Feuer Frei Ch. 02

"He, he got me to admit what had happened with Shaun, then he derided me for what we, me and Lucy had planned, he had worked it all out. That threw me completely, Lucy had made it sound fun a real adventure, coming from him it sounded disgusting, I was disgusted, with Lucy, Brian and her fuck toys, but more than that I was disgusted with myself. He had finally got through to me, I had finally understood what he had been telling me for months. I explained more of the relationship between Brian and Shaun, and that just made him angrier."

I noticed I was trembling again, I attacked my tea, it was cold but I swallowed it anyway.

"He then really confused me he started talking as if he would allow me to have sex with someone else, I told him I wasn't sure and then he went and threw up, or at least I thought he did. When he came back he asked me when I planned on becoming a whore, I was horrified, I wanted him to let it drop, I no longer wanted to do it, but again and again he called me a whore a slag and told me I would end up alone. For christ's sake I knew he was right, I just wanted him to stop, to give me a cuddle, accept I had been a dumb bitch and forgive me, but he didn't. He didn't touch me, didn't reassure me, he just allowed me to beat myself up."

My head had began to spin again, I waited a while for it to clear. Sandra clasped my hands with hers.

"He then suggested having Lucy, Shaun and Brian over for dinner, to discuss the idea. He said once he had heard everyone's views he would have a think about it. He made me promise that apart from dinner and a possible one of fuck, I was to have absolutely nothing to do with any of them ever again, he also said I would have to give my notice in at work. Fuck..." I suddenly realised I had not phoned in today to excuse myself. I picked up my phone did that immediately. When I hung up I was astounded, it must have shown on my face.

"What's wrong Debs?"

I was in a daze, I heard Sandra's words and just responded, tears falling again.

"Joe, Joe he phoned in for me, he spoke to Dave and got him to pull my resignation, Dave said to take the next couple of days off, and to let him know if I need more time, oh why have I been so bad, such a total shit to my man?" Why is he so good to me? even now he is looking out for me."

"You were right earlier." Said Sandra. "If he didn't love you so much, he would have been gone weeks ago."

I nodded, choking back my tears, Sandra gave me some water to drink. She told me to take a rest and went to the loo, I think I heard her talking either on her phone or radio. I made us a fresh pot of tea. Sandra joined me just as I was pouring it out.

"I have some news for you, Joe has had his police bail extended the assault charge has been upheld for the attack on Shaun, but the CPS cannot decide whether to charge him with manslaughter or not, off the record, no-one I have spoken to, thinks it will go any further. As for the others, both Lucy and Mark have been put on remand until trial. There are no charges against Shaun.....Yet."

"I don't understand?"

"You don't have to worry about Mark and Lucy, they are locked up and will stay that was, as long as they are found guilty. It will be a few years before they can be a threat to you. Joe was charged the other night, well Saturday morning for the assault on Shaun, but because of the gun and the home invasion it was decided not to charge him for what happened to Winston, the CPS has not made a decision yet because, well basically they probably doubt he will be found guilty and they are a bunch of spineless bastards and it would cost too much to take him to court. By the way I never said that."

"What about Shaun?" I asked

"Well unless Brian presses charges, the only thing we have to work with is really only your perceived threat on Friday and even if Brian does press, a half decent brief will argue it was consensual so really nothing, we can't actually prove he broke any laws."

I shuddered at the thought. Shaun was the one that always seemed to be in control, even the few times I had met him that was apparent. Lucy and Brian just seemed to bend to his will.

"Are you sure he had nothing to do with those, those bastards coming round Friday night? I wouldn't be surprised to find out he was behind it." I said, suddenly fearful.

"There is nothing to say that he did, Lucy and Mark both denied he had anything to do with it."

"Lucy made a threat, as she left to take him to hospital, she told us it wasn't over."

"I don't remember reading that in either of your statements."

"I don't know what I said, for some reason I wasn't thinking clearly." I said sarcastically.

"Did you both hear her say it?"Sandra asked

"I don't know, but Joe was nearer to her than I was, he should have." I replied.

"I will ask him when he gets home, it shouldn't be long now should it?"

I looked at the clock, shocked at how late it was.

