 2 but not more but I would like to read a longer story from you, one where the Son doesn't immediately forgive his family. A bit more drama and depth

I don't know if you had an editor but it seemed not. Quite a few spots where a correctly spelled but wrong word was used. Just a couple of examples " as she whizzed on the ventilator" I don't think you meant she pissed on it maybe wheezed on the ventilator? Or this one " Mouths passed as Samuel sank into his depression " again spelled correctly but wrong word. Month's might be what you meant.

Pretty good story , don't depend on spell cheque so much.

I have ready many of your previous works since I like the themes you usually write about. Previously your narratives suffered from being too jumpy (scenes changing too abruptly or in a way that was confusing.) I'm happy to say though that I see that in this story is much improved in that regards, and over all I have seen quite a bit of improvement in your stories overall. You have the potential to be a very good writer and I encourage you keep writing.

I would still recommend using an editor whenever you can, since everyone should us an editor if they are able.

Yeah, that is what these writing exercises are for my friend you get some free stories and I get my writing strenghten so to speak. Always love feedback good or bad just doesn't necessarily mean I'll listen, lol. However, feel free to contact me through email I normally respond if there's a return adress.

I honestly think you're one of the best new writers here on Literotica. Not only does your themes are very similar to what I like to read but you write your characters really well. Keep delivering these awesome incest stories and every now and then include one where the son gets raped, you know those are my favourite. ;)

The story is good but you really need to proof read or an editor. You mix up expressions, and make lots of grammar and spelling/typing mistakes. I really struggled to keep reading because of that.

i hate the arseholes so much in this story i want to go into the story and put an iron rod from arse to head of the evil arse "dad" and "sis" then put them in stasis and foce them to watch the room where the mom died and then make them watch eachother in agony for eternity and no one can move them. then go back out infect this arseholse shite trump nazi asshole "authors" pc with a virus that wipes all traces of this story from the face of the earth. then put the pc and possibly the "author" in the lava/magma beneath the mariana trench to suffer for eternity. maybe through an woodchipper but magically kept alive then lava.

So much contempt for a story.

He spent years hating his family for committing incest while his mom was dying,but now he is fine with it?the first time 1 tried he should have taken off running to stay true to his past beliefs and that they only want him back since his father can't fuck them anymore shows they don't care who fucks them.

You do realize he was and still is underneath a spell right. If you can't grasp that fact well I can't help you.

eh.

interesting concept, execution killed it.

No pun intended...

Wondering how it will all play out in the next part

Started expecting one theme, found another.

I have to echo some of the other comments. Having the help of a proof reader would improve the quality.

Love the story.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Interesting story

Looking forward to the next chapter, soon I hope.

You have a lot to work with..

and i like it - so im looking forward the coming tales

but, I wonder how things will turn out..?

Is Becky holding the soul of the dead mother?

Is that Mother - some how - going to be reborn?

and how does the ritual to make that happen work?

A smashing group6 i guess :D

Is Sam going to heal his Father or is daddy going to be healed by combined power of the three witches (mother reborn) when they are having a groupsession with Sam?

Thrilling - keep up the good and sexy work

:D

I'm not giving spoilers you'll just have to wait and see.

i got to the bottom of page two and it continued to be too convoluted and boring. a lot written up til then based on samuels personality made zero sense. that and i already dont like daddy daughter. so those two already turned me off before you even developed them as characters besides their incest.

I think that they are being selfish and when the sister and aunt put a spell on him makes my point. It would be funny as hell if some how he overcame the spell and told them to fuck off because of what they said about go away and stay away and now they have the nerve to come home because dear old dad can't even get a boner now they need help he should've told sister-bitch to get a stepping. It's easy to see his family doesn't care about him one bit.

The stay away part was for the baby shower.

Yes they could've been more caring about everything because they are the ones in the know and see things from his POV. They're still selfish. He probably thinks that they betrayed his mother and he was alone when she passed then they show up after. Probably still having sex like when he caught them.

They're in for themselves as I could tell there's no love in that family.

First off, I like the story and I'm looking out for the next part with anticipation. But ... (you knew there was a but coming). I think this story started out with a lot of promises that it didn't live up to. Mostly the ease with which Samuel gave in was anticlimactic. With the anger and passionate antipathy he started out with, I expected him to at least put up a fight, but instead he meekly gave in to every request, even before she cast that first spell. I wasn't entirely clear on if that was meant to subdue him permanently or just put him out of it for the moment, but assumed so. Now, I know that his behavior can be explained away and motivated by the magic factor, but it still doesn't mend the broken promise and it's made even more grating by the fact that, as others have pointed out, his sister and aunt are treating him as a plaything. Showing little to no consideration for him as a person. By analogy it was a little like reading a story of righteous knight storming the evil dragon, only to stumble on a rock and break his neck halfway, with the rest of the story being about how much the dragon enjoyed feasting on his carcass.

