All Comments on 'First Time I Took Bunty'

of rape

Please please please proof read and sort out grammar errors in the next chapter.

So he rapes her, she enjoys it and immediately surrenders ? How original. Husband apparently in house at time hears nothing despite the noise he says she makes ? Found less holes in a Swiss cheese and more originality from Donald Trump !

You need to clean this story up - there are some good elements but some things move far too fast, her immediate reaction to rape is to ask for more? His seed was dripping prior to his orgasm. You lack commas and semi-colons (and more) and these things matter to the reader.

Get an editor. Do a few drafts.

Learn how to write before posting again. There were errors in almost every paragraph.

So many glaring errors but the one that got me was the "vagina mussels". Eurgh.

10 inches & the size of a soda can? The reality is usually 2 inches and the size of a Vienna sausage. LOL

Please right us more words, your wonderful use of Spill cheque is two grate for words to express. My facial mussels are soar from laughing,

You may do well with an editor. Your story is impossible to read.

Ok, I can definitely tell that a dude wrote this. Along with spelling, for the everliving love of fuck, keep cervix out of all consideration, particular since you are unfamiliar with anatomic form and function.

But the story itself is hot! Yes an editor would help to have your stories flow better.

I love mother in law stories and Overall I enjoyed it!

...Grammar is bad, no quotations where needed, bragging about cock size when it's not going to be half the length.

What a lot of CRAP !!!!!, your spelling and grammar is way of the map, GET A BLOODY EDITOR !!!! before you write another story to submit to the site and you will find more readers coming on board to read your stories. Enough said bye bye.

The premise of your story is good, but it seems like you went out of your way to make as many Language Arts errors as you possibly could. I'm pretty sure you covered them all - syntax, grammatical, spelling, incorrect pronouns, etc.... You seriously need an editor!

Looking for part 2

Absolutely terrible. Not my choice of story line. Poor story telling, badly written. Stick to reading and let others write.

Writer obviously has no idea about a woman's cycle. A woman is not fertile a few days before her period. Also the grammar is horrendous. Story line was interesting but the writing detracted from it.