Fear No Evil Ch. 01

"Sure," Zach said with a nod and a half-hearted smile. He picked up his backpack and walked out of the garage.

Sid felt a little sick as he watched him walk down the street. He shut the garage door and walked into the house.

***

Sid had a knot in his stomach. He didn't know why. He had told Zach he wasn't gay. He wasn't sure why Zach decided to come on to him like that or whatever it was. He hadn't done anything to give Zach any ideas... Had he? Zach should be the one who felt bad! He's the one that started it. No, Sid sighed. He didn't want Zach to feel this way, either. Neither of them should feel this way. But Zach shouldn't have tried to kiss him. Why did Zach do that? They were friends.

"Fuck," Sid muttered under his breath. Why did he feel so confused? He packed the last of the accessories for his console into the large duffel bag on the floor of his room and zipped it closed.

He didn't want it to be this way. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were. He and Zach just hanging out. No drama. How could he even have drama with another guy? That didn't even make sense. He wasn't gay. It wasn't like they were gonna go be boyfriend and boyfriend. Zach could go find some other guy to be with. Sid didn't care about all that stuff. He just wanted to keep his best friend.

He sighed and hefted the duffel bag. He walked to his car where he dropped the duffel back into the trunk and drove to Zach's house. When he arrived he noticed the rusty Geo Metro Zach's mom drove wasn't in the driveway. Grabbing his duffel bag again he marched up to the door and knocked.

"Hey, man," Zach answered, opening the door wide for his friend.

"Hey!" Sid said with a forced smile, hoping he could break the tension in his mind. He walked in and set the duffel back down beside the couch. "What's up?" Sid said.

"Not much," Zach shrugged. He was smiling. Lighthearted.

"Uh," Sid said. He wanted to clear the air between them. They hadn't spoken much in the last few days. Not that they had much reason or opportunity, being busy with school, but things still seemed strained to Sid. "About the other day," he started.

"It's cool," Zach said with a shrug. "Not your thing, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Sid said.

"Bro hug?" Zach said, grinning, and opening his arms wide.

Sid chuckled and they embraced quickly, slapping each other's backs, and stepping away.

"Is your mom here?" Sid asked.

"Nope," Zach said with a sly smile, "Just us."

"Nice," Sid said.

"Let's get this party started," Zach said, picking up the duffel bag and carrying it over to the TV stand.

The two friends unpacked the console and set it up. They cracked open some 20 oz. Mountain Dews, picked up their controllers, and settled in for a night of marathon games. The mood was light as they waged virtual wars against imaginary foes and, occasionally, each other. They were sitting cross-legged on the couch next to each other and talking. They talked about movies they wanted to see and games they wanted to play and Sid talked about the girls he thought were cute. Zach teased him and threatened to tell the girls but Sid knew he wouldn't do that. Sid was happy. He felt like things were getting back to normal.

"What about you?" he asked Zach. "You told my uncle you had a crush on someone. Who's the lucky guy?"

Zach glanced at Sid, grinned, and then turned away. "No," he said, "I mean, it's not like that." He shook his head.

"Come on, I've been spilling my guts to you. Just tell me who you think is cute."

"Brad Pitt," Zach said smugly.

"Pfff," Sid rolled his eyes as Zach laughed, "Someone in our class. Come on. Just one name."

Zach pursed his lips as he thought about it. "James Daily," he said after a moment.

"He's your crush?"

"No, geez, he's just cute. That's all."

"OK, who else?"

"You said one name!" Zach protested.

"Come on, ya gotta give me more than that," Sid argued.

"Uh... Jason Breer," Zach said with a shrug.

"Jason Breer? He ain't cute."

"Oh? So you know which guys are cute?" Zach teased.

"No! I mean, it's not like that. Anybody can see he ain't cute. Objectively speaking."

"Alright," Zach said, "Who do you think is better looking? Objectively speaking."

"I dunno," Sid shrugged.

"If you know Jason Breer isn't cute, then you know someone who is," Zach said.

Sid looked at his friend. Zach was sitting on the couch with his knees up by his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, smiling playfully. He was cute, Sid thought. His dark hair and eyes, his straight nose and round chin, his athletic body.

"OK, uh, I saw this one guy but I don't know his name," Sid said. He wasn't sure what to say next. He didn't even think that sounded like a good way to start. He should have just picked a random guy from class and been done with it.