"Shit I hadn't realised the time, I have to start getting dinner ready, yes, no, he should be about an hour or so." I said jumping up and looking through the freezer. "Would you care to join us? If you haven't got to get back to someone. I don't like to eat in front of people."

"That would be nice, but I don't want to get in the way, I can ask Joe then leave you in peace. However I would like for you both to drop in the station to amend your statements, and er, and to answer a few questions. The ones I originally came to ask you." Sandra smiled with embarrassment as she said this.

"No it's no trouble, and I think I would be glad of the company and I suspect Joe would like someone here too, just so we don't have to talk."

Sandra seemed to gather herself then she spoke. "You have been confessing to me all day, I now need to make a confession to you. When I arrived this morning I came to question you about the events on Friday night. When you opened the door I would normally have cautioned you that your were being officially interrogated and it was being recorded. Can I assure you this was not my intent, but I didn't caution you because you were obviously distraught, I got side tracked and forgot my recorder was already on. I have all we have, sorry, you have told me on this digital recorder. I honestly think Joe and your marriage will benefit if he hears it. Also don't worry, because I didn't caution you, none of it is admissible so once Joe hears how you saw things I will clear the memory, would that be ok with you?"

"Err, yes that's fine, I think, if you really think it would help." I said, doubtfully."

"Yes your remorse is apparent, as is the way you were manipulated by your so called friend. I certainly think it will do no harm, It is obvious that you care deeply for one another."

For the first time in nearly a week I felt a glimmer of hope I forced a smile. "We have some sausages, I can do those, would you prefer mash or chips?"

"Either is fine with me?"Sandra replied, but I must admit it's been a while since I had bangers mash and beans."

"Bangers mash and beans it is then." this time the smile was genuine. I started to prepare dinner as Joe came in the back door. I turned to him with a welcoming smile. It disappeared, he only glared at me. Stifling a sob I resumed peeling the potatoes.

"Hello" he said speaking to Sandra. "How can I help you?"

"Mr Jones I have some questions about Friday night, however they can wait for a while, I would like to talk to you concerning your wife and some things she has shared with me today."

I didn't see him do it, but I felt the daggers in my back as he glared at me.

"I need to was and change first, can it wait?" He asked her as he took his boots off. I heard no reply, I assume she nodded as I heard him climb the stairs.

"He hates me doesn't he?" I sobbed.

"No, I don't think so. I think he is hurting and is having trouble coping with the things you have forced him to face. I think he is unsure how to deal with you, your marriage and himself. I think he is both frightened at the thought of losing you and what might happen if he doesn't."

I bent over, bawling my eyes out, my hair dropping into the bowl of water. I felt a reassuring arm around my shoulder.

"I supposed she has been feeding you bullshit about how I don't understand her." Joe spoke with derision. "Well it's true, I don't fucking understand her at all. I don't understand any of it."

I turned to look at him, I heard it in his voice as he finished his words, his eyes were shiny, filling up with tears. He turned from us and all but ran from the kitchen, Sandra followed him after a few seconds. I heard them speaking in the lounge. By the time Sandra returned the potatoes were boiling and the sausages were under the grill.

"He's listening to it now." she informed me.

When I dished up Sandra went through to tell him it was ready. She came back and said he wanted to eat alone, in the lounge. She took his food to him.

Over dinner I wanted to continue my story. Sandra said we could kill two birds with one stone, she had a rough idea from our statements but she wanted to clarify a couple of things. She did the official caution with me, and she wrote her questions and my answers in a notebook.

"So what happened when your guests arrived?"

"I greeted them and offered them all a drink, when I asked Brian what he wanted, Shaun told me he wasn't allowed anything to drink, I offered a soft drink and Shaun said to me in a very curt tone. "What part of not allowed a drink don't you understand? That really annoyed me, normally I would have ordered him out of my house if anyone had shown me disrespect in my own home, but Joe and I had come to an agreement after our argument, after he had convinced me of what I should have known from the beginning. I had certain things to do, certain things to make Joe's plan work."

"So you are saying it was a trap."

"No no, not really, at least I don't think so, at least not like you think."

"We'll come back to that, take me through what happened till Joe got home."

