All Comments on 'Fineprint'

You have posted two incredible (complete) stories in as many days.

I have enjoyed both of them immensely. Thanks for sharing them.

That was really good! I'm glad I checked when I did...

I've relished reading both your stories here, they simply stand out way above the usual fare.

Characters, storyline, progression, consistency... I'd be willing to bet that these stories are far from your first attempts at writing, they are way too accomplished for that.

Your choice of the clueless protagonist is a time honored method in Fantasy and I personally enjoy this very much. The reader goes along and learns about the people and the world through Dennis' eyes. This works well and was expertly done here.

Just to highlight one scene in particular. When Xhe confronts Dennis after his stay with Ursi, it is the resolution of tension built up throughout the story and it was just so well done.

The coming into his own by Dennis, the role reversal, everything builds on what came before and makes so much sense in context. Satisfying on many levels.

I've been reading SF/FF for more than 30 years, everything from Heinlein and Asimov to modern writers such George R. R. Martin and Patrick Rothfuss.

You have a future in this.

The only minor criticism I have, and it's minor indeed, is the fact that while your writing is already cuts above the average here, you could do with a decent copy-editor. There are some word-choice issues and grammatical errors left. None of it is enough to break the immersion of the reader, but the story is so good, it's worth dotting the i's and crossing the t's.

Can't wait to see what you will come up next.

I'm not a huge fan of femdom, which thus far seems to be a prevailing theme, at least with the two stories you've posted. However, this story isn't strictly that. I love how even though Dennis lacked in physical prowess, he was able to capitalize mentally and turn the tide at last.

I completely enjoyed both stories. I typically skip femdom and weak male roles, but Dennis actually surprised me. I actually laughed with him during the confrontation with Xhe. I didn't expect that.

I look forward to seeing more from you. I hope that at some point you may indulge some of those like me and write a story that is less femdom. Not precisely maledom, perhaps....equal footing. The story mentioned a fight before breeding, such a fight would be interesting through your perspective. Not a critique, just a small request for some point in the future.

Thanks for the high praise guys, I'm really glad you're enjoying my work.

I threw all of my stories into the approval pipeline at once and Literotica seems to be uploading them in no particular order, this story is actually part of a series (though it's written so it can be read standalone).

Hopefully over the next few days the others will be uploaded too.

If you see anything with a numbered title, please refrain from reading it until the prior entries are uploaded, I assure you they're on the way!

Also, please note that free chaptered Ebooks of all these stories are available on my website, there's a link in my profile.

I stopped reading when 'Cola' started to rape him.

I did find Cola and her sister guard situation a little odd, but a little more background into how humans have been typed as hyper attractive beings or what not to the "Cats" culture may have helped.

Really enjoyed the story. Not a huge fan of femdom, but a compelling story trumps everything else. My only real complaint was that the ending was so abrupt. What would the Patriarch do when the first group left? Would he allow other groups to leave? Was there some political issues on Earth that allowed the Russians to grant the Polars asylum while the rest didn't? What happened with Xhe? She finally seemed to accept him as Alpha, and he was just going to leave her.

Even though this was a long story, I felt it could have been 50% longer, just to tie up those loose ends. Again, not real complaints, as this is a 5 star story.

I see that you have a second part in your pastebin (as well as more in this universe). Please ignore my comments about the abrupt end.

He was a semi inept intergalactic diplomat who always seemed to come out right in the end. But your story is much sexier, and to some degree more believable. Keep up the good work.

A further bit of research into feline mating habits & anatomy should have been done. Also, there is the small matter of the human uvula that was not considered. Some alien feline's rough tongue reaching back far enough to enter the throat? One little brush of the uvula, and there would have been vomit - or at least gagging - entering their oral play right at that moment. This is the sort of missed levels of detail - especially in the sexual and anatomical areas - which impinged a little too far on my ability to suspend disbelief throughout this otherwise interesting story.

Overall, I found this to be a well-written effort and a nifty little world you're spinning up for our collective enjoyment. A few plot holes disturbed my thinking though. Any Ambassador would have had briefings - and among those would have been, many subjects, like planetary/astrometric data (calendar stuff), and at least some rough data on cultural, political, and sociological subjects, like the antiquity (or not) of their civilization, and a dozen other areas, like commerce and development strategies to consider (and avoid) introducing at the level of an Ambassadorship.