"What does he look like?" Zach asked, sitting up and looking Sid in the eyes.

"Uh... well, he's got a medium build I guess. And, uh, dark hair."

"You like dark hair?"

"What? No. It just looks good on him," Sid shrugged.

"Nuh-uh - hair color is just a preference. You can't just say anybody with red hair or blonde hair is ugly - you like his dark hair!" Zach said with a triumphant grin.

"Whatever. I'm just saying it looks good on him. Some guy would be lucky to have him or whatever," Sid said. He made a show of looking at the box for one of his console games so that he didn't have to look at Zach's face but couldn't keep it up for long. When he glanced back his best friend was staring at him. Those brown eyes were darting back and forth as if Zach was searching for some sign on Sid's face. Sid hoped he didn't see anything. He didn't want Zach to know how he felt. He just wanted them to go back to being friends. After a moment Zach looked away and Sid exhaled.

After a moment Zach glanced over and said, "How about dinner? Want to order a pizza?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Sid agreed.

"Why don't you order it. I think I'm gonna go take a quick shower," Zach said, standing up from the couch and heading towards the short hallway and bedrooms.

"Sure, what do you want on it?"

"You know what I like," Zach said, looking over his shoulder at Sid. He turned and pulled his shirt over his head as he walked down the hallway and stepped into his room.

Sid watched him the entire way. He shook his head and tried to focus on calling the pizza place and ordering dinner but his mind kept wandering to Zach. Zach was taking a shower, he thought. Zach was only a dozen feet away, right on the other side of the wall, taking a shower. Zach was naked in the shower.

Sid got up from the couch and took a few steps towards the hallway. He turned and looked at the DVD rack and tried to find a movie for them to watch. He didn't hear the shower running and wondered if Zach had already finished. He grabbed a couple of DVDs from the rack and walked into the hallway.

Somewhere, deep inside, Sid knew what he was doing. He told himself he would just suggest a couple of movies and see if Zach wanted to watch any of them. He knew Zach would want to watch a movie while they ate. He was just going to go see what his friend was in the mood for, er, what his friend wanted to watch. He reminded himself that it was completely innocent. Sid's heart started beating faster with each step he took down the hallway. He knew what he was doing.

He got to Zach's room and found the door was open. He glanced inside and saw the familiar space as something private now. He was intruding. The room was smaller than his own and a disheveled queen bed took up most of the space in it. The dresser had a few drawers open and clothes seemed to be spilling out of them. The top of it was decorated with a dozen chibi anime figures. A desk in one corner was stacked with school books and comic books. There was a guitar missing a few strings leaning against the wall. It always made Sid a little envious when he thought about Zach learning to play it.

Even though he had been in this room hundreds of times he felt like he was trespassing at this moment. He heard water running in the bathroom sink and took a few steps into the room to peer around the doorway into the bathroom. The bathroom door was open and Zach was standing in front of the sink wearing only his briefs.

Sid stopped and held his breath. He looked up and down Zach's body as his friend stood at the bathroom counter. Zach's skin was smooth and fair and there was very little hair on him. He was leaning against the sink a bit and Sid looked down the curve of his back to his pert ass in his red briefs. Sid may have been a virgin but he wasn't naive. He knew all the different ways people could have sex. He knew how men had sex. He had looked at girls' bottoms before and he knew he was looking at Zach's in the same way. He felt his dick start to expand once again.

This time Sid knew it wasn't an accident or a mistake. Thoughts and emotions roiled inside him. Shame, guilt, disgust, anger. He knew where those came from. Sid's bible-thumping father made sure his son knew what sin was. But there was also sadness. Helplessness. Loneliness. Desire. Those Sid couldn't understand. Despite the turmoil in his mind, he continued to look. Desire was the emotion he focused on. He wasn't sure where it came from but he knew he wanted it to remain, most of all. Lust kept his attention and his imagination focused on Zach's body.

Zach soon noticed him and turned away from the mirror.

"Oh, sorry," Sid feigned surprise and looked away. "I thought you-"

"It's fine," Zach interrupted.

Sid cautiously let his gaze drift across the floor towards his friend. Zach was leaning against the door with his legs crossed. Sid's eyes drifted to Zach's feet, then up his smooth legs, and the stopped to leer at the bulge in his red briefs.

