All Comments on 'Finding Himself Ch. 03'

I have lost all interest in joe and this story...as well as that oh so classy guy ted...nothing like bringing lube and vibrator to first date to demonstrate your classiness

Ch 1 earned 4 stars, ch 3 was worth three. This was a 2 star effort. Not looking forward to your likely 1 star finish.

No-one to like or be interested in here. Sorry tale of cheats.

How many 1 star chapters you write, the total of 5 will get averaged to the same score 1, this is getting absured.

And as a one time UCSB student who finds himself in Florida, I sure enjoy the descriptions of the central California coast and wine country. Location as a "character" is always one of my favorite elements of fiction. I get to travel without dragging my ass across four time zones. Oh yeah, the other characters are alright too (haha). In fact, great cast of characters. Multidimensional, believable, and relatable. I could see several spinoff stories. Once again, thanks for sharing. *****, I look forward to chapters 4 and 5 (and more? ).

Just to thwart the anony crowd I gave you a five, not that I normally would have done so based on the story itself. There is a lot of true life in your story line and Joe is getting some lessons in the real world. Susan on the other hand is getting the fairy tale so far, which is fine as a contrast. Your story, but shaved pussy on mature women is getting really old. Leave it to the young crowd who want to hang onto their youth as long as possible.

It is ok but is just starting to feel sad.

Sam was dating Phil while selling her ass?

Was she fucking stupid to not tell him she was a whore before dating?

Interesting side story. I know Joe started this but I'm starting to dislike Susan and Ted.

Having trouble giving a damn about Ted, Joe, or Susan. They're all entitled jerks. Is there someone else we should be looking at? Maybe they'll show up in the next part?

Ted the character you wrote in this story just shot himself in the foot. Looks like he destroyed his own good marriage. You made him asshole .as for joe the friend just couldn't let his sexual urges to take teds wife to bed . When is the divorce.?

Well, I'm liking this, and I DO like Ted and Susan. I COULD feel a little sympathy for Joe, but he brought this all on himself, wanting to look for the excitement he wanted outside the marriage, when he made no effort to bring excitement INTO his marriage!

I wonder, if he does talk to Sam, what she's going to think about his refusal to give OR get oral sex!

Joe is your normal man.

Making mistakes.

Trying to find himself.

He's my hero.

A sad hero but my hero nevertheless!

Ted and Susan are just plain scum. Don't like them at all!!!

All the anonymous cucksters seem to forget the first part of the story, where Susan and Joe are legally separated, so Joe can run off and get some strange. This frees up Susan to get some strange also.

For me, I think that Ted and Susan should end up together. And maybe Joe can end up with the girl he likes (that won't do anything because he's married).

They weren't the ones to purposely leave a stable marriage & seek out a new bachelorhood; knowing full well what he intended on doing. Susan is at least the victim of Joe's choice. Ted could be seen as taking advantage of the situation but, recalling the story they have a history they precedes both of their marriages.

Joe really should have thought about the consequences to his decision. It seemed from chapter 1 that his choice was based on the flirty behavior of the one delivery driver. Well, now he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Funny I have a once in-law that did just about the same thing as Joe; although, it was more about a business prospect and a lot of travel but, it was with an aspect of finding himself. They decided to separate and ended up divorced.

One really needs to consider ALL consequences of leaving a good, stable marriage in order to "find themselves"; sounds a little too selfish of a reason to this reader all to end up lonely during their golden years.

I feel more sorry for Ted for loosing his wife beforre they could enjoy her retirement; good on him for at least getting on with his life. Granted, would give him more points if he would've waited until after Joe & Susan possibly divorcing but, they're also in their 50s and who wants to waste any time at that age?

Ted and Susan are really loving up a storm and Joe is paying the price for living in a dream world full of useless knowledge, like, don't go down on women because they smell bad. In this day and age....

And you said she wouldn't cheat......and then she intends to keep going on with it. Just another woman putting the woman over the man. Bunch of crap writers doing this kind of crap.