No matter how ill-fitting an ambassadorial volunteer may be, there will have been briefings, and technology training (like how to use the communications gear, and what things can be shared, and what things cannot be shared, technology-wise).

Also, there will be some level of intelligence-related work involved in Diplomatic posting - I'm not talking about James Bond stuff, but more along the lines of the work-a-day stuff the CIA puts together in book form on foreign nations on Earth today. The boring, but essential briefing-book sort of stuff.

Also, I would HIGHLY doubt that an off-world Ambassadorship or diplomatic mission would ever occur as a 1-man show. There would be staff people to assist - linguists, clerks, visa-handling matters and the like all would play into a scenario like this one. (Oh, and Research Scientists & Medical people would have been part of a Diplomatic Mission contingent on an alien world also - since you sprang right into the whole sexual arena (understandably, given your subject matter), then there are things like STDs - strange, new alien ones too - to consider.

A I said, I liked it - 4*'s worth, but these sorts of questions and issues detracted from the story for me.

you have talent for writing Snekguy.

I've enjoyed both of your stories! Hope you continue to write.

The title says it all! As for the comment below "more study of the feline ....". Hey, it's your story! They could of had 4 breasts and two tails! Who are they to tell you how your 'aliens' look!

A job well done ... thank you ...

Thank you for sharing. I really liked a lot of the "old school" Sci Fi touches that are included. I was especially impressed with how you modeled and created an alien psychology.

You crafted an amazing world; somehow bringing new and interesting ideas to the "cat people" setting that I've read so many times. You wrote it beautifully and your pacing was great, leaving me wanting more each time I told myself to take a break.

However I can't enjoy this immense and incredible story to the fullest, as the femdom genre is the opposite of erotic to me. Still, even though after a few pages I could tell where this was (more or less) going sexually, the story you spun kept me curious enough to read to the end. Somehow even though I was permanently annoyed and slightly disgusted by the main character's reactions, your writing kept me from stopping.

Incredible job.

I was shocked at how well written this was on Literotica. You really created a world that sucked us in and characters we felt emotionally invested in.

You've created a awesome story and world! I hope you will continue with the Queen and her Ambassador on earth. Maybe a side story of the new Ambassador, and how he or she gets along with Xhe. Thank you for the wonderful read. BTW, I love your first story too. Your a fun and very talented writer!

As others have mentioned, femdom is not really my "cup of tea." However, despite that, you wrote an interesting and entertaining story that kept me reading. I hope to see more from you in the future (with any luck something more to my fancy).

Just as the title says. I thoroughly enjoyed your story! Excellent detail and excellent domination-submission aspects. I'd like to be dominated by the Queen and have a taste of her kissing skills.

I was looming forward to your next story after having read you first. Tou did not disappoint. I really enjoyed all the details and images you painted. Thank you and please continue, I'm looking forward to your next work.

You can't do that to us lol... Like others FemDom is not my thing as i am a Dom myself yet despite that fact the sexual aspect managed to turn me on regardless of that fact which i credit to your incredible writing style, I agree with previous comments that there is a lot of potential to this story and i hope to see more :)

Tazzy

I love the universe that you built and it would be an awful shame if there wasn't more in it!

Writing style is also on point. Sex scenes are pretty sweet too. Not a massive femdom person but still had me read 20 pages worth so that's saying something

Good job, keep it up

A truly great story and a wonderfully creative universe. I sincerely hope that you plan on writing more stories with Dennis and Ursi.

If i want to read scifi or fantasy femdom, i'll read taiyakisoba's. At least his female characters showed warmth while the male ones proved to be likable enough and not as wimpy and weak-willed as this dennis. Just read the paladin story at sol, don't submit it here, though crashland is pretty awesome because it showed just a portion of an alien landscape and streamlined without the sudden change of perspective in storytelling unlike here.

Great read, thank you.

Just letting you guys know that the sequel to this story has finally cleared the approval queue and is available on my page.

Great read. Well writen, not heaps load of sex but greatly detailed scenes. Loved the story aswell. Thumbs up to it, pitty I cant gove more than 5 stars.

and with a view from space given us a study in interpersonal relationships.

My fear is Pt. 02 will add an element of politics to the story.

oh well

If the Russian Federation is exploring the universe for possible locations for colonization will there really be enough territory to move Ursi and her people?

Will Xhe be travelling with them?