Sid wanted to keep looking but knew Zach must have seen him. He looked away and held up the DVDs.

"I thought we could watch something while we ate..." he said.

Sid was nervous. Zach probably knew as well as he did why he had walked into his friend's room unannounced. But Zach hadn't said anything so Sid would try to keep up the pretense. Part of him didn't want Zach to acknowledge his licentious gaze while part of him didn't want his friend to ignore it. He imagined reaching out and touching Zach's body. Touching all of it. He didn't dare. He knew what people would say, what they would think, and what his father would do. He couldn't do anything but look.

"Sure. Either one is fine," Zach said, breaking Sid's reverie. "I'm just gonna shower real quick. I'll be out there in a minute."

"Cool," Sid said, glancing at Zach's face and then turning to leave.

"Sid..." Zach said. Sid stopped.

"Yeah?" Sid asked and looked up at his friend again but made sure his eyes stayed above Zach's shoulders this time.

"I don't mind if you look," Zach said with his beautiful, pink lips curled into a smile.

Sid turned back to look at Zach, again. He examined Zach's face as if his best friend was trying to trick him but only saw a tender expression. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest. He swallowed and let his eyes wander down Zach's chest and down his flat stomach to rest on his bulge. Sid's cock was so stiff he could feel it pressing against the front of his pants and wondered if Zach could see it as well.

Zach turned and took a step into the bathroom. He ran his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear like he was adjusting it and then looked over his shoulder at Sid. He pulled them down in the back, exposing his ass, and lingered there a moment. Sid stared at the pale, bare flesh of Zach's ass with marked desire. He glanced up to see a pleased expression on Zach's face and then back down.

Zach turned around. He stood before Sid with his hands on the front of his briefs and his head hanging down, dark hair obscuring his eyes. He stooped, pulling his underwear down, and stepped out of them. He straightened up but cupped his hands over his crotch. His head was still tilted down.

Sid still had nagging thoughts that what he was doing was wrong but he continued to ignore them. He looked and wanted Zach's body but at the same time, he didn't approach. He couldn't.

Sid looked at Zach as he lifted his head and they looked into each other's eyes. Sid was torn with emotion even as Zach smiled at him. He was confused even as they both glanced down and Zach uncovered himself. Zach brought his hands up to his chest and stood before his best friend completely exposed.

Sid's breath caught in his chest as he gazed at Zach's nude body. He looked at his friend's hips. His eyes drifted from Zach's hips, down to his crotch, down to smooth cock and balls. Zach's balls were hanging low and his penis was in front of them, long and full, the head exposed. It was slowly moving higher as Sid stared, his mind was full of conflicting urges.

"Your mouth is open," Zach said smugly.

Sid glanced up at Zach and then back down at his friend's cock, again. He swallowed and took a faltering step backwards.

"I better go... pizza..." Sid said.

Zach chuckled. "I'll be out in a minute," he said with a little smile.

Sid stumbled back into the living room and dropped onto the couch. He heard the shower start and tried to push the thoughts and images of Zach's naked body out of his mind. Fuck, he thought. He had a huge erection. He slipped his hand into his pants to adjust his boxers and ended up grabbing his boner tightly. He didn't think he had ever been this hard. Fuck. A thousand thoughts filled his mind and he tried to make sense of what he was feeling.

He wanted to fuck Zach. He knew it. He knew it deep inside where he kept his real secrets. Not the lame secrets like whether or not he did his homework or when he pretended to pray without meaning it. The deep secrets like the porn he watched and the way he looked at the girl with the short hair at that pool party and when he masturbated in the church bathroom. He gripped his cock and imagined sliding it between Zach's ass cheeks and he knew that was the real Sid.

Sid frowned. He took his hand off his cock and walked over to the TV. He tapped the front of the console, pulled the game disc out, and slipped in the movie. He went back to the couch to wait for Zach and the pizza.

Sid pushed away his thoughts about Zach. He pushed them down and imagined locking them away, with the rest of himself. He didn't get to be that guy. He was just the Sid that sat through church every Sunday and hid his metal albums so his parents didn't find them and would wait till he was in college to get a girlfriend. He had his little rebellions and his parents didn't know about them and everyone could stay happy with each other. Some things were going too far, he knew. Some things couldn't be hidden so easily. He didn't want to fight his parents and he didn't want things to change. Sid knew he would have to tell Zach to stop. He would have to make him understand that they couldn't keep doing this.