Gee, Hubby separates from Sweetie ... primarily to get some strange, then MAYBE favor her by taking the Fat, Loose Cunt, Saggy Tits* wife back, due to the goodness of his heart ... UNLESS he hits a homer with a Young, Tight and Pert lady who owns a successful liquor store! Then it is Adios to Sweetie. "Sorry, I found my TRUE self with YTP w/ SLS!".

Hubby has suspended the vows he made to Sweet (for his OWN benefit) which suspended them for Sweetie, as well (NOT her preference!). Hubby neglects (nay, is dismissive about) the reality that Sweetie has an attribute which is in high demand! A Pussy-Cunt-Twat! Kinda like 3 Aces in the hole! Hard to lose! And, as his true friend, The Widower, tried to warn him, the Separation Ploy would PISS-OFF Sweetie royally! She has NO vows to break, because Hubby cancelled them! He would probably have preferred to leave Sweetie in a chastity belt, just in case ... but separation papers don't work that way.

I have a feeling that Hubby WILL score in the next chapter, after getting MORE good sdvice from the Whore with a Heart of Gold ... which he will ignore as cavalierly as he did Widower's! And then REGRET mightily afterwards!

5*. masterful, so far! u

Sorry Joe your mistake the wife will spend more time with Ted, now having discovered her sexuality she will eventually divorce you, your loss.

,

It didn't need to be split in to 2 chapters, it needed to be culled by at least half.

She is a cheating slut and he is an idiot! Divorce her the house of his parents and the company are his so what??!! But that author is in cuckolding and thats his profession!!! A poor pathetic crap!!!

..idiot husband put marriage on HOLD. When he decided to explore other options (ie: strange pussy), wife was given a green light to do the same. Don't think he thought that one through! Even if he gets back with wife it won't be the same. SAD!

PS...Ya, I know it's just a story, but Joe is still a fool.

This is an omnibus comment on the whole series thus far. Since you already have it written I doubt that my comments will inspire you to change the course of the series, but at least you will be made aware of some issues with your writing. Some of the comments apply to other series I have read of yours, specifically Suspicion and Melting Away.

Bad mechanical habits:

You invariably use “discrete” rather than the correct “discreet”. This is especially surprising for someone who uses “passel” in a sentence. “Discrete” means you have separate or separable things, and “discreet” means someone is showing prudence, circumspection, and/or self-restraint. Just remember the one you want is almost invariably the one with the two “e” letters together to the left of the “t”, and not with the letters on each side of the “t”. This is a common problem in LW, but no reason for you to continue it.

Parenthetical asides in dialogue. No one uses PAs (I am pretty sure) in actual dialogue (see what I did there?). How could you really? There is no way to indicate to the hearer that what is being said is an aside to them as the audience. PAs are asides by the narrator to the reader. It makes no sense in dialogue between characters in the story. Don’t use them. (Unless you are in House of Cards or Ferris Bueller's Day Off and can turn to the camera when you speak. But here I am doing it again!)

Changing perspective in the same story. If you use a perspective, you have to stick with it for the whole story. So if you use First Person Limited (FPL), then you can’t go to Third Person Omniscient (TPO) for a while and then back to FPL. FPL is great for getting us into the perspective of the protagonist and making things seem immediate. It is a “hot” perspective, but the price you pay is that this view limits your action and knowledge thereof to what that protagonist can see and know. You can’t get into the head of other characters, and you can’t know what happens in places the protagonist is not. FPL has immediacy and realism as well as mystery since the view is limited and we are beholden to a “real” narrator, who can lie and otherwise be unreliable. TPO is good for letting us know the full story, but it is a “cool” perspective, a bit more detached and, of course, harder to make immediately real and highly dramatic. We know why you want both, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Pick one and stick to it. It is so confusing in this particular story as to who is even the protagonist, since you reserve the FPL to Ted, while Joe gets the TPO treatment. Is Ted really the protagonist? It seems you want to have Ted as the observer in this drama (though he is the instigator of much of it) but you seem interested in Joe’s side of the story rather than a mere interloper. But this is a problem because Ted obviously can’t know what is happening to Joe, so you insert the TPO to cover this problem, but then who is telling the story? This is also true in Suspicion where we are privy to things none of the characters could know (e.g. how the Cablenex meeting goes down with the director and Kathy’s boss) yet there is the unrelenting FPL of the husband driving that story. It is very confusing and violates one of the prime norms of writing.