Time to find out

I love the enthusiasm and the investment in building the characters and the world. Thank you for not making Dennis have 25" cock and screwing the entire planet.

It's nice to see that humans haven't completely destroyed their planet in the future. At first sight Russians don't look like assholes that everyone assumes they are.

Excellent story. thank you

This looked like a really good story, but after Dennis was such a dumb little fukboy with Cola, I couldn't stand reading any more of it. I mean, seriously, reacting that positively to rape? Broke my s.o.d. pretty hard. And that's saying something considering I was willing to accept the whole giant cat humanoids with pack social structure.

I was laughing when I read the last comment, react positively to rape? ....well, it's hard to completely call it rape when you're secretly enjoying it not only physically but mentally too, lol!

The story was awesome! I was really thrilled that it stayed interesting enough from beginning to end that I didn't want to put it down!

It was just delicious! I wonder if he is going to take Xhe with him when they leave? She is in his pack and fairly entrenched, ahem, now. ;). ...besides, it would be cruel to leave her, you know, once you've gone human.... Hehehe!

I find I'm always split while reading your stories(well the Pinwheel series anyway), I seem to love 'em and hate 'em in equal measure.

The encounter with Cola was just too much. Death threats aren't my kind of sexy, and they make it kind of hard to take Dennis seriously when he just ignores them.

Of course it was kind of hard to take him seriously when his character was so inconsistent. First he's comes off as a bit of jerk; happy to let the Borealans believe his position is more important than it really is. Then at the fishing and hunting villages he seems like he actually cares about the people(playing with the kitten and noting that the Patriarch should be spending his money to improve his people's lives). But come banquet time his thoughts are about the Coalition making the right move going with Elysia because he's got everyone else under his thumb. No mention of all those issues he told himself he would bring up. Then once he hears Ursi's plea he's back to being the kindhearted and caring diplomat for the rest of the story.

I would say that my biggest issue was one that has come up before. With Pinwheel your military-fiction lacked military knowledge, with Rig Runner your science-fiction lacked scientific knowledge, and with Fineprint your political-fiction lacked political knowledge.

The position of ambassador to an alien planet was posted for in a lawfirm's breakroom? Seriously? That doesn't even begin to make sense. And no kidding his request for asylum was denied. With no info provided and no report of the political impact was he really expecting anything different? I'm not an ambassador and I could have seen that coming.

On a less harsh note. The sex(outside the Cola scene) was as hot as ever. Ursi is probably the most alluring character you've created thus far. She's such a great blend of elegant domineering and passionate warmth. She's undeniably Borealan and yet at the same time very clearly distinguishes herself as a subspecies. She definitely made the story worth the read.

"What would the kzin be like if the females were intelligent and dominant?"

Well, girls, we have this story here to answer the question we all asked when we put down Ringworld by Larry Niven.

I liked this story. It was a fully-realized world with the setting impacting the characters. Gravity hurt. The meat was all the same until Dennis could start to distinguish the subtlties of the Kzin cooking. And every female wanted to fuck our John Q. Doe, not because he was tailented and hung, but because he so pissed them off, then had to put him in his place, under them.

I didn't like Xhe got short-shrift. She loves Dennis, she deserves him, not Queen "I'm using you for my people's gain" Ursi. Ursi was all calculation, but Xhe had an endearing sweetness to her: blooding the guard and calling Ursi a whore. She fell hard for Dennis, and Dennis could fall for her, too, if he opened his eyes.

But sometimes love (infatuation) is blind. And sometimes guys are stupid.

'sometimes.'

I just hope Xhe gets a man, maybe even Dennis, who is worthy of her, and treats her right, with love, and respect, and fucks the goodness gracious out of her, when she needs it good and hard.

I'm a romantic that way.

kisses, `phfina

I like the story line mostly, i love most sci-fi, I just can't get away with the sex, a weak little man and stronger woman is not sexy to me, also there was a line when he was getting a massage in the water, went something like putting his finger in his mouth, WTF man, I thought he was a man not a little anime girl.

"I want to lodge a complaint with the UNN," she slurred. "The Ambassador doesn't want to fuck me."

did not read most of it

. . . exceptional !!!

good SiFi interesting culture and planet with the binary stars ... part 2 should be interesting

Frankly, the traditional Elysian and Rask social structures are so intellectually stunted that it would be a gross statistical anomaly if these retarded felines were even able to invent a diesel engine. If you wanted to make people feel glad or proud to be human, Snek, you succeeded, because the Elysians and Rask are a pathetic pack of narcissistic dolts.