"Nothing much I left them in the lounge to get things ready for dinner, Lucy joined me and was telling me how much fun I was going to have later, sleeping with...Fucking Shaun, I kept trying to tell her that wasn't what the evening was about, but she wouldn't listen. When Joe got in he greeted me with a kiss and totally blanked Lucy when she tried too kiss him, I could see she was pissed off about that.

"Was he being deliberately provocative?"

"No he was just being Joe, he has a strong personal sense of morality, his own perception of right and wrong, he knew enough about Lucy to know he didn't want to talk with her more than he had to and he certainly wouldn't kiss her."

"What happened next.?"

"He stopped by in the lounge to say hello and then went upstairs to wash and change."

"Did you hear any conversations, any arguments before he went upstairs?"

I felt my face colour, I worried I was about to get Joe into trouble. Sandra looked at me, hesitantly I told her. "I heard Joe insisting Brian had a drink, then some music came on and then I heard Shaun complaining that he was watching something, I then heard Joe telling him neither he nor anyone else was watching as he put it Noel fucking Edmonds on his telly." I smiled. "He really hates Noel Edmonds. I then heard Joe going upstairs and then I heard Shaun telling Brian off for having a drink. I am not sure but I think Shaun took it off him and drank it himself."

"What happened when Joe came down."

"Nothing really, he went into the lounge, I could hear no conversation, absolutely nothing, but he did turn the music up a bit. After half an hour or so I asked Lucy to fetch them through as I laid the starters out. Shaun did try to sit next to me but I had already gone over the seating with Lucy, I told her that Joe insisted and if he didn't get what he wanted the evening would be over."

"How did Shaun take that?"

"He was restrained, but he was not happy. He liked to be in control, Joe wasn't allowing that."

"What did you all talk about?

"Well to start with it was the normal dinner party bollocks, inane polite conversation about nothing in particular, then after a few drinks Lucy forced the issue, the reason for the dinner."

"After a few drinks, so you were all drinking?"

"Well yes, no as I said earlier Joe doesn't drink much, but he is good at pretending to be drunk."

"Yes I don't understand, why does he do that?"

"It's silly really, but I have seen it work on a few occasions. Have you ever seen either of the films called the drunken master. They are martial arts films, where the hero has to be drunk to fight. Well Joe loves the idea, and has the opinion that if someone thinks you are drunk, really drunk they don't see you as much of s threat and will let their guard down. As I said it is silly but I have seen him do it, win fights against bigger people, because they thought he was shitfaced. He ran rings round me the other night in a verbal fight and I know he does that."

"You say he has had many fights, is he a violent man?"

"Joe violent? God no, he will only fight if he or someone he cares about is threatened."

"What happened when Lucy, as you say forced the issue."

"Well Joe started to quiz them about ,it all, you know the why, the wherefore, the history and the progression. Lucy seemed so proud of herself, Brian looked really uncomfortable and Shaun was just leering at me, god it makes my skin crawl to think of it. Then when Joe asked them what a typical session would entail, like when they went home tonight, that's last Friday not tonight obviously, everything changed."

"How do you mean everything changed?"

"Well for a start on the bright side, Brian got a boost from it, you could see his eyes light up. The shock and disappointment on Shaun's face was a picture, him and Lucy exchanged looks between themselves and Joe several times, before Lucy stammered out that she thought we would all be playing together." I grinned remembering the awkwardness of Lucy as her plans were dashed. "She then said it would be easier if Shaun showed us, but Joe put her down, jesus I am so proud of him, he told her that he needed to know someone better than just hello before he would say please fuck my wife, then he said." I giggled at the thought. "Especially with a man that likes Noel fucking Edmonds."

Sandra chorused Noel fucking Edmonds with me and we both laughed.

"Joe then asked Brian directly what he got out of it, he seemed unable, or unsure of what to say, Lucy spoke for him, Joe pushed a bit for answers and Lucy in her own twisted way assured us that Brian got nothing out of it. Joe excused himself for a toilet break, and while he was gone Shaun instructed Brian what to say to Joe when he got back. What's weird is, he paid no attention to what I may have thought about what he was instructing Brian to say, or whether I would have said anything to Joe. It really seemed as though any thoughts or feelings I might have on the matter were totally irrelevant."