Bad dramatic habits:

You seem to be bad at character behavior transitions. That is, when a person does something different from their normal character or life situation. So, in this story you have Susan blithely take up with Ted, fondling him under the table at dinner, and having wild sex with him right after, with pretty much no reluctance, second thoughts, or emotional consequences for her at all. She doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt or regret. You can’t have a completely faithful wife who was a virgin at marriage just turn around in an hour and have sex with another man, the second one in her whole life, without SOME repercussions to her self-conception. People are naturally reluctant to go outside of their normal character and you need to show that reluctance if we are to believe they are a real character and not just some puppet you are using to move the plot forward easily. She acts like a robot who, when faced with the absence of her husband, just nonchalantly takes up with the next male who makes himself available. I have mentioned this elsewhere as “slut freefall” and, unfortunately, you are guilty of it. Completely faithful wives don’t go from having only one man to doing everything with another man, including anal, all at one go. That is, they do not become instant sluts. Here in this story and in your other ones, there is this instant change and completely conscience-free sex where that wouldn’t make sense. Here, Susan even gives Ted her ass without Ted even asking for it, no pause at all. The wife should have some reservations, some concerns, some reluctance, and some guilt before and after the event, and certainly before more events take place. But she doesn’t. It not only makes her a completely unlikable cold fish (at best), but breaks us out of our suspension of disbelief. Certainly I don’t know why Joe should take such an easy slut back. I really don’t know why she was faithful all those years since she displays no feelings for her husband at all. The only one who has regrets is Joe. He is the only one who thinks about his wife and realizes how much he loves her. I would say that this is what makes readers sympathetic to Joe even though he brought much of it on himself. He just didn’t know his wife was really only waiting to become a slut for another man. (Personally I am hoping Joe doesn’t get back with her, but rather gets with that other cliche, the prostitute with a heart of gold.) In your story, Melting Away, you display this in another way, in order to get the woman to act in the manner you needed for the plot, you had to actually make the woman mentally ill. Certainly, you could be writing about a marriage between a man and a mentally ill woman, but it seemed to me that you were writing about a more everyman, or every husband, problem: a sexless marriage. And from the comments on that story certainly hit a nerve on that very issue, and not about living with a mentally ill spouse. The mental illness explanation fell flat and dampened the story dramatics and this was simply because you didn’t seem able to get into the psyche of your character enough to give her a realistic motivation for her actions, and her reluctance to change enough to save her marriage. Same in this story, we don’t get any struggle from Susan as a normal one-man wife to becoming so sexually liberated that she not only takes a lover in the space of a day, but the next day takes him up her virgin ass as well. No motivation is really given or thought through. It just becomes empty words, the pointless action of a sex robot to move the plot with little or no drama. It shocks but it does not satisfy the reader. Why would Joe want to get back with a sex robot?

You also tend to make your protagonists cold calculating fish. I get the feeling that Ted in this story is very much like you, cerebral, but his part ends up reading like a sex instructor. No one says, in a calmly measured voice, that they are going to come WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO COME. It is just weirdly dispassionate and detached. It is supposed to be passionate sex and it reads like a sex manual. You do seem to like writing about plans and so on, but you have to make the characters more interesting. Joe is the most interesting character in the story, but you leave him completely ignorant of what is even happening in the story that he has little happening in his story other than failure. He doesn’t even know his wife went away for the weekend with a lover, let alone his friend Ted, who has betrayed him. He is the clueless inept husband of the story who has all the crap piled on him, but he doesn’t even know it and won’t until the boom is dropped in a future chapter. What a poor sap! All we can do is feel sorry for him. I don’t know what the plan is for this story, but if it is to make Joe pay for his audacity and ill-thought out words to his wife, then you don’t need five chapters to do it, one 3-page story would be fine. You could at least be merciful and not draw out his husbandly humiliation and marital demise.