Read maybe 8 pages but not worth reading any more. Fine if you like dominate females man handling the guy. My problem is how dumb Dennis is. He doesn’t grasp any idea of how he should act. I don’t like reading about this character.

Such a pity you didn’t bother to read to the end. Dennis does eventually begin to better understand their alien viewpoints. It’s a steep learning curve for him, yet he rises to surpass expectations. Not that femdom is my kink, Anonymous, but it’s sad your mind is too narrow to appreciate the character development and growth regardless. Better stick to the one page strokers you usually read. Thank you for sharing your talents with us, Snekguy.

Downplaying and stepping around straight up rape as is an incredibly unpleasant part of this story. Worse still it doesn't seem to differentiate that and the more femdom stuff.

Bravo!

Almost gave up after the 1st page. Seriously? This idiot volunteered to go to a far away planet, and made zero effort to research where he was going? No one, with any basic level of intelligence, let alone someone who's supposed to be an Ambassador would go in so idiotically unprepared.

Thanks for the story, I enjoyed reading it.

10/10 furry dommy mommy.

Your characters and the world you came up with are great but the story needs a lot more thought put into it if you care about it. As is it doesn't make a lot of sense. First of all, the title. As far as I can see, the only thing in the story connected to the title is the MC's job as a newbie lawyer. Second, the lawyer origin has zero effect on the story. He might as well be a janitor or an F1 driver. He's not involved in any court proceedings plus his lawyer background doesn't do jack shit for fluent speaking with and appeasing royalty of an alien species. Posting the job notice in a law firm makes it seem like the UN is deliberately trying to sabotage the diplomatic relations when they need them to stay good. Or maybe they're just idiots.

Idea: Have the Main Character be a newly hired assistant to a UN bigshot (now you have the contrast of a nobody assistant becoming an "important" somebody with his own assistant AND you atleast have some diplomatic background for his royal encounters). He only got the job since him mom, who is at the top of the UN, thinks he's a moron who can't do anything right. She also tells him that often and puts him down (this is also an explanation of his mommy issues). Now, the UN top brass hatches a plan to keep the idiot cat ruler focused on trinkets and junk he sees as marvels of technology in exchange for a steady supply of sturdy and obedient frontline troops. To further that goal they make up a job listing for an "UN ambassador to the cat aliens" that they know no one will apply for since the mad cats are basically savages. They plan on planting one of their own guys as the "ambassador" who will praise the ruler and keep him in check and distracted. They send word to HR that they already found a perfect person for the job and that the listing can be closed as soon as the application is submitted. Unknown to them our MC sees the posting. Driven by his dream of a fairy tale adventure, the yearning to get away from the dullnes of his life, and the desire to please his mother, MC fills out an application and submits it to HR directly. Since his last name is the same as the UN boss lady they mistakenly approve his request thinking he's the one UN brass told them about. They file the necessary paperwork and close the job posting. Since the paperwork is already submitted UN brass can't risk retracting the application since it will draw suspicion to their agenda. Thus MC is gets the job and is shipped off world.

Now you have a better origin story that fits nicely with the rest of it. Third, I personally wouldn't just ignore the Cola rape situation and write it off as "oh my dicky got hard I must like it". The MC is already against it and is, verbally atleast, fighting her. There's a lot of room here for MC's character growth either towards the fetish submissive side or towards the dominant toughening side. Lastly, I'd give some conclusion to the secretary subplot. She just became his submissive and now he's leaving. What happened to the "hand is nothing without it's fingers"? That was a big moment for the MC and his understanding of the alien culture. What are her thoughts on it? Resolution to the conflict? Maybe she want's to tag along with her alpha?

3/5 for now. Hope you revisit the story and expand upon it.

The only thing out of place here is the russkies not being assholes. Humanity must have done a lot to stop them being assholes in this universe, well done.

I really dob’t know what to think. On one side you have a fine story lined up - an ambassador to a barely civilized world. And then he just seems to accept to be raped by Cola in Ch.8? By a Royal Guard no less, who is under direct order from the Patriarch to protect the ambassador? And he just gets horny? Arhh… I lost interrest in the story there.

You are a fine author, but the story arc is not quite believable. Thank you for sharing though!