All Comments on 'Fashion Show'

I was disappointed to see the story was only a single page. I really would have liked to read more. It reminded me of an incident when my parents still considered me and my younger sister to be just a little too young to be left home for a weekend while they attended an out-of-state wedding: I was 15, my sister was 10, while the babysitter was 18.

My sister convinced the sitter that it would be fun to play "dress up", and as the only guy in the house, I was treated to a fashion show. For some reason, they decided the theme should be that my sister was wearing our mom's stuff (which looked funny on someone so young) and the sitter was wearing my sister's stuff (which barely fit her).

The sitter wasn't "a beauty queen". She was more "cute" than "gorgeous", but she was an actual woman parading past me in clothes a little "too tight" and "too small" and "too short". Consequently, it didn't take long for me to sport a full erection, which I did my best to hide. My sister never noticed. (If she had, she would certainly have teased me about it.) I know the sitter saw it, however. She blatantly stared at it and grinned whenever my sister couldn't see.

Nothing else happened. I didn't get into my sitter's panties. She didn't take my virginity. When the fashion show was over, it was over, and that was that. We didn't discuss it, or it's effect on me, and on the rare occasions when I saw my sitter afterwards, neither of us made any reference to what had happened.

But I'll never forget my first real taste of voyeurism and exhibitionism.

The story is very good please continue the story.

Great premise but hardly any background. Nothing that would indicate they have desire for each other.

Maybe you could flesh it out some.

Probably bit late but beef it up if possible stretch it out, but the premise is good and well written.

Yes, his sister is using the fashion show to get to her brother and it worked; good idea !! Finally, it escalated to where Michelle got screwed by her brother and they both liked that experience. Hopefully, they will get together before the trip and more after when she finds her brother big hard cock is the best tool to use. Let's hope they screw each other all summer ! Good story with lots of potential. Need another chapter soon. Thanks.

Good story and well written. Parents are gone for a while so the two mice can play.

Hope you will add another fashion show on the beach

A decent story that loses a bit in the telling. The dialog worked well enough, but the voicing of their thoughts was distracting, unnecessary and did not add to the story. It is considerably more erotic to tell us what your characters do and say, leaving us to interpret the emotions and motivations.

For example, "From his seated position, he could start to see is sister's pussy. "You're not wearing any panties!" She was showing him her pussy!" The line "She was showing him her pussy!" is redundant and unnecessary. We already know that.

And another example, "Now she really felt it! His cock was getting harder and harder. This was it!" Again, "This was it!" is unnecessary. It does not add to the story in any meaningful way.

Words need to have a purpose and you must make them count. Less is often more. Aside from that stylistic flaw, the story is fine. It is short and to the point; a bit like a porn vignette.

Please add more about you drinking orange juice, but Seriously tho, nice story