A shiver ran up my spine as I suddenly understood, I really only would have been a sperm receptacle for Shaun and even that wasn't enough for him his true lust wasn't the sex but the control and the degradation of the people he was abusing. His main goal was power over the man.

"When Joe returned, Brian tried to recite his speech, but he couldn't, the poor man. So Lucy finished for him. Brian then excused himself and wanted the loo, he didn't move until Lucy gave him permission. Joe then turned to Shaun and asked him, how he got involved with Lucy and Brian. Once again as was arranged I set about one of my tasks. I left the room and met with Brian upstairs and gave him some money, apparently he wasn't allowed any. We listened for a taxi I knew Joe had ordered. When we heard it we crept down the stairs and I let him out, I remember it was really cold outside that night, there was a blast of cold air that came in through the open door as he left. I waited in the hall for a couple of minutes before joining everyone else. When I got back Joe was in full swing, wobbling and slurring away and he started deriding their so called open marriage, telling Lucy she didn't have a real marriage and eventually he called her a foetid come dump for losers like Shaun and that they were both worthless shits that had shit on a man they owe everything to. He told them to get out and never darken his door again. Shaun jumped up, I thought he was going to attack Joe there and then, but it was worse. He told Joe I had been fucking him for weeks, he lied. I hadn't, haven't I really didn't never, he made it up. Really Sandra, I didn't, its not true, please believe me, make him believe me." I fell forward onto my dirty plate sobbing my heart out burying my eyes in my arms.

"I do believe you Hun."

I sat up and looked to the doorway. There stood Joe, looking at me, tears rolling down his face.

"D' do you mean it?" I asked hesitantly as I stood and took a step towards him.

"Yes, after what I heard on here." He raised Sandra's recorder. "and what I heard you say in the last few minutes."

"You couldn't have heard all of that I all but whispered as I closed the distance between us."

"I heard enough to know you weren't totally at fault, but it's going to be a while before we can be anywhere right together, if at all. Do you two mind if I join you? I don't want to be alone."

"We can finish up tomorrow if that would suit you."

Joe and I looked to each other and both nodded.

"Yes I will see you tomorrow Sandra, if that's ok." I said

"That will be fine, see you tomorrow. Remember what I said Joe."

I looked at him and saw him nod. We saw her out together and I tried to hug Joe, he stiffened and said. "Sorry Hun, I still need to sort it all out, you should have listened to me."

"Of course Joe. When you're ready, can I ask what Sandra said?"

"Yeah, nothing really, just that your a stupid bitch."

My face fell, all the hope I had, left me that second. How could she raise my hopes like that....

"Oh and that you love me and couldn't be sorrier......But the problem is, I already know that, and if anything that's what makes it worse. I don't know where to go from here Hun, I really don't."

There was something we agreed on, I didn't have a clue either. We both stood there like lemons for a while.

"I didn't tell Sandra much about what we have gotten up to, none of the really dirty stuff."

"I know" His answer short and in some way distant.

"I am worried about telling her about, you know, the fire."

"Did you mention it in your initial statement, Friday?"

"No, I was too upset, it was all to do with when those men came in and what happened after, till we escaped."

"Can you lie for me?" he asked, his voice cold.

"Anything for you." I answered

His face showed anger for a second, I can imagine what thought flashed through his mind, either anything now, or anything but listen to me when I am trying to save our marriage.

"Don't mention it."again said without emotion.

"What?" I felt my face twist up as I tried to understand him.

"Don't mention the fire, the vodka." he elaborated.

"I don't understand."

"Don't volunteer it and deny it if you are asked directly."again the coldness of his voice disturbing me.

"Why? I don't understand."

"For now just because I asked you, Is that not enough?" this time he spoke, it was with urgency, a little annoyance.

"Yes, yes of course it is."

"I will take Jack to work tomorrow and leave him there, let me talk to what's-her-name first, you listen and when she talks to you, you verify what I tell her. Can you do that for me?"

"I' I'll try." I said, hoping I would be able to. His face showed his lack of faith in me. I asked him to go over it.

"What I will say will be one hundred percent true, but it won't be one hundred percent of the truth. I will tell her that he attacked me and that I defended myself, I will not mention the fireball trick and as far as anyone else is concerned it never happened."