I agree with other commenters that the story is confusing as you have not created any likeable characters, all are very flawed with Joe being the least flawed. As it turns out, since he started it all (or just because he is the husband?), he is in the process of getting his own poetic comeuppance by being hoisted by his own petard even though he is the saddest sack there is. Combine this with the weird perspective shifts, and giving FPL to Ted, it is unclear who the protagonist is, with it being weird that if Ted is the protagonist, he has the least involvement and least to lose of all the characters. He is just a kind of participant observer. I am withholding scoring until the whole series is out (I don’t score individual chapters separately, they will all get the same score as the series), but right now I am leaning towards a 2-3 star rating. You do write well, despite the some bad mechanical and dramatic habits, but in the end the score is in the story and this story has real problems. Again, if this is just going to be a story about how Joe gets his ass handed to him and he has to return to his slut wife with his tail between his legs or live a sad life since his wife has traded up, I will be sorely disappointed. You could have told that whole story in a single chapter and saved us a lot of time waiting and reading.

Wow. Your input about PS stories is truly amazing. I wish I had someone pointing out at my mistakes as you have done with this author. You addressed several issues that I had also noticed but didn't know exactly how to point them out. I hope Postscriptor read what you wrote and takes into consideration your suggestions. This is what I call constructive criticism.

To just point out just one thing, I agree 100% about the "robotic behavior" of the main characters. Their actions (and reactions) don't feel real at all.

Thanks for the compliment. I do wish to be constructive.There is something alluring about this author's work and I want to like it a lot more and without reservation. That more than anything explains why I took the time to give such a lengthy reply. Hopefully, he finds something in my comments worthwhile.

As has been pointed out so well by Cyferx and others, this is a confusing story. The characters are confusing in their rolls (I really think the Escort is an interesting character that could be developed into a very good character).

The sad thing is this is a story with potential. Pull it, rewrite with a good editor and you may be surprised with the results.

What happened to the other chapters?

I'd rather live alone than with someone who doesn't love me. I think Joe knew something was wrong. He left to find out what was missing. Now he's away from his wife and she doesn't miss him, it's clear she lost her feelings for him. He's better off finding someone who appreciates him for who he is.

Author promised to have part 4 posted days ago.

Not that story was that good but was curious about how big a party girl the wife became

Hopefully the reason this is past due is a massive rewrite. PS has lost his touch. There are no likeable characters. All three are stupid, mindless idiots. At least SS06 only has one dumb person. Three? It's like vomit on a stick.

Maybe it would have read better as one story instead of splitting into bite size chapters.

I wonder to if PS will simply abandon it. Couldn't blame him.

For a Legend, this is a legendary fail.

Come one! Didn’t believe this story could get even worse. You’ve managed to make Ted and Susan scum and Joe almost reasonable.

Commenter hated chapters 1 and 2, yet still read chapter 3. Now that's a compelling story.

Heartless Cunt wife who clearly does not love her husband and was causing him so much pain and torture from her that he finally gave up which made the Cunt happy that she could be with her new man and still make her loser husband pay the bills. Aren't the husbands always losers who never win. To many Cunt writers who hate husbands. It's no wonder real men treat women like they deserve. Boring pathetic story. Oh and we are all anonys even ones with fake names. I don't see any of them having their real name and home address in their profiles, so just fuck off you winy bitches.

Legendary terrible fucking story

I'm enjoying the story but why did have to be at work at 8 if he's retired.

Nice to stroll down memory lane as I stayed in Paso Robles while working at Camp Roberts. I loved the wine country south-west of PR towards the coast side on 101, where the small mom-n-pop winery's are. Solvang is a unique place imitating a Bavarian village with all those antique shops. Buellton had a nice C&W nightclub but ya had to wear boots, jeans and big belt buckle to fit in. So far this story is about dead on.