If i could make a recommendation for the second part, it would be for Samuel to snap out of the spell he's under, be even angrier than before at being used and muster some new found magical defence. You know, put up a fight and bring back the build up of tension that was completely lost by his sudden capitulation. We all expect him to give in eventually of course, but I for one would like some real drama along the way. :)

to more of this story line? I am kind of intrigued by this story line and would like to see how you develop it. I disagree that it was too convoluted and that the family was uncaring. They didn't need him at first and he didn't want them at first so it was a wash but now they do need him and it has to be in a hurry so some of the niceties of seducing a family member into magical incest had to be bypassed. Mainly he was estranged from his family because of lack of knowledge of his heritage. I guess the Mom was supposed to awaken him but she sort of died, kinda. Anyhow, hoping that you pick this thread back up and follow to the end. Thanks for sharing your stories and your talent.

Are you going to continue with the story? It is really good so far and would love a part 2.

There are many word choice and grammar errors. For me, at least, these break the narrative flow. Keep writing, but make better use of spelling and grammar software checks. Would have been a 5*, but down to 4*!!

Besides the grammar problems, the story structure and passage of time was hard to follow. Also, you can't simultaneously have the women say that Samuel must participate willingly and have him being compelled by a spell. Which is it?

Actually, I can, seeing how the spell didn't take away his free will. But if you read the second one you would know this.

Only part way on page 2. Hope samuel goes back to college before he finishes thwpe spaghetti. What a conniving, lying, slut family he belongs to. Feel sorry for him. He would be better off with loans for college than be forced to have anything to do with them. You have built yheir characters really well that I feel they are, unfortunately, real. Just because dad can't get it up anymore they expect the son to take his place. Sicker than sick.

Hope he rubs like hell so he's not coerced into anything with his family.

Now to decide if I keep reading.

He is being coerced into this. Regardless of where he ends up, he did not want it to begin with. Sis is just starting to force him to do something with a spell? Whatever, this is rape and should not even be allowed.

Never saw the twist to the family plot line. I enjoyed the build-up and character development. The sex is wonderfully added in to enhance the interaction. Admittedly i enjoyed the side plot of the competition. I just came across this series and looking forward to the rest of the chapters.

Very yummy indeed. There's much to catch up on! Thank you!

It looks like both Charlotte and Kelly have zero caring for Samuel,to both of them they just consider Samuel as a sperm donor and nothing more,but to add Kelly and Charlotte basically made Samuel as a puppet in their bet against each other.Honestly both Kelly and Charlotte are the two most evil bitches I have read about,and hope they pay dearly for their evil manipulations.Even more so for Kelly since she fucked her and Samuels Dad while their Mother was in the hospital dying of cancer.

And to add insult to injury Kelly would have no feelings towards her Brother if their Dad hadn't had that stroke or heart attack and been perfectly happy still fucking Dad.This story is just sadistic and evil plain and simple.

Why didn't you put the mind control tag warning at the beginning of your story?

If he hates his family so much why does he go with them so easily? I went through a family problem simulor when my mom died and my dad had an affair but when his side of the family tried to come at me later to give in to his appolies I shut them down and haven't seen them in 6 years

Dad’s dick doesn’t work anymore, now I’ll have to use yours

The way the story is written, the mother is in the hospital for months, and the son is the only one there... are dad and sis so busy 'practicing' the sex that they don't even show up? That's one concerned husband right there, 'cause if MY wife was in the hospital, wild horses couldn't keep me away from her. Just sayin'... When sis showed up at the college threatening Sam, he should have told her, you fucked him, you had a kid with him, that's your choice, live with it. I really don't get the whole 'keep everything from Sam' angle, why not explain it to him up front?

I wish the author had included a sentence or two to read this story prior to the New Orleans part.

I’m wondering, if like all good witches do, if Samuel ends up burning his sister and Aunty at the stake at the end. 🔥🔥🔥🔥 ha ha Ha. Just a thought.Sorry I couldn’t help myself.⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I always like your way of writing and the emotions that you pour into it. This is the first time I will be reading this series. The concept is great but the one thing that I noticed not just yours but in some others is that the MC gets pissed tries his hardest to get away from the family eventually gets brought back into the fold. The resistance of the MC is so feeble and soft. If the MC was so mad in the first place and give in so easily why leave in the place. IDK maybe it's just not how I see or feel it would be. Don't get me wrong though your stories have always lifted me out of some funk that I was in so keep in mind words have power to change ones spirit....

🙈🙊🙉💨😬

Story needs a lot of proofreading - There was no smooth segue - If Sam lived in the dorm why the talk about a lease with his roommate? . . . .