All Comments on 'First Discovery Ch. 02'

i enjoyed this so much please continue it

Why did you stop it there!!! please write more its a great story

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! MORE!!!!!!! :)

Love it! Please continue!!!

your writing has a lot of emotional and sexual truth to it, but you need an editor who can spell and use grammar correctly.

Fabulous chapter...can't wait for chapter 3!

MORE PLEAASE MORE !!!

im addicted..please keep writing!

please hurry and write the next one! i cant wait to read the sexy details of their affair!

I cannot wait for the next chapter

I will checking everyday until it is submitted

I can't wait

you must carry this forward cannot wait for to read more chapters

As a straight girl... I think.. I love this story so far... want more!

I really like it so far, and I can see where this is headed. It's one of my fantasies, for a lesbian to come along and knock me off my feet, so to speak. :) So even though I am older than your characters, I can relate to them. I really wanted to give you five stars, but there are so many grammatical errors that it's distracting. Otherwise, great job! ~ L

I think all the girls should get involved!!!!

Your dialogue has deteriorated quite substantially from the first chapter.

The spelling is still bad, ("infront", [it's two separate words], "to" instead of "too", "their" instead of "there"), but also things like, "I put on a pair of purple boyshorts and bra on" and "I like the way your looks like that..."

However it's the dialogue that lets this chapter down, in particular the unrealistic section about the Olympic team - of course they'd have to get someone else for the team! And that whole big paragraph of disclosure is just way too unwieldy.

Only three stars this time.

Take some writing classes, that is my only piece of advice for you. You contantly switch between present and past tense; your sentences also lack structure and flow. I'm not trying to be the type to pull you down, only to offer some advice. :)