All Comments on 'First Internet Date'

Writing in the second person ("You rode the elevator...") is unusual and a hard style to pull off, especially for a first-time writer. I had to read the first two paragraphs three times before I understood what you were trying to say. (The bad spelling didn't help.) I suggest you stick to standard third person style ("Jane rode the elevator") for a while, or first person if you must ("I rode the elevator"). In the mean time, work on your spelling. Just because the spelling checker says the word is a valid English word, doesn't mean it's the word(s) you intended (you/your, puller/pulled, land/his hand, etc.)

Finally, you ended the story way too abruptly. You begged a bunch of questions and didn't answer any of them. Why did she agree to get on the elevator naked? Was she drunk? Was it a dare? Who is the mystery man? Does she know him? Why did her jaw drop? What's happened next?

I dislike second person point of view. It's hard to do well. Spelling and grammar need much work.

3 stars because of the misuse of language. Lots of potential but you blew it