He sat on the couch and waited, contemplating his next move, trying to decide what to say to his best friend, how to explain that they couldn't be what Zach wanted them to be.

"Hey," Zach said.

Sid quickly turned to see his best friend standing in the hallway. He was only wearing a tight-fitting T-shirt and a short pair of boxers. His hair was still wet from the shower and he had just combed it. He had just shaved, as well. He was smiling and his eyes were shining. He was glowing. He walked over and sat on the couch next to Sid.

"Hey," Sid replied. He looked into his best friend's eyes. He wished he could have kissed Zach in the garage that day.

No, he didn't. He reminded himself that they couldn't go any farther.

The doorbell rang and Sid jumped up to get the pizza. He brought the boxes into the kitchen while Zach grabbed some plates. They opened a 2-liter and poured themselves drinks, grabbed their plates and headed into the living room, dropped onto the couch and started a sci fi movie.

It was fun. The pizza, the drinks, the movies... Zach. Sid was happy. He tried to be happy. He loved this, he loved hanging out and relaxing. But it was still nagging at him. In the back of his mind. It wasn't the same as it was before. It wasn't as innocent. He had to talk to Zach. He knew he had to straighten things out between them.

Zach was happy. Sid had no doubts about that. His best friend was laughing and joking with him. They were so comfortable. Sid didn't want to disrupt that. He wanted Zach to be happy. So he pretended not to notice the lingering looks Zach gave him. He didn't push away Zach's hand when it came to rest on his knee or his shoulder. He didn't scoot away when Zach sat so close to him on the couch. He was only doing it so that he didn't ruin the evening. That was the reason, he told himself.

Once the movie had finished they just sat back on the couch while the credits scrolled up the screen. Sid looked over at Zach who was turned toward him with one arm resting on top of the back pillows. Zach looked content and smiled at Sid without speaking.

Sid knew he needed to say something. He had to tell Zach that they couldn't be... Couldn't be what? Friends? Together? He looked back at Zach who had turned to pick up the console controllers.

"I want candy," Zach said, "Loser has to go on a snack run."

Sid smiled. He loved this.

"You're on," he said, taking one of the controllers.

The match was quick. Sid lost.

"Best two of three!" he said.

"Fine," Zach said.

Two of three became five of seven and by the time the last match ended they played another just for fun. Zach was generally better but Sid managed to stay just a few games behind. They got bored of the competition after a while and switched to a different game. It was well past midnight before they stopped, snacks forgotten.

Sid tried to stifle a yawn and when he looked over Zach was stretching.

"Want to call it a night?" Sid asked. "We can hit the beach in the morning."

"Sure," Zach shrugged.

Sid sighed. He still hadn't spoken to Zach. He had been distracted and they had been having so much fun. He would talk to Zach tomorrow. It would be fine.

Sid turned off the console and they took their dishes into the kitchen. Zach put the pizza away and Sid headed to the guest bathroom.

When he came out most of the lights in the house were out. There was a dim light coming out of the doorway into Zach's room. Sid took a ragged breath and let it out, wondering what he would see if he looked through that doorway. He wondered what Zach was thinking. What Zach wanted. He supposed he didn't have to wonder. But he didn't dare.

Sid exhaled and stepped into the hallway. He walked up to the doorway and then in front of it, turning to look into Zach's bedroom. Zach was on his queen-sized bed still wearing a t-shirt and boxers. He was reclining on his side and doing something on his phone. When Sid stepped in front of the doorway, Zach looked up and smiled.

Sid would talk to Zach tomorrow. That would be fine.

"Uh... night, Zach," Sid said.

"Night, Sid," Zach said softly.

Sid hurried back into the living room and flopped onto the couch. It would be fine.

Sid had brought a pillow and a thin blanket with him. He had stayed over at Zach's house many times before. He stretched out on the couch and pulled the blanket over him. His feet were sticking off the end of the couch, propped up on the armrest. He remembered when he used to fit on this couch.

"You can't possibly be comfortable like that," his friend said.

Sid sat up on his elbows and saw Zach standing at the threshold of the living room and hallway. Sid knew no good would come of this. Zach had never mentioned the sleeping arrangements before and Sid wasn't that uncomfortable.

"I'm fine," he said. He was hoping Zach would accept that answer and leave him be.