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Click here'Dear God, she was in her brother's room...she was naked...and she was so scared.'
End Part 01
- COMMENTS
KR79076 months agoA lot of commenters really seem unable or unwilling to read tags. Just because the category is "Incest", which is definitely not wrong when incestual relationships are the focus of the story, doesn't mean it can't be non-con too. Makes me roll my eyes every time someone feels morally superior when they ridicule a non-con story in the comments. This is a fucking fantasy folks!
Anyway, this story starts of good. There really are not enough heavier non-con incest stories out there. Without having read any further yet, I hope the MC will find a lot of kinky things to force his family to do.
spyhard247over 4 years agoThis is a wonderful series. I look forward to seeing Kristina taken but feel that David is losing a little of the control. Brit seems to be driving everything now rather than David.
Perhaps Sam is the real leader. I look forward to more.
Tug_Coxwellabout 5 years agoAuthorThank you for your helpful and constructive comments. I'm not sure I agree with all of them, but they are well-considered and I will infuse them into my future writing. I do recognize that in real life people don't respond to forced sex in the manner they do in porn stories. This is fantasy writing, after all, and truthfully the whole set-up is ludicrous in the real world. Nonetheless, I appreciate that your comments are not mean-spirited and intended to improve my writing. I'm sorry the story ultimately disappointed you, but thank you for reading my work.
Sixtyfiftythreeabout 5 years agoI think your story has a lot of potential. I greatly enjoyed the first five chapters, but after that, it honestly started on a fairly steep downwards slope.
Four major things stood out to me as negatives.
One, which completely turned me off it, was the sexual inclusion of his father. It felt unnecessary and icky. You used a dominant guy as your main character and then had him willingly bring in another man to touch the women he took. He had no reason to try and "demean" his father and he had no reason to actually bring him into the whole thing. It was just off.
Two, your major overuse of capitalization in dialogue. There are many ways to express that a character is being loud, and having nearly every single piece of dialogue be in caps lock is just not it. Honestly, there shouldn't even really be any at all.
Three is Allison's fairly immediate "surrender to his dick" when he's fucking or fingering her. Why does she start yelling for him to fuck her, while being raped? People don't actually go brain-dead when feeling pleasure, despite what lots of bad porn may suggest. You took her character and shredded it over and over again, only to have her return to who she was right after, and it is just not how people work. Sex does not magically make women into cock-hungry, empty-minded little sluts.
It definitely ruined a lot of the gradual domination/control vibe of the story. Made it too easy and unrealistic.
Four is the dominant sister. Honestly, I think this could have worked /okay/ if done differently, but your main guy just ended up looking like a wimp in the face of this new character, which really stepped on everything you'd built up 'til then.
I think it's really too bad, because I've been returning to your first five chapters occasionally, but there are a lot of things you could have worked on to actually make it a really good story.
Thanks for writing and posting all the same.
