All Comments on 'Final Breath'

There's more to it, though. I hope there'll be at least one more chapter.

I did not rate the story.

First time romance! Nothing like it! This is one of the best I've read. I really like the style of your writing. You can really see into the heart of your characters.Thank you.

all the threats that the other kids were making and everything???? I thought the story was great, but it definitely seems unfinished. You built up all this tension and then at the end the sexual tension is gone, but the underlying tension of the actual plot is still just sitting there.

I feel incomplete not knowing whether or not those other assholes are going to ruin / try to ruin this for the characters. Although, granted, I also did feel like they went a lot farther in spelling out their 'nefarious plots' than real people would, but I figured that was just to help give the reader all the information even if it was a little weird that they were like "Yeah, we're gonna humiliate them!" when most people would have been like "yeah, it's a joke, it's gonna be hilarious!" and not want to think about themselves in a bad light. But mostly... I just am feeling like the story is missing the conclusion to the biggest plot point.

I really really liked this story. Please keep up the good work!

filled with every emotion, hormones and pressure, TK U MLJ LV NV

bloom and become everlasting???? Ask the Dr...TK U MLJ LV NV

But (and there's always a but), while extremely well written technically, I felt like the dialogue was a little generic, especially during the sex scene. Teenagers don't speak and converse like that, not even the really intelligent ones. I feel like you missed out on just a hint of realism with this very minor flaw in an otherwise entertaining read. It's rare for me to read anything on Lit that's six pages long, but you had my full attention. Really great job ; and Erin is described beautifully - sexy and just "Goth" enough. Thanks for posting this one! - Kenny

i know this was for a contest, but you have characters and situations that can be expounded upon( jamie, jackson, billy) would think we all would like to to see that

this made me think of my best friend who also happens to be a goth. I call myself goth too even though I don't always dress like it. The way that the other kids treated the goth kids is very real sadly. I saw it at my school all the time. I am so happy Garret is able to accept Erin for who she is and doesn't want to change her.

You have done very well. I liked this almost as much as Kellie and Brad. You handled young first love perfectly. Two youngsters who grew up into different cultures reunited by love. Would really enjoy a sequel as they grow together. I see a lot of potential here, a lot. Just like with Kellie and Brad. Oh am waiting patiently too. :)

Thank you,

M1

really good, great charater development, good story line!

I agree with the statements below, good character development, good story line, well done.

More please...

This was one of , if not the best erotic story I've read. Great story line & character development . I enjoyed it so much- thank you.

Thank you, and good luck in the competition.

This story was amazing! Very well written and just all around fantastic!! Keep em coming

Great character development, great story arc, and of course, great sex at the end. Very good work, man.

I've read a lot of other entries for this years halloween contest, and I will have to say that this one is the best out of all of them. Keep up the good work, as I look forward to seeing more of your wonderfully-spun words in the future :).

Most of these stories are about 18 year olds. If Erin is just 5' tall and slender she probably has smaller breasts, maybe 34as, No need to make thme too large, that will come after she has some kids.

This is excellent work. Though I, like a lot of people it would seem, am interested to know how the next few days would pan out for the new lovers.

Normally I am reluctant to suggest future paths to a damn good story teller like you as I feel it impolite of me to try to get into and steer an inventive mind.

But I can not resist, I was wrapt in this story and would love to know more of our heroes.

This was such a good read. I loved every last part.

Good read. More than just wham thank you ma'am. Not just porn but a story

This author could write a novel, best story I have ever read on here, Characters seemed real and a good story line.

As a once upon a time fringe goth person with goth friends (black tape for a blue girl and all that) it really makes me sad that people can’t live and let live. Beautiful story. 5 stars! Now on to